


A Journey of Self Hatred

by Reltic



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, BAMF Lucy Heartfilia, BAMF Natsu Dragneel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gray is kind of a dick for a bit but he gets better, Hurt/Comfort, Loke is awesome, Lucy's Spirits are sweet, Panic Attacks, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-01-15 02:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 74,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21245726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reltic/pseuds/Reltic
Summary: Lucy has been having an inner battle of self worth and strength, but all of that goes to waste when she almost gets her teammate killed on a mission.---Or: Lucy believes herself to be too weak and leaves on a journey of self discovery with a pink haired Dragon Slayer trying his best to track her down and bring her home.





	1. The Universe

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This story is going to start off rather depressing, but it will move its way to a happier self discovery. I also apologize to any Gray-Stans. Don't worry, I love him too and he'll get better in this story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Before any of you decide to leave me a comment about how Gray is OOC, read the notes at the end of this chapter.

Exactly when you feel the most confident is when the universe likes to fuck you over. In your most victorious moment, when everything is riding on you and your actions. When it isn't win or lose; rather when it's life and death. That's when the stars and moon align, not to give you a break. No they aren't creating an unnatural phenomenon to give you a blessing. They're doing it to shoot down your confidence as a reminder that _you aren't special_.

Life isn't easy. And by that fact death shouldn't be easy either. But the universe is cruel, and she plays a sick game. Lucy Heartfillia learned that the hard way, by watching her mother die when she was only a child. She learned that the universe seemed to hate her in particular when her father began to humiliate and berate her in front of the staff of their large family mansion. She figured the universe despised her when she was placed in an arranged marriage to a man she'd never met. And the universe damn right almost destroyed her when her father paid to have a guild kidnap her for a "safe" return.

But she had hope that the universe wasn't as cruel as she always thought it to be when she got to join Fairy Tail. The guild she's dreamt of joining since she was given her first celestial key, Aquarius. She jumped with joy when Natsu brought her to the guild she always longed to visit and finally got to stamp herself as an official member. Regardless of the dangerous missions and the dark guilds that were out to get them, Lucy was proud to bare the pink Fairy Tail insignia on her right hand. No matter the trouble it caused her, or the grief her guild mates gave her on a daily basis, she was forever grateful Natsu gave her the opportunity she'd been chasing since she was a little girl.

However, even when the days begin to clear and the despair fades, the universe can return with a vengeance more powerful than she'd ever imagined. In the form of five fuming dark wizards facing her down outside of the abandoned warehouse her and her team were sent to infiltrate.

"So," The tallest, and supposedly the leader of the squadron leaned his body entirely on his left side, seemingly not nervous in the slightest with the powerful mage before him, "The Fairy's came to rescue the day?"

His grin was wicked, showing his rather large canines. The other four, choosing to cover their faces with black bandanas, snickered at their comrades taunt. Lucy couldn't help but smirk at their arrogance, "I wouldn't be letting your guard down if I were you, buddy."

The leader seemed to ponder her for a moment longer. She couldn't tell where her team was, and she was beginning to worry. The plan was for Natsu and Gray to infiltrate the warehouse to take down an underground dark guild that had begun to arise in a small town south of Magnolia. Erza was to remain with Wendy at the back of the warehouse in preparation for Natsu and Gray to push the small dark guild out towards the back wooded area. Lucy was supposed to watch the front of the warehouse incase any brave souls dared to travel against the two boys barreling their way through their temporary guild hall and ended up leaving through the front. What they didn't account for was the five wizards who had been out on a job of their own to come back to their safe haven being demolished by Fairy Tail's strongest team.

However it has been at least five minutes since the sounds of fighting died down on the other side of the small clearing they found themselves in, and Lucy wasn't entirely sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

"It seems you're the one a little preoccupied," The man in front of her mocked her previous statement, making his posse laugh heartily behind him. He ran his hand through his grundy black hair, attempting to look relaxed just to annoy her. His stance proved he viewed them as no threat.

The blonde scoffed, the nerve this guy had to insult Fairy Tail. They were more than just fairies, he just didn't know it yet, "Oh, I'll show you how dangerous Fairies really are."

The man barely had a moment to catch enough breath to retort before Lucy pulled out her first key, letting the yellow light engulf her body as she summoned her spirit "Open! Gate of the Golden Bull!"

Taurus pushed through with the guidance of his wizard to the human world with his hands shaking to battle, "Anything for you Luuuucy!"

"Heh, she's the celestial wizard," The leader took note before shouting behind him, "We can take her boys!"

The other four wizards cheered in affirmation before charging Lucy and Taurus. She had no idea what to expect out of these guys since she wasn't aware of what magic they possess. Two went for the left towards Lucy and two towards the Right for Taurus. Lucy pulled out her whip, waiting for the two to get closer before she wrapped the leather around one of them, successfully throwing them a few yards away. The second one however rammed a glowing hand into her chest causing a burning sensation across her skin.

She let out a strangled gasp at the pain spreading up her neck as she staggered backwards with her palm over her wounded skin. Behind her she could hear Taurus fighting off what sounded like a sword against his axe. She was unaware of what the second person was doing and didn't have even a second to figure it out as she was attacked yet again by the mage she sent flying moments ago.

She could tell the one with light coming from his hands was dangerous to the touch. He came at her again, giving her little time to formulate a plan. She decided at the last second to sacrifice her whip as a way to disable this guy. Her whip wrapped around him in a tight grip, unwilling to budge from its seal around his body. That left her with one more guy. Who seemed to keep his distance until she was unarmed. Before he had a chance to attack her with whatever magic he had, she pulled out a second key, calling out a spirit that could easily trap these guys, "Open! Gate of the Maiden!"

With another blinding light, Virgo appeared giving the ruffian she was battling a startled look of infatuation with her spirit.

"Yes, Princess?"

Lucy grinned at her spirit, "I need you to put these guys in the ground!"

The pink haired maid simply nodded, "Consider it done."

The ground beneath them shook as Virgo barreled her way underground. It was silent momentarily until a hole surrounded the wizard in front of her. Virgo popped up from the hole looking exactly the same as when summoned, "Did I please you princess?"

Lucy gave her spirit a thumbs up, "You did awesome! Thanks Virgo!"

Virgo bowed toward Lucy as she closed her gate, leaving the blonde to turn her attention back towards Taurus who had successfully taken down the other two mages, "Great job Taurus!"

The bull spirit beamed at the praise. Just before he could make any sort of remark, Lucy closed his gate. She dusted her hands together, feeling satisfied that she was able to take down the rather cocky wizards. Just as she was going to take her leave to check on her team, a dark chuckle came from the woods making her freeze.

_Oh right, there were actually five of them._

"Impressive," the leader came lurking from the shadows, "For a Fairy," He tapped his chin in thought for a moment, "Or wait. What did that cow call you?" His eyes turned dark as he gave Lucy a hungry looking glare, "Lucy?"

"I took them down," Lucy stood in front of the man, trying her best to look as confident as she wanted to feel, but the truth is she was beginning to run out of magic. She had summoned her spirits so much just today that the fight took too much out of her, "what makes you think I can't take you down too?"

"Because," He stated matter of factly, "I have more power than you could ever hope to achieve."

As if to prove his point, the man started glowing, much like the glow Lucy produced to create the gate from the spirit world to the human world. However rather than surrounding himself with a soft pale yellow light, his was a striking black. She could feel the magic radiating off this guy in heaps of layers, and she hated to admit it scared her. She had no idea what it was or what he could do, but she knew it was bad news.

She knew she couldn't do this alone, not without her team. But she hadn't heard anything from their side in the past 15 minutes. They couldn't have not heard her battling over here alone. Had something happened to them? Why weren't they coming?

Right on que, a familiar deep voice roared through the clearing belonging to a pink haired dragon slayer, "Lucy! I'm coming for ya!"

Lucy felt a victory pile in the pit of her stomach but was reluctant to indulge in the feeling until this guy was out of the picture. She let herself be grateful her team wasn't seriously injured and was coming to her aid. This battle will be ending soon. The glowing wizard noticed Lucy's relaxing posture with interest, "So, you think I'll be an easy kill," His words were dripping with venom as if he were personally offended by her confidence, "Don't you?"

Lucy didn't have a chance to respond before Natsu rounded the corner of the warehouse. His eyes met hers instantly, "Lucy! You okay?!"

She felt a sense of calm wash over her at the sight of the dragon slayer. He always showed up at just the right time, fire blazing for a fight. He looked a bit disheveled which was to be expected during a mission. His coat was torn at his arm allowing his skin to brush against the cold, nighttime air. He looked a little scratched up, and a little blood was trickling from his hairline. But he still sported his trademark smile as he sprinted towards his companion.

"Oh young love," Lucy snapped her gaze back towards the dark wizard, both ashamed she had nearly forgotten about him and embarrassed with his observation, "how _disgusting_ and _pointless_!"

If it was possible, the light began to triple in size. It seemed to grow with his own ego as he laughed at the fear plastered on her face. His cackling grew louder, "Don't worry Lucy! You'll feel a pain worse than death!"

She felt the goosebumps on her skin, and she wasn't sure if she was shivering because of the cold, or out of fear. She had no idea what he was doing, and had no way to block him without using her spirits as a shield. Her whip was being used as a restraint at the moment, leaving her completely frantically searched the dark wooded area behind him, hoping for some idea to formulate in her head.

"Your time has come," the dark haired man glared down in amusement, "Lucy of Fairy Tail."

The menacing light around his body suddenly wrapped around her in a vice grip. At first she didn't feel anything. That is until the magic starting seeping into her skin, feeling like it was poisoning her to the touch. She struggled against the unknown magic, trying to reach for a key in desperation.

Her body was suspended in time, unable to move past an inch. She was nearly paralyzed. Her keys were too far to the right of her belt. Too far for her to reach them in this state. The light pricked into her arms and legs, feeling like cracks through her body. It was like the light was absorbing her from the inside out. She desperately needed someone to stop this guy, she needed someone, Aries, Cancer, Loke, Natsu, _someone!_

Just as the light seemed to pull her apart completely, another light flashed beside her. One she knew was warm and comforting. The flame approached her of its own accord, worming its way between her and the poisoned light. She felt the dark light pulling out of her body rather painfully. Each crack was vacated and the pricks in her skin disappeared. The light faded away as if the fire burned it away, leaving her an amazing view of a beat up dark wizard and a happy Dragon Slayer.

"Natsu!" The blonde shouted making her friend turn his back to the villain, giving his full attention to her.

"Heya Luce!" He made his way over to her, "You good? What was that light stuff around ya?"

Lucy shrugged, wincing as her irritated skin was pulled with the motion, "I never got a chance to find out, but I don't think I wanna try to figure it out again."

Natsu chuckled, prepared to give her a charming response, but was cut off by a painful sounding blow to his back. Whatever he was planning to say stuck in his throat as he lost his balance and fell face first into Lucy's chest. She gasped at the bloody bubbles forming all over the Dragon Slayers back. It looked similar to a burn, but eerily different. Lucy knew Natsu couldn't be affected by fire, and this looked far more dangerous than any standard fire attack.

She felt fury boil in her veins, her eyes screamed murder as she lifted her gaze to meet Natsu's attacker, only to realize he was gone. Her nerves were on edge and her mind was in shatters. She felt herself fall to the ground, ungracefully at that, letting Natsu's head lay on her lap. She felt her tears gathering in the corner of her eyes, fear was grabbing her by the neck and she wasn't sure if it would ever let go. She could have sworn to any and everyone in Fiore that her heart stopped at that moment. Her whole world came crashing down for the third time in her life.

With a shaky hand, she placed her fingers to his wrist in hopes of finding a pulse. Her body froze when she felt nothing. No thump of a heart beat, no pump of magical energy…

She refused to encourage her train of thought, choosing instead to reach her fingers blow his trademark scarf to check his pulse yet again. She waited a few seconds with bated breath, until she finally felt the heavy thumps of a heart beat.

"Oh Natsu," She sounded broken as she choked on her own sobs. She bent down to touch her own forehead with his, trying her best to hold back her tears.

He was still alive, that's all that matters.

"Natsu! Lucy!" Lucy's head shot up at Gray's voice. She turned her head to watch the Ice Mage run towards them with the rest of the team behind him. His eyes looked pained and she could only imagine it had to do with the unconscious boy in her arms. Glancing down at Natsu, he seemed to only be sleeping. He didn't seem pained or scared, and that was really the only thing Lucy found comforting about the situation.

Gray skid to a stop in front of Lucy, kneeling down to examine Natsu. He mimicked Lucy's idea at checking his pulse on his wrist. Lucy took the time to notice Gray was shirtless, _again_, but also shivering. No, not shivering. Gray doesn't get cold. He was shaking.

When he inevitable realized he couldn't find a pulse on the dragon slayers wrist, his demeanor changed drastically. His sharp eyes met Lucy's holding a glare she never imagined could be directed at her. It caught her off guard, causing her to jump backwards and catch herself with her hands firmly against the ground.

The Ice Mage clutched at her shirt in anger pulling his body only centimeters from his face, "What the fuck happened?!"

Too shocked to respond, Lucy stumbled over her words. Nothing came out as an intelligent response but instead as repeated "I's" and "Um's. She didn't really know what happened or how to explain it with a rabid Gray holding her so close that she could feel his breath ghost across her face. She could hardly hear herself think with her heartbeat pounding in her brain.

"Why can't you say anything, damnit?!" Gray shook her with enough force to roughly bob her head back and forth. She was raised slightly off the ground, staring at a seething Gray Fullbuster with nothing to say to defend herself. His own fury was leaking into his words and it hurt knowing it was directed at her.

Why it was directed at her? She had no idea.

She softly placed her own hand on Grays making him grip her clothing tighter, "He's okay, Gray."

He let go of her shirt, throwing her to the ground with a thud. She fell backwards, catching herself on her elbows. Gray stood over her, looking about as menacing as the guy she just fought.

"What's gotten into you, Gray?" She asked with a trembling voice which only seemed to piss him off more.

"What's gotten into me?" He clenched his fists, attempting to calm himself down, "Are you fucking blind or something? Natsu's hurt because of you, _again_!"

_Because of me?_

Lucy pushed up from her position on the ground, ignoring the protests her beaten body makes. She made a movement towards Natsu before Gray's hand harshly pushed her back, "Don't you dare go anywhere near him."

"Lucy, Gray, what is going on here?" Erza came to a halt beside them with Wendy, Happy, and Charla by her side. She scanned the area in search of any remaining dark guild members until her eyes fell on Natsu with a gasp.

Gray crossed his arms over his chest, giving a menacing look to Lucy, "Yeah, what's going on here Lucy?"

She wasn't sure what betrayal felt like before, but she thinks she's starting to understand. The dark, lonely feeling she gets when Gray's gaze shoots daggers to the pit of her stomach. It's something she hasn't felt in years, anxious, scared, and unsure of herself. She was like a cornered animal with no escape. She's never felt unsafe with her team, until now.

"Lucy?" Erza stood beside Gray, not looking as angry as him, but she had her own look of pain and sorrow. She motioned for Wendy to check on Natsu, who went straight to his side.

Lucy cleared her throat, avoiding Gray entirely. Instead she retold her story to Erza, hoping she could contain her raging emotions enough to speak without sounding broken, "I was waiting out here like I was supposed to. It was quiet for awhile, and I started thinking you guys might have defeated everyone yourselves."

She spared a glance at Gray but quickly looked away after seeing he hadn't even twitched from his previous stance, "I stayed still until I knew the coast was clear, but a group of dark wizards came back from a job. We didn't know anyone was missing before we infiltrated so I wasn't expecting them."

Lucy peered to her right, watching the wizard still ensnared in her whip give up on freeing himself, "I tried to fight them myself, I called out Taurus and Virgo. But I only got four out of five of them down."

Lucy rested her sights on Natsu who had Wendy hunched over him using her healing magic, "The fifth guy was their leader, I think. He attacked me with this light that felt like it was poisoning me," She felt the tears resurface, and try as she might to hold them back, one slid down her cheek, "Then Natsu used his fire to save me and beat him up. We thought the fight was over, but the other guy attacked him from behind."

"Where is this guy then?" Gray asked, still sounding irritated as he dug his fingernails deeper into his biceps.

"He got away," Lucy looked downcast, sounding defeated.

"So you let him escape?!" He shouted, taking a step towards the Celestial Wizard. If it weren't for Erza's hand atop his shoulder to ground him, Lucy was sure he was going to pummel her to the ground, "Are you that weak that you couldn't protect your friend?!"

"I'm sorry Gray," She sniffled, giving him the most apologetic look she could muster.

She needed him to see that she cared; That she tried her best. She needed him to know that _this wasn't supposed to happen._

"Sorry doesn't revive the dead, _Lucy!_"

"Enough!" Erza intervened, surprising both Gray and Lucy. She gave them both a warning look before turning to Wendy, "Wendy, what is the status on Natsu's well being?"

The blue haired girl raised her head to face her team with a small smile, "He's gonna be okay. He might be unconscious for a while and he has a pretty bad wound on his back, but he's okay."

Lucy breathed a sigh of relief. Knowing Natsu was alive, not entirely healed but getting there, lifted a heavy weight off of her chest. The thought of losing another person she cared about was almost too much to bare.

When she turned her attention back to the Ice Mage in front of her, she was hoping to see him calm and collected once again. She begged to the celestial gods that she could look back into his eyes and see the relief she felt as well. But happy endings aren't a reality, and Gray's eyes still held a hatred she thought she'd never see from someone she considered family. She could not only see, but feel the red hot anger Gray was producing. She knew she caused it, and she couldn't deny that to him, herself, or her team. He was right. She failed them, miserably.

The travel back to the guild was long and painfully quiet. No one bothered to say a word to anyone, good or bad. Erza carried Natsu to the train, held him on the train, and carried him back to the guild. Neither Gray nor Lucy were permitted to touch him, much to Gray's dismay.

The tension between Gray and Lucy was so high strung, even Happy refused to stand between them. He didn't even give her a second glance the entire ride home, and Lucy couldn't tell if she'd rather have him yelling at her or completely ignoring her.

By the time they had returned to the guild it was morning and Natsu still hadn't awoken. Team Natsu stood outside the guild hall doors. Everyone seemed to be just as hesitant to enter the guild, why they felt hesitant was beyond her, didn't they not do anything wrong?

It was her that should be scared.

Erza shook whatever she was thinking from her head, and stalked into the busy hall with a heavy Natsu in hand. Gray after her, Wendy behind him with Happy and Charla, and Lucy trailing behind. She felt on edge, like she was on a stand before the jury awaiting her fate. She had this inkling that everyone already knew, that she did this to Natsu. That it was her fault he looked lifeless in Erza's arms.

As she expected, the whole guild dropped their activities to jump in surprise at Natsu's condition. The guild crowded around the redhead in worry, who in turn shouted at everyone to stay back. Everyone cleared a way for Erza and the rest, no one daring to ask what happened. Lucy knew, realistically, no one knew what she'd done. No one was aware of what happened in those woods, but the eyes on here felt judgmental, like they were boring into her soul.

The group paused as The Master stood on the guild bar counter, taking in the sight of the team before him. They looked beaten, destroyed, scared, which he can only guess came from their hurt friend. He cleared his throat, "Erza you can take him to the infirmary."

Erza nodded in understanding before taking Natsu to the back of the guild with Mira following her, leaving Gray, Wendy, and Lucy in the Master's hands. He stared down at the wizards, his _children_, with worry and care. They looked their own form of haunted. Gray looked furious, Wendy looked nervous, and Lucy looked down right terrified. It was a sight Makarov had hoped he'd never have to see any of his children burdened with.

The Master sat down once again, directing his attention to the teens. As he spoke, he hoped his words came out as soft and calm as possible, "What happened out there?"

Makarov wasn't surprised that it was Gray who spoke up first given the state the other two were in. What did surprise him was the heavyweight of the words he spoke, "We failed our mission because _someone _couldn't hold their weight."

Makarov raised an eyebrow as him, curious as to the train of thought was boy was having, "What do you mean, Gray?"

When he shot a glare at Lucy and she shied away, realization dawned on him. The dynamic of Team Natsu has always been strong, and seemingly unbreakable. The team had been welcoming to Lucy since the beginning, always eager to work with her and help her succeed. To see that bond crumbling before him was unsettlingly

"Lucy hid for the whole mission and failed to hold back a couple of lower class chumps. Natsu saved her ass as usual and she couldn't protect him when he needed it." He crossed his arms over his chest, letting his voice rise with his frustration, "And then she let the bastard who attacked him get away! He's still out there!"

The blonde hid her face in shame as the spotlight fell on her. She couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop the whirlwind of sadness, guilt, _failure, weak, disappointment. _She would rather disappear than face the people she knew probably hated her now. But that was a weakness too, wasn't it? Hiding from them because she was scared? She needed to own up to what she'd done, because that was strong. She needed to face them head on and accept her fate, but she remained in place, shaking like a leaf for all to see. They could see her for the disappointment of a wizard she was.

She didn't deserve 10 gold Zodiac keys.

Makarov cleared his throat, causing everyone to turn to him once again, "Wendy, is Natsu's situation dire?"

The smaller Dragon Slayer jumped at the questions, stumbling nervously at all of the attention, "No Master! He should make a full recovery. I healed most of his injuries, but one was rather bad so he may be sleeping for a while to recuperate."

Makarov nodded in agreement, "Yes that is to be expected. Thank you for using your strength to heal him to the best of your ability."

Wendy gave Makarov a smile before he turned back to the Ice Mage, "Then there's nothing to worry about Gray," He assured, letting his gaze fall on the blonde who still hadn't moved her gaze from the wooden floors, "Accidents happen, as I'm positive you can understand. I'm sure Lucy didn't mean for Natsu to get hurt."

Lucy's breath stopped at the Masters words, finally letting her eyes travel up the man's body to meet his comforting smile. His eyes sparkled with understanding and sympathy that Lucy couldn't allow herself to accept. She didn't deserve his forgiveness or sympathy. She expected him to march her out the door after taking away her guild mark for the trouble she caused.

She couldn't bring herself to look at her guildmates, even if Elfman spoke up in her defense, "Yeah Lucy's a real man for taking on those guys by herself!"

She heard a few other agreements with him from various other guild mates, Levy and Cana among them, assuring her she tried her best. But the words felt hollow, she couldn't believe them. Not with the sight of Natsu's body, bloody, bruised, and damaged so fresh in her mind. How could they forgive her when she can't even forgive herself?

"It doesn't matter if she took them on alone or not!" Gray shouted above the murmuring guild, "She wasn't strong enough to handle them by herself and relied on Natsu to save her like she always does! She let us down!"

"Now Gray," Makarov scolded, giving him a stern look, "Lucy's a strong mage and has proven to be one in the pas. Things happen, and we can't dwell on them."

"I'll _dwell_ on it all I want when my teammate almost died because she can't handle a little fight on her own!" Gray panted heavily, still completely furious with her. His outbreak shushed the guild entirely, and if it was possible for Lucy to hide in her own shadow, she would.

She can't look at them, she can't see their face. She can't see their disgust and hatred and disappointment. She can't handle their eyes on her skin or their words in her ears.

"Lucy," Makarov called out to her, his voice sounding far too delicate. He seemed to be trying to coax her out of herself, hoping to see her face emerge from its hiding place behind her ruffled bangs. She slowly tilted her head up once more, her eyes shining with unshed tears. Makarov felt a pang in his chest at her broken spirit. He could see in her eyes that she had beaten herself down to her very core.

She looked at him in panic, assuming the worst to leave his mouth. She was expecting to be tossed outside with nothing but the clothes on her back. She was expecting yelling and screaming and fighting. But Makarov never did what was expected, "Go home and get some rest. Everything will be fine, my dear."

For a moment she didn't budge from her spot, couldn't get herself to even twitch a finger. She only stared at The Master who had so much kindness in his eyes. It made her sick to her stomach. She didn't deserve his pity, she almost killed Natsu. She almost killed his _child _and he still looked at her as one of his own. She couldn't fathom it.

But if she was asked to leave, then she would do as she was told. She could have been told to kneel before Gray and beg for forgiveness and she would have done it at this point, if only to ease this pulsing pain in her chest that feels just as restricting as it does painful.

Slowly, Lucy dropped her gaze with a subtle nod. She turned from the Master and made her way through the already cleared pathway to the guild entrance. She refused to meet anyone's eyes in fear of what she would see, whether it be anger or pity. She wouldn't be able to stand it if she were to see hatred in their eyes, but she would hate herself if she saw sympathy. So Instead she kept her head down until she made it out the doors, only for light drops of water to soak into her hair.

Of course it would be raining today of all days, if only to make her feel worse about herself. After all, the universe has been in a lifelong battle with her and today was just part one of its revenge plan. With a look towards the darkening sky, the rain clouds circled around her. It was like the sky was taunting her, forcing her to come to terms with what she'd done. It wouldn't let her forget the devastation she almost caused.

That she almost got Natsu killed, because she was weak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been getting a few comments about how Gray's reaction was OOC, and while I understand I also don't agree. In the anime, we see Gray make questionable decisions based on what he thinks is right. For example, During the Daphne arc he willingly lets Natsu get captured by Daphne in order to teach him a lesson about forgetting his promises. I understand this is an anime only arc, but it happened nonetheless. In Gray's past, we see him handle death in strange ways, many of which are through acting out. He's had run ins with death before and has lost so many people that I feel eventually the anger would start to seep through. If his lifelong rival and unspoken best friend was supposedly dead, he might lash out at anyone he can because he's hurting. That doesn't make it okay, but it makes it realistic. After he finds out Natsu is going to live, he continues to be angry with Lucy in hopes of teaching her she can't rely on Natsu to save her, just like he did with Natsu in the Daphne arc. Again, that doesn't mean it was the right thing to do, but it fits his character. And I feel like the way he realizes he was wrong fits as well, because it was his family that knocked some sense into him.
> 
> Like I said before, I adore Gray. He's one of my favorite characters and I plan to write more stories revolving around him in a positive light, but I needed someone to fill these shoes. He was the best candidate to fill the role. I didn't want to use Lisanna because so many people use her and make her into this horrible person that wants to selfishly get rid of Lucy, or makes the entire guild basically hate her for no reason. I see people write Natsu being the antagonist, and I just can't see that happening. No hate to those who write it or enjoy it, hell even I read those stories as long as it has a happy ending, but it's not entirely my cup of tea.
> 
> Overall, please remember this is a fan fiction I write in my spare time. This is a hobby for me and I do it because I love it. I don't expect every comment to be positive, but I do wish you would think outside the box and allow a different writing style and idea then you're used to. Hopefully this clears up any of the claims that Gray is OOC, because trust me I've gotten many. I just want to write what I enjoy.
> 
> My Socials:  
[Twitter](https://twitter.com/Reltic_)  
[Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/_reltic_/)


	2. Don't Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy finds herself in a dark corner of her mind.

The walk home was longer than Lucy wanted it to be, and she couldn't blame anyone but herself for dragging her feet along the cobblestone road. It was like she was prolonging the inevitable long, restless night she was going to have. She couldn't forget what happened, the memory was engraved in her brain. The bloody, bubbling skin. Natsu's heavy, lifeless body. Grays harsh words. Erza's indifference. It was a permanent stake in her mind that she keeps brushing over on repeat.

_Don't cry._

Lucy's mind came to a halt when she realized she was in front of her apartment door. Her arms felt heavy as she felt around her skirt pockets for her key. Her hands shook in her attempt to unlock the door. She almost threw the key on her third attempt, but managed to keep her anger in check long enough to turn the key, shuffle inside, and close the door behind her. The sound of wet clothes dripping puddles onto the wood floor beneath her seemed louder than the heavy rain outside. She peered down at the dark reflection of her beaten face against the puddle. Her skin looked raw and irritated, which she assumed had to do with the magic that guy had used on her. Watching herself in the shallow water, she raised her fingers to brush against her tender skin. The touch burned about as bad as a razor burn. It was manageable.

_Don't cry._

Lucy tore her eyes from her disheveled appearance, stubbornly holding stinging tears behind her eyes. She didn't deserve to cry for herself, when she was the reason Natsu was lying in a hospital bed. She didn't bother with the lights as she made her way through her empty apartment. The silence was a comforting change. The yelling and fighting between her and Gray was getting tiring.

_Don't cry._

The Celestial Spirit mage made it to her kitchen in a daze. She was bound to be dehydrated by now, and as much as she wanted to hide under her covers and pretend the past 24 hours never happened, she needed to take care of herself. Her kitchen was exactly how she left it a few days ago, clean and organized with a vase of slowly decaying lilies she'd bought to cheer herself up a week ago. She prided herself on having a tidy home, always picking up after herself and Natsu when he would show up uninvited to eat her food and ruin her floors.

_Don't. Cry._

Her body didn't exactly want to cooperate with her. With shaky arms and legs, she felt like she could barely support herself, "You're fine Lucy," She murmured to herself in mild annoyance, "You walked all the way here, you can get yourself a drink of water too."

The blonde dragged herself across the kitchen towards the corner counter. After wiping her wet hands on the dry cloth beside her sink, she opened a cupboard to grab one of her glass cups. Her fingers wobbled around the glass, but she got a firm grip on it before removing it and closing the cupboard door again. She slowly made her way to the fridge dispenser and carefully filled her cup up halfway with water.

As she took her cup from the fridge and put the glass to her lips, she tried to piece together this feeling she was having. Where as before she felt scared and anxious, now she feels almost… numb. There was sorrow and despair floating around her mind, and that heavyweight was back on her chest. It felt like it was crushing her, leaving her with a small radius of breathing room left.

She imagined Natsu again, with his smiling face and happy laugh squeezing her heart just a bit more. His spiky pink locks of hair twirling in the air as he jumped on her bedroom window turned a few shades darker. His soft, friendly eyes become cold and empty. He was the pride of Fairy Tail that was stripped down to another limp body on a battlefield. And of all the people to bring him to that point, it had to be her.

It took her falling to the floor and hitting her head against her kitchen counter to realize she'd dropped her glass cup. The shattered glass cut long jagged lines up her legs, but she could hardly feel the stinging that was most certainly there. There was a pounding in her head that she couldn't tell was from just hitting her head or a combination of that and the tears that were now falling down her face in waves. Her emotions were welling up inside her and the crushing feeling on her chest was heavier than before. She felt constricted and cornered, and her skin _burned_.

Her breath came out in short pants that only got shorter as seconds passed. Her skin was crawling with the feeling of the light poisoning her skin again, inching its way further into her body. She fiddled with her fingers if only to assure herself she could still move them. She pushed her shaking hands into her hair, pulling at the wet strands with sweaty fingers. Her eyes moved frantically across the floor with scattered pieces of glass mixed with water and a small amount of her own blood.

But her blood turned into Natsu's blood, and she wasn't in her kitchen anymore. She was sobbing over her friends dead body, begging him to wake up, to _come back. _She was clawing her skin to get the light out of her body. She was struggling to reach her keys so Natsu doesn't have to save her anymore. She was screaming at the dark wizard who destroyed her world and made her family realize how worthless she really was.

Lucy was a sobbing mess on her kitchen floor, both unaware and uncaring of her surroundings. The only sounds in the small unit coming from her cries and labored breathing. The only light coming from the occasional burst of lightning through her window. Her toes curled inwards as she fought the onslaught of tears waving down her face.

She wasn't supposed to cry.

A few feet away from her, a pale yellow light appeared, making her flinch back in surprise. The glow was supposed to be comforting and familiar, but it elicited a complete opposite reaction from the Celestial Mage. She was choking on terror and recoiling as far back into the wooden cabinets she leaned on because _oh god the light's back._

She didn't process that the light wasn't black, nor that it wasn't surrounding her with it's suffocating paralysis. The figure that emerged from the light did nothing to ease her horror, but rather she didn't even seem to notice it. She was lost to her mind once again as Loke looked down at his wizard with concern written all over his face.

The Lion spirit, along with the other spirits contracted to Lucy Heartfilia, were well aware of the situation the blonde found herself in. Against his better judgement, he had agreed to Aquarius's request to let Lucy handle her problems herself. She was an adult after all and he had no right to insert himself into her personal issues. If Aquarius thought it would be better to leave Lucy to make her own decisions, he would respect it. She would call them to her aid if she so needed them.

And he did just that, never appearing during the feud between her and Gray or during the terribly quiet train ride. It was extremely difficult for him, as it was for the other spirits, to sit still during the communion back at Fairy Tail. All of Lucy's spirits were torn apart at the sadness emanating through their connection with their wizard. They felt her agony and mental torment during the exchange with the guild. But no one stepped foot into the human world regardless of how tense Loke felt or how guilty Aquarius looked. He knew she was right, him suddenly interjecting into the situation would only make things worse for Lucy.

However when she was here, alone and breaking down in her apartment, he couldn't sit back and watch. He wasn't here as a spirit to serve her, he was here as a friend to help her. And by the Celestial God was he going to do just that.

He hadn't thought about the light he would produce by passing through to the human world, but he felt rather stupid for not considering to appear in a different room after seeing the effect it had on Lucy. Guilt instantly struck him, but he chose to push that to the side to deal with another time. He needed his full attention ahead of him.

Loke kneeled down in front of Lucy, keeping his movements slow and steady to avoid spooking her more than he already had. She wasn't looking at him but rather through him, most likely imagining something completely different to the scene in front of her. He was afraid to touch her in worry it may startle her. He was tempted to leave her be until she became more aware of her surroundings before approaching on her personal space. He knew touch during a panic episode could lead to a worse experience if the other party wasn't ready for it. As much as he wanted to let her calm down before touching her, he knew her injuries needed to be treated immediately.

Out of all of the damage she'd sustained, the most worrisome were the cuts on her legs. The red and swollen skin was definitely a close second since he still had no idea what type of magic caused it. The small scrapes and bruises weren't ideal but they also weren't detrimental. He wasn't sure about how hard she hit her head or if he should be worried about a possible concussion, but her grasping at her hair probably wasn't helping. He was reluctant to immediately work on her battered wounds with her mind fighting an internal battle of its own, but given the situation he needed to try to speed up the process.

He raised his hand, letting it hover over her head in hopes of some type of sign of recognition to flash across her eyes. When she remained focused on the wooden floor, he gently let his hand rest on top of one of Lucy's. She jumped at the unexpected contact with an unsteady breathe. Loke stayed still, letting her get used to the feeling of his hand on hers. Her eyes darted back and forth as if anticipating an attack that would never come.

Loke waited with bated breath for her to either lash out at him or sink further into the nightmare she was experiencing, but nothing came. She remained still, panting short breaths and awaiting the next move. Slowly he rubbed his thumb along her clenched fist, coaxing her fingers out of the death grip it had on her hair. Her hand remained tense below his as he gently kneaded her bruised knuckles, bringing the rest of his fingers to assist him.

A few moments passed before the blondes hand began to relax. He brought his other hand to begin the same process on the second hand inside her hair, slowly rubbing at her clenched fists. He felt his lips curve slightly when her eyes started to flicker with awareness . She blinked away a few tears, shaking away the cloudiness in her vision as a black suit appeared in front of her.

Her brown eyes met his and the recognition he had been hoping for was finally there. She was sad, scared, and hurt, but she wasn't lost in her mind anymore and that was still progress to him. He couldn't keep himself from smiling down at the blonde who looked a mix of surprised and confused. Loke kept his hands firmly over hers as her fingers released their hold on her scalp.

"Hey," He said with a friendly smile, quite plain compared to his usual greetings.

"Loke?" Her voice came out slightly hoarse, "What are you doing here?"

The spirit removed his hands from hers, letting her place her own in her lap. He stood himself up, taking in the now messy kitchen. He never thought he'd be secluded to clean up duty, but he wasn't entirely upset with the thought of helping Lucy clean up. Especially when her mind was in such shambles, "I'm here to help, but don't worry too much about that. Where's your first aid kit?"

Lucy started at her spirit with a mix of awe and bewilderment, she couldn't get her head wrapped around _why _he was here. She didn't deserve his help, nor did she deserve the concern glazed over his eyes. As much as she _wanted _his help, she couldn't justify it. She couldn't bring herself to accept this, to accept him taking care of her. Not after what she'd done.

"Loke, it's okay," She muttered, trying and failing to sound more like herself, "You don't have to do this."

Loke paused his scan of the kitchen in search of the first aid kit to study her, his worry multiplied with the grim feeling in his heart that had to be coming from the mage in front of him. He knew she was suffering from guilt and shame, but to feel this way when her spirits reach out a hand was heartbreaking. She shouldn't be blaming herself so much.

"I know I don't," His hands fiddled with the buttons on his dress jacket sleeve, "but I want to."

If Lucy could feel any more guilty than she already was, then she was feeling it ten times over at the thought of her spirit helping her. She felt it coil around her stomach making her feel queasy because she _didn't deserve this._

_You did this to yourself._

_This was your fault._

_Why are you still here?_

"Lucy?" Loke's voice interrupted her train of thought.

He had completely abandoned his search for the first aid kit in favor of kneeling in front of Lucy again. He looked scared, and that only made her feel worse. She couldn't do this to him, she was hurting him. He deserved better. He didn't deserve her for a master, she was too weak to hold such powerful keys. There were far more skilled wizards who could give them a better life than she could provide.

"Whatever you're thinking, stop it now," Loke's stern voice echoed in her brain, freezing her train of thought.

She blinked away her insecurities to bring her attention back on the spirit in front of her, "How do you know what I'm thinking?" She asked slightly paranoid he could hear her inner thoughts.

He pointed to his chest, sadness looming in his features, "We're connected through a special bond. It's not that I can hear your thoughts, it's that I can feel your emotions."

Lucy felt heat rise into her cheeks and averted her gaze away from the man before her. He chuckled at her embarrassment, "Don't worry Lucy, we can only really feel your strongest emotions."

She felt a little relieved at that knowledge, but now she was running through everything she may have felt in her lifetime that her spirits never told her about. If they knew everything she figured they might she would rather die than face any of them again.

That might be a bit dramatic, even for her, but she felt she earned herself a moment to be a little less… _Depressed._

With a sigh, Lucy prepared to push herself up until a sturdy hand stopped her, "What do you think you're doing?"

The blonde's irritated gaze met an amused one, "I'm getting up to clean this mess," for emphasis, she gestured around to the pile of glass and water.

Loke would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised at how quickly Lucy bounced back to her normal self. But this version of Lucy seemed fake, like it was a mask to protect herself. He forced himself to not feel hurt at the underlying distrust. After all, she had been screamed at and berated by someone she considered close to her just an hour ago. It wasn't exactly strange for her to be wary of any and everyone.

That just meant he needed to try harder to prove to her that she could trust him again,"No you're not," He gently pushed her back into a sitting position, "I'll do it."

Lucy stubbornly shook her head as Loke made his way around the kitchen in search of a broom, "No, I'm not letting you do all of this."

Loke opened her pantry and internally cheered at having found the broom so fast,"You can't exactly stop me."

Loke closed the closet and returned to Lucy's side with the object in grasp. The blonde crossed her arms defiantly, "I can close your gate."

Loke smirked, "Good luck trying, I'm here by my own magic," he began sweeping up the broken glass into the corner of the room, "And you don't have nearly enough magic energy to force my gate closed."

"What?" She asked in disbelief, she knew she was low on magic energy but so much so that she couldn't close Loke's gate?

What had that wizard done to her?

"Either way," She shook off her momentary distress, "This is my mess to handle. Not yours," She stood up on wobbly legs, causing Loke to drop the broom and instantly put out his hands around her incase she suddenly fell to the ground. His palm made contact with her arm just in time for her legs to give out on her. He managed to grab her in time before she cut up her legs worse than they already were, and carefully lowered her down to the ground once again.

Lucy was frozen in shock for a moment with a frantic Loke waving his hands in front of her face. When she regained her focus to see the by now familiar concern yet again, she realized she may not be physically able to do _anything _without help.

"Please Lucy," He begged, "Just let me help you."

His grip on her arms tightened, leaving her irritated skin with a dull tingling pain. He looked terrified and desperate, and she knew she put that there. She was the reason he was feeling this way, and it made her feel awful. She hated seeing sad faces on the people she cared about.

She knew she realistically couldn't do anything without Loke's help, and it would probably ease his mind if she let him. Her fight was dying, and she came face to face with just how exhausted she was. How did she even walk home without collapsing? She hadn't slept in over 24 hours, had a limited amount of food and water, and was mental distraught for who knows how long. It's a miracle she'd had enough in her to defy Loke's help in the first place.

Loke's fingers lightly tapped against her skin, hoping to hear some type of answer from the blonde. Lucy's eyelids felt heavy from exhaustion and tears as she turned to her spirit, giving him a soft nod. He instantly relaxed, dropped his hands to his side and breathed out a sigh of relief, "Thank you."

He raised from his position on the ground, noticing that most of the glass was now in the corner of the kitchen. He figured now that he got Lucy to cooperate, he could really try to fix up her cuts on her leg.

"Hey Lucy," He asked as he searched through her cupboards, receiving a barely audible hum in response, "Can you tell me where you're first aid kit is now?"

Lucy nodded and responded with a quiet voice, "Under the bathroom sink."

Loke made the quick walk to the bathroom and found the box easily. When he returned to the kitchen, Lucy was sleeping soundly against the cabinets. The lion spirit wasn't surprised in the slightest that she had fallen asleep so easily. He was, however, worried if him bandaging her wounds would wake her up. He wasn't exactly nimble in his fingers, and he'd never really gotten injured enough in the human world to have to bandage himself up, even during his three year banishment. He always had the option of returning to the spirit realm to heal himself. His knowledge in human injuries was subpar at best.

"Would Leo like assistance?"

Loke jumped at the feminine voice behind him, whirling around to reveal Virgo holding a pile of fabric. He let his tense shoulders drop and let out a groan, "Damn Virgo, make a noise or something so I know you're there."

The pink haired girl peered around her mass with a straight face, still awaiting a response to her question, "I apologize, I thought I shouldn't disturb Princess and appeared in another room."

Loke felt his face heat up, "Well at least one of us had the common sense to do that…"

"Would Leo like assistance?"

"Actually," Loke put the medical supplies to the side, "If you wouldn't mind helping me take care of these cuts on Lucy's legs, I'd appreciate it."

Virgo nodded, setting the pile to the side and settling herself where Loke was. She instantly began cleaning the cuts and applying disinfectant. During all of which Lucy hadn't stirred awake once. Loke took the chance to finish cleaning up the glass and began mopping up the rain water mixed with Lucy's blood.

"Princess must be tired," Virgo noted as she prepared the bandages to wrap around Lucy's legs.

Loke made a noise of agreement, "Yeah, she's been through the wringer recently."

"Aquarius may not say it," Virgo wrapped the first bandage, "But she is rather anxious."

Loke grimaced at the thought of the water spirit, "I can bet she's probably not too happy with me for coming here without Lucy summoning me."

Virgo remained silent for a moment, finishing the first wrap before answering, "No one blames you, Leo. We all wanted to do the same, even Aquarius. But I believe you were the best choice out of all of us."

Loke didn't respond, but instead smiled to himself. He may not have been supposed to come out here on his own, but he didn't regret it. Knowing all of Lucy's spirits wanted to do the same warmed his heart. He just wished Lucy could feel it too.

"Princess is bandaged and ready for bed," Virgo announced as she approached her pile of fabric.

Loke put aside the mop after one last wipe across the no clean floor, "Thanks Virgo. I appreciate it."

Virgo picked through the fabric pile, searching for something in particular. Curiosity peaked in Loke's head as he stepped towards the pink haired spirit," Hey, what is all of that anyways?"

Virgo grabbed hold of whatever she was looking for and jumped into a standing position. She turned to Loke holding a set of clothes Virgo had picked out from the celestial world. It looked like any ordinary set of pajamas but considering he literally wore an old t shirt and shorts to bed, he shouldn't be judging.

"Pajamas?" Loke questioned.

"Yes, Aries and I picked them out just for Princess," She concluded before walking towards Lucy.

Realization didn't hit Loke as to what was about to happen until Virgos began pushing up Lucy's top, "Woah Virgo! Not here!"

Virgo halted her movements and turned towards him with confusion, "Where else should I change her? She cannot do it herself."

Loke shook his head at how dense she could be at times, but pushed it aside. He settled Lucy into his arms and swiftly made his way to her bedroom. He laid her down on her bed and turned to Virgo, "You can change her here, I'll wait outside."

"Of course, Leo."

He made his leave of the room, shutting the door behind him. He felt a sense of accomplishment that he was able to successfully pull Lucy out of her breakdown, but deep down he knew this was just the beginning. There were mental scars that had long since healed that have been ripped open again. She was hurting and scared and as much as he wanted to believe her spirits being there for her was enough, he knew he was only lying to comfort himself.

She needed the root of the problem there to help her. She needed Fairy Tail to heal her broken spirit. But much like how she refused his help, he wasn't sure if she was willing to let them try.

* * *

To say the Fairy Tail guild looked depressed was an understatement. Gloom and sorrow lingered in every corner of the guild hall. Most of the occupants hung their heads over their half empty cups of alcohol and the sober members found themselves poking at uneaten food or picking at the wooden tables in silence. Even the most cheerful couldn't muster up the courage to put a smile on their face.

Natsu's injury and the obvious rift in his team was still so fresh in everyone's mind. The heart of the guild was crushed and missing, causing the whole dynamic of Fairy Tail to take a hit. Much to the dismay of the guild, Master Makarov had instructed everyone to let Lucy have some time alone to process her feelings. Levy in particular had a hard time following his orders, but thanks to Gajeel's strategic distractions, she remained busy at the guild working through a few barrier spell books Freed had lent her.

When Team Natsu had first arrived at the guild, no one knew how to react to a seemingly lifeless Dragon Slayer and furious Gray Fullbuster. It wasn't until Gray had recounted the tale that everyone's mind began to wander. As much as Gray harped on Lucy for her failures, there was an underlying sense of confusion. Why was he taking his anger out on Lucy when she appeared to be just as saddened as the rest of them? The heartbreak and sorrow plaguing her aura was overwhelming to anyone near her; there was no way she was handling things well. There wasn't a single soul in the guild who didn't want to check on Lucy, except maybe one particular Ice Mage who was having a hard time understanding the harsh scowls he was receiving.

Looking back on his actions, Gray knew he was a little harsh towards Lucy. It was hard not to realize it when everyone in the guild was rubbing it in his face. He knew he probably fucked up, but how else was he supposed to get the fact that Natsu could have _died _to stick in her head? He wouldn't be able to live with himself if anyone in his team met their demise and he couldn't prevent it. But when Lucy was right there, just a foot away from him, and Natsu still got hit… He doesn't even want to think about what could have happened if Wendy hadn't been there.

He might be attending a funeral instead of visiting a hospital bed.

Gray hadn't left the guild since they arrived back from the mission, choosing to reside alone in the corner. He refused to go back to his house to shower and sleep, instead choosing to use the guilds own amenities to take care of his basic needs. He didn't know what type of magic was used on Natsu and until he could see the dragon slayer up and walking again, he wouldn't relax.

No one tried to start up a conversation with Gray, except occasionally Juvia who was growing nervous by his lack of response. The rest seemed to be avoiding him in either fear or anger. He couldn't bring himself to care. If this was what he got for trying to make Lucy understand her massive mistake, then he'll deal with it.

The Ice Mage had been on a benched table against the corner for the past few hours as Mira, Erza, Wendy, and Master Makarov had been tending to Natsu. Gray had been denied to see his friend because of his "emotional state". He considered it a load of crap, but eventually retreated to the corner awaiting news.

When the sound of the infirmary door opening broke through the quiet guild hall, all heads turned towards the group exiting the room. Erza and Makarov looked as stoic as ever, but the small smiles on Mira and Wendy's face made the clenching in his chest calm.

_He has to be okay._

"We have some news regarding Natsu," Erza's loud voice contrasted greatly with the empty sound around them, "His magic energy has taken a substantial hit. We have a theory it has something to do with the mage who attacked him."

Erza let her gaze cross all the members, letting herself linger on Gray a little longer than the rest, "That mixed with the energy used to heal him was enough to knock him unconscious for at least the coming week to regain his magic energy. Once he has fully regained his power, he will be as good as new."

The guild collectively cheered in relief, the mood suddenly flipping with a sense of calm washing over everyone. Most of the members began to celebrate the news with refilled cups of alcohol and loud dancing and singing, which were all common in the Fairy Tail Guild.

There were a few mages who still seemed reluctant to celebrate so quickly. Levy looked troubled as she bickered quietly with Gajeel, her barrier spell book forgotten beside her. The two looked to be arguing about something that Levy was currently winning. After a few more agitated hand gestures and a groan or two from the Iron Dragon Slayer, he let out a harsh exhale before pushing himself up with a determined small girl beside him.

Both of them approached Master Makarov and the group of mages that had tended to Natsu, letting soft whispers flitter between them. After a few seconds, Levy visibly deflated with a sad nod and returned to her chair with clear disappointment littering her features. Gajeel returned to her side with Pantherlily trying his best to distract the girl.

After hearing Natsu's fate, Gray still felt weary about leaving him alone without physically seeing him walking and speaking like normal. It felt childish but he needed the reassurance that Natsu wasn't teetering on the edge of death. He was sure that for the next week, Gray's mind wouldn't rest.

"I see you chose to sit alone."

Erza's large armor clinked together as she took a seat in front of the ice mage. Her tone wasn't dripping with hatred as some of the other guild members, but it also wasn't warm or soothing by any means.

"'_Chose'_ is a strong word," he replied bitterly, leaning himself backwards on the bench with his arms crossed over his chest.

Erza has always been a strong woman. Her resolve never wavered and she was a fierce opponent in battle, but above all she was a protector to her guild. Whether it be enemies attacking her home or simple quarrels between members, she held order and stood as a pillar of support and defense. This especially rang true when she would put herself in between Gray and Natsu's bickering. She would protect any one of her guild mates, even against one of their own.

"I'm guessing the guild is giving you the cold shoulder," she responded coldly, giving the rest of the members a once over before bringing her attention back on the man in front of her

Gray huffed in reply, "That's putting it lightly."

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two as Gray glared across the guild hall at a group of cheering drunk wizards. Erza contemplated her words carefully before starting her next line of questioning, letting her voice stand strong against her shaking fist, "How do you think Lucy felt?

The ice mage dropped his glare to give Erza a confused look, "About Natsu? I mean she's probably upset but-"

"No," Erza interrupted, "About how her teammate belittled her in front of her family for something she couldn't control."

Gray's wide eyes met Erza's stern glare, "Seriously? You too?"

Erza crossed her own own arms in a mockery of his, "Do you not think you crossed a line?"

Gray leaned himself over the table he resided at, letting his frustration shine through his words, "I _think_ my friend was almost killed because _Lucy _wasn't paying attention," He jabbed his index finger in the wooden table below him as he expressed his irritation, "She shouldn't always need Natsu to save her ass!"

Erza roughly grabbed Gray's hand, letting her own emotions she had been repressing for the sake of rekindling some sort of bond between Gray and Lucy without ruining their team show in her tense grip. Gray was surprised when he was yanked closer to the red head with a force that warned him to _shut up, _unless he'd rather be squashed in a wall crevice for someone to find later.

"Gray, I don't think you understand the consequences of your actions," She seethed as she forced him close enough to feel her breathe beat against his skin, "Your anger has caused a divide in our team that I'm not sure can ever be fixed! In hard times we stick together, not attack each other!"

Erza dropped him back against the wall with a thud. As he rubbed his sore arm and she took even breaths to calm her own nerves, another body approached the table, "Gray, Erza, you both should follow me. Let's have a discussion."

Both Gray and Erza dropped their sight on the smaller guild master who wore a tired expression. After Erza's outburst, Gray had a feeling he knew what was to come from a conversation with the master. He wasn't sure if he didn't deserve to be yelled at for his actions, he also wasn't sure if he regretted speaking to Lucy the way he did. If he hadn't put his foot down, this could lead to a repeat incident. Someone needed to tell Lucy that she needed to work harder, and he just happened to take on that responsibility.

The walk to the master's office wasn't nearly as awful as it could have been had the entire guild not been partying enough to notice. No one took a second glance at the three as they made their way to the third floor and into the small room. Makarov motioned for Gray and Erza to sit on the arm chairs provided as he sat himself atop the large desk littered with various papers and books.

Makarov had dealt with a lot in his life. Rambunctious kids, fighting adults, expensive damage repairs, attacks from enemy guilds, hell even the magic council's had it out for him. He's seen about everything under the sun, including his own guild being torn apart from the inside out. He'd witnessed that himself when Laxus had hit the peak of his rebellious stage. He's seen it before and he'll do everything he can to prevent it from happening again.

The master cleared his throat before he began, "Erza, I understand your concern for Lucy, but she will be alright. Do not let your worry consume you."

The requip mage solemnly nodded, forcibly relaxing her tense shoulders, "Yes master, I apologize for causing a scene."

Makarov turned to Gray, "Gray, I hope you can understand that your words tonight have caused a great deal of pain to Lucy and the rest of the guild."

Gray straightened his body defensively, "If my words hurt then so be it, it needed to be said."

"Enough of that," Makarov snapped back, letting frustration leak into his voice causing Gray to flinch backward in surprise, "There was no need for such a public display of betrayal."

"Betrayal?" As much as Gray had been on Lucy's case for the situation, he wouldn't classify his actions as betrayal, "I didn't betray anyone."

"You turned your back on your family, is that not the epitome of a betrayal?" The older wizard surveyed the ice mage before him, taking in his defensive stance.

"I mean I guess," Gray paused, giving Erza's stern eyes a glance, "but I didn't betray Lucy. I only said what I said so that she'll get better. So this doesn't happen again."

"There is a time and a place, my boy," Makarov sighed with a hand rubbing against his heavy eyes, "If that was a conversation you so desperately needed to have with Lucy, you should have handled it better."

"Also," Makarov continued with a slight smirk, "Don't you forget the amount of times you nearly got yourself or your teammates killed yourself. Don't ridicule what you have also done."

"That's different!" Gray jumped to his defense, his fingers curling around the chair arms as he leaned himself towards Makarov.

"Is it though?" Makarov narrowed his eyes at the younger wizard, "Everyone has made mistakes in life, including not being able to predict a move that nearly killed someone. Take the battle against the Oracion Seis for example, had Natsu been killed by Zero and you survived," The Master pointed to Gray, "would you have been blamed for his death? Or would we blame the vicious dark wizard who took his life with his own hands?"

Gray sighed, tilting his head in defeat. As if magic itself had healed the room of the toxic anger, all the frustration Gray had been feeling previously disintegrated. In its place stood a heavy weight of regret and understanding; though far too late for Makarov's liking but better than nothing. Gray hung his head, feeling something similar to what Lucy must have been feeling before, like he was a disappointment for ever accusing her of being the cause for Natsu's injury. What kind of teammate was he to blame Lucy for something she couldn't control?

"I'm sorry," Gray whispered, refusing to let any tears rise, whether they were guilty tears or not didn't matter, "I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I… I should have kept a level head. I just…" He trailed off, letting out a sniffle before picking back up his abandoned sentence, "He had no pulse when I showed up."

Erza whipped her head to face him with fear lacing her voice, "What?

The ice mage shrunk in on himself, refusing to make eye contact, "I thought he was already gone and took it out on Lucy. I guess he was actually still alive and she already knew," Gray rose his head to finally face the two in front of him, " I was just… scared, alright?"

Makarov hummed at the news with a creased brow, expecting nothing less than a theatrical story from Fairy Tail's strongest team, "It's understandable why you were upset and scared, but I can assure you both that Natsu is still alive and well," both Erza and Gray took comfort in his words, letting their minds unwind from their wild thoughts, "As I said before, you can't place blame on anyone for the actions of a dark guild except for the dark wizards themselves. Natsu is a strong and powerful mage who can handle attacks strong enough to wipe out our entire city. If something took out Natsu, chances are he was taken off guard. It's the fault of no one for the trickery of another."

Erza gave a sound of agreement as Gray stayed silent, seemingly mulling over the situation in his head. His guilt was eating him alive and all he could think about was how disgusting it felt. The feeling only multiplied when he realized Lucy had been experiencing this for the past 24 hours and all he did was beat her down more. He wasn't the only one who had almost lost a friend, she had witnessed it herself and had to deal with him blaming her for it. What kind of friend was he to turn his back on her when she was hurting?

"Oh my god," Gray groaned as he cradled his head in his hands, "I should go apologize. I was being an ass."

Makarov and Erza shared a smile together before the guild master spoke, "I'm glad you feel remorse, but I'm afraid I can't let you see her."

Gray shot up in his seat with creases lining his forehead, "Why not?"

"Give her the day to recoup Gray," Erza chimed in softly, "She's had a rough night."

Makarov nodded in agreement, "I have warned everyone in the guild they are not permitted to visit her," Makarov hesitated before adding with a sadness in his voice, "She probably wouldn't be too excited to see anyone so soon anyways."

Gray groaned and reluctantly found himself hunched over in his chair once again,"I'm guessing that's what Levy and Gajeel came to talk to you about?"

Makarov chuckled, "Ah Levy, she's just worried is all. Those two girls are close friends indeed."

"About Lucy's strength," Erza cut in earning herself a subtle look of encouragement from the master, "She is already a remarkably strong Celestial mage, the strongest I've ever met. However I can offer to train her in close combat and stealth to better aid her when her spirits cannot," Erza rubbed at her temple for a moment in thought, "Although, I've seen her handle a whip proficiently in close combat before. She's rather skilled."

"Indeed," Makarov agreed, "I don't think this is really a matter of Lucy not being strong enough. It's more a matter of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. From what I've been told," Makarov's soft persona was replaced with something that resembled more of a scolding parent, "A large part of what transpired was due to being unprepared for outside parties, such as the five wizards Lucy faced."

"Yeah," Gray replied quietly as he scratched his head sheepishly, "We didn't know that a group of em' weren't in the warehouse until I found Lucy and Flame Breath."

"If anything needs to be worked on," Makarov gave a pointed look to Gray, "It's the dynamic and trust of Team Natsu. It has been severely damaged tonight. And if you ever want to work together again," Makarov turned to Erza as well, "you need to fix things with Lucy."

"We understand Master," Erza stood from her seat, prompting Gray to mimic her, "Tomorrow morning we will visit Lucy ourselves."

"Yeah," Gray coughed awkwardly, the guilt still eating at him, "We'll fix this. Er, _I'll_ fix this."

"And on top of that," Makarov hopped off of his desk and sauntered over to the large entrance to his office, "Start preparing for your jobs properly, hm?"

* * *

"Aye! Virgo cut that out! You'll wake her up!" Loke never imagined he could yell and whisper at the same time, but even he could surprise himself every now and then.

Virgo had herself seated on the foot of Lucy bed, gently massaging the blonde's bare foot with delicate fingers as Loke attempted to swat her hands away from their task. The other only dodged his attack leaving an annoyed Loke huffing beside the bed, "Virgo," his voice held an inflection that warned her to heed his words, "If you wake her up, I swear to the Celestial God I will send you back to the spirit realm myself and lock you there for a year."

"Princess deserves to be pampered," Virgo paused her soft kneading of Lucy's skin to stare at Loke. Her eyes held emotion that he rarely saw in the girl, something dark and bitter was ambling in her features and he loathed that any of the people he cared about had to harbor such pain, "Leo agrees that Princess has been depressed, yes?"

Loke eyed Virgo skeptically, "Is that a trick question? Of course she's been depressed!" He waved his hand frantically to gesture towards the blonde fast asleep in her bed, "Did you even see her earlier!"

"Then please," Virgo began her massage once more, her face bearing a small smile, "Allow me to calm her tensed muscles until she awakes."

Loke remained planted in his position, giving Virgo an even more accusatory look than before. He looked down right offended that Virgo would continue abusing Lucy's feet, especially with how irritated her skin was. Given the night he had with the maiden spirit, he's surprised he hasn't gone crazy yet. Even so, he couldn't bring himself to stop her from most of her insane activities to keep productive with such a fresh wound placed in all of their hearts, but he was beginning to lose his patience.

"I can return to look out duty if Leo prefers," Virgo stated as if she hadn't just spoken Loke's personal nightmare.

"No. No, no, no thanks Virgo," Loke straightened his posture and smoothed out his wrinkled suit, giving Virgo a look that _begged _her to stay still, "We don't need a repeat of _that_."

Yes, seeing a pink haired girl perched on top of a kitchen counter with no concern for self decency as she declared enemies with passersby's on the street would constitute as one of Loke's worst fears that he never wanted to experience again.

Virgo returned to her self proclaimed mission, satisfied that she finally had Loke's blessing to continue. Loke sat himself at Lucy's desk, doing the same thing he had been doing for the past 8 hours: waiting for Lucy to wake up. No, he wasn't a guard dog. He was a Celestial Spirit, The Lion, The Leader of the Zodiac. But like hell was he going to leave Lucy here alone after her break down earlier in the day. The least he could do was make sure she was safe and secure in her home as she slept.

And if that meant he had to deal with Virgo's ridiculous ideas at "protecting" Lucy while keeping herself occupied, then so be it. Although he had to admit, the girl really did admire their master. As did he and the rest of Lucy's spirits.

It's never been a surprise to him how loyal and trusting the rest of Lucy's spirits were to her. She had a special bond with each of them. She treated them all with kindness and respect, and above all she never endangered any of them if she could help it. She was the best celestial spirit wizard, in both strength and character, that Loke had ever encountered in his existence. So it was natural for all of them to relentlessly worry over her as she lay dead asleep in her bed. After the day she had, everyone one of them were feeling the effects of her emotions.

Loke cast a glimpse towards Virgo who had resorted to humming a soft tune as she pushed and pulled on Lucy's red skin. He found himself smiling at her, pleased that she was finding relief and reassurance by being close to Lucy during her time of need. As much as he couldn't stand Virgo's crazy antics, he could sympathize with the helplessness she no doubt was feeling. All of them felt uneasy with a gnawing anxiety filling their minds, hence why he was here in the first place.

By the time Virgo had felt satisfied enough to place Lucy's feet back into her cocoon of blankets, the sun had already begun to set and the rain from early dissipated, leaving only light drops of water on the window and puddles of muddy water on the cobblestone path below. Both spirits fell into a comfortable silence as they watched Lucy's chest rise and fall in a steady beat.

If he was being honest, Loke had no idea what would come next. Whether Lucy went straight to the guild or waited to confront them all again wasn't his biggest concern at the moment. What he intended to bring to Lucy's attention first was the irritating red and blotchy rash that had developed across her body. Since it came from magic, it might have residual effects they aren't aware of. Getting that figured out was his first priority.

But in order to do that, she may have to visit the guild and face everyone again, and he wasn't sure if that was on her to-do list for the next week, let alone the next day.

He didn't have much more time to plan before a shrill, scratchy scream reverberated in the small bedroom. A panicked Lucy shot up in her bed, flailing her arms blindly in her constricting blankets. Her unsteady hands grabbing at her clothing that seemed more like they were drowning her the longer she struggled. Loke jumped into action, pulling the blankets off of her in a swift motion. Once all of the bedding was tangled on the floor, he sat still, waiting for her to regain her self awareness and calm down from whatever torment her mind conjured up.

"Lucy, you're okay," He assured her from afar, hoping his voice got through her muddled mind, "You're in your room with me and Virgo."

Her short pants slowly grew into deep breathes that she could count smoothly. She blinked her hazy eyes, letting the vivid memory of the woods disappear and instead take in the sight of her darkened room. Her racing heart settled at the same time both of her spirits gave her an encouraging smile.

"Good evening, Princess," Virgo took a step forward, giving Lucy a courtesy bow, "I hope you slept well."

Lucy rubbed her eyes, looking much smaller than her age, "What time is it?"

"It's about 8 PM," Loke replied as he watched her face morph into one of shock.

"8 PM?!" She shouted, jumping out of bed and running towards her bathroom, "I missed the whole day! I was supposed to go to the guild and see if Natsu wanted-" She cut herself off, halting her foot centimeters from touching the bathroom floor.

As realization dawned on her, both Loke and Virgo couldn't help but pity her. Instantly the stinging pain in her shins and the burn across her skin assaulted her body causing her to wince as her foot finally made contact with the tile. The recollection of yesterday's events flooded her mind, leaving that same crushing feeling she had been fleeing from this morning. She wouldn't be seeing Natsu today, or anyone from the guild for that matter. She couldn't face them, now or possibly ever again.

"Oh right," Lucy mumbled, forcing herself back around and stumbling back to her bed, "I almost killed Natsu."

Loke and Virgo cringed as Lucy painfully fell face first on her bed. Her words seemed louder the more Loke replayed them in his head, like a record stuck on repeat. He hadn't expected Lucy to wake up feeling herself again, nor had he expected her to forget what transpired on her mission with Team Natsu. No matter how hard he prepared himself for her mood to come crashing down again, it didn't stop him from hoping that she might handle things better this time around.

He and Virgo exchanged a silent observation, before both descended to either side of Lucy's bed. Both spirits sat them selves beside Lucy, offering a small amount of comfort to the blonde who was curling further into her mattress. As much as they both would like to soothe her worries and heart ache, smothering her wasn't the best idea. Instead, they made themselves a pillar of support for Lucy in her time of need.

After a few moments of silence, Lucy's muffled voice vibrated across the bed, "I'm sorry you guys had to come and babysit me."

"Babysit?" Virgo asked curiously, "Leo and I were helping you, not babysitting you."

Lucy choked out a distressing laugh that was cut off by her own tears. Her bruised body was pushed up by her elbows until she was on her hands and knees. She hated to admit how agonizing it was to move her aching muscles, and her skin was burning to the touch. The redness hadn't subsided. If anything it got more vividly colorful since she had fallen asleep. The only escape from the blinding crimson color was the white bandages wrapping her legs. But even she wasn't dense enough to believe that underneath the white cloth would be smooth, clear skin.

"Lucy," The blonde forcibly tore her eyes off of the monstrosity that was her destroyed body, giving Loke her distracted attention.

"I know you don't want to go back to the guild," He began with apprehension clear in his voice, "But that magic did something to you. We need to get you healed."

Lucy reflexively flinched inwards, dreading the lashing she would surely receive if she had to face Gray again. What if the guild decided she wasn't fit for Fairy Tail? When Natsu wakes up, will he blame her too? If she returned so soon, she might be there only to say goodbye, "You're right, I don't want to go back."

She didn't deserve their help or their kindness. Asking Wendy to treat her wounds would be selfish of her.. She wouldn't dare take magic energy away from Wendy when she may need it to save someone else in Fairy Tail, especially Natsu.

"Ever?" Virgo asked hesitantly, "You don't want to go back to Fairy Tail ever again?"

Lucy sat silently, contemplating that thought for a moment. She felt it was slightly melodramatic for her to think about never returning, and part of her felt guilty for even entertaining the idea given how Natsu had saved her to bring her there in the first place. She couldn't help but sigh that, yes, her journey to Fairy Tail began with Natsu coming to her rescue. Just like Gray had said, she never has been able to take care of herself without his help.

She wouldn't disgrace Natsu's generosity by throwing away the only home she has ever loved. Not after all he's done for her. But she still wasn't ready to face everyone. Especially so soon after she was exposed to the people she cared about most. The suggestion making her body jittery was enough of a reason for her to avoid the guild hall.

She needed time. Time to think and improve on herself and her strength. If she ever wanted to prove to Gray and the rest of Fairy Tail that she could handle herself, she needed to be stronger. She owed it to Natsu after he nearly gave his life to save hers. She dreaded the day Natsu actually faced death, and pleaded it never came from her hands.

"No," Lucy straightened herself out, finally looking more like the Lucy that Virgo and Loke could recognize, "I'll go back some day."

"Some day?" Loke sounded from beside her.

"Yeah," Lucy graced a small frown on her features, "I'm not ready to go back yet, I need to get stronger before I can call myself a Fairy Tail Wizard again."

"What do you mean, Princess?" Virgo leaned forward in anticipation.

With the assistance of her bed and Loke's shoulder, Lucy hoisted herself from her position and shuffled over to her nearby desk. She pulled out a used notebook from her drawer full of her drabbles and prompts she's experiment with in the past. As she turned to an empty page, she began to write a letter that was just the beginning to many.

Both of her guests remained quiet as her pencil flew across the paper fluidly. Neither spoke, instead choosing to patiently wait for Lucy to process her thoughts. She was grateful to have such caring spirits who would sacrifice so much to watch over her. They were like her guardian angels.

"I want to leave Magnolia," She said simply, not surprised at all by the surprised gasps her spirits gave her, "I know it's sudden, and I hope you all won't object," She ceased her writing, staring distantly at the paper before her, "I want to train my magic and body before I return to Fairy Tail. I need to be stronger, for myself and for Natsu."

Lucy tightened her grip on her pencil. Her eyes were foggy with unshed tears and her mind was disorganized with unpleasant thoughts. She never imagined she'd be leaving Fairy Tail, or Natsu for that matter. She'd figured if her time to part were to ever come it would be under pleasant farewells and parting gifts. A part of her always dreamed that if that day ever came, then Natsu would be the one to accompany her.

She rubbed away at her eyes, squashing her thoughts about her possible, not-so-secret crush on her friend. She couldn't afford to think about what if's.

"I trust in you and your decisions," Loke spoke with compassion, something Lucy forced herself to not push away, "and if this is what you want, then all of us will stay by your side."

Virgo gave her familiar smile, "Whatever Princess desires, I will follow."

Lucy felt her lips curl, and a happiness she hadn't felt in the past 24 hours was starting to blossom in her chest. Her gratitude must have shown on her face when both Loke and Virgo mirrored her expression. Lucy should consider herself lucky for having such wonderful, understanding spirits.

But they weren't just Spirits, they were her friends. And they showed just how much they cared by their actions today. Lucy just hoped she could repay them for their good deeds.

"Thank you, guys," Lucy faced her notebook once more, with a half written letter made out to the Fairy Tail guild, "I have to write a few last minute messages to people who may need information, but I want to leave tonight."

"Woah, tonight?" Loke shouted in alarm, startling Lucy out of her slight trance, "What about that rash? Your skin is all red and stuff!"

His worry was endearing to Lucy, which made guilt build in her stomach for that thought to even cross her mind, "I'll visit a doctor tomorrow, just not in Magnolia."

Loke stared at her, looking displeased with her decision, but not knowing whether he should challenge her or not.

"Loke," She chuckled lightly, "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I've been spending so much time on this chapter and it ended up being about twice as long as the last one lol. I have up to Chapter 7 planned out so far, and I'm playing around with some ideas after that! I really hope you guys enjoy this, idk if it's exactly how I wanted it to turn out but I felt like if I added anything else to this it might be a little too much haha. And I promise you Natsu wakes up next chapter. Get ready for that lol.
> 
> My Socials:  
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	3. Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy begins her journey and Natsu discovers his worst nightmare.

By the time Lucy completed the three letters and sufficiently packed up her belongings, it was nearly 9:30 at night. All three were secured in their own envelopes, addressed to each of the intended readers in neat handwriting. There was a mental debate over how the letters would be delivered, but her fear of approaching the guild hall so soon kept her from taking them on foot. Instead she settled for leaving them displayed on her bedroom desk for whoever decides to search for her first.

With the help of Virgo and Loke, Lucy had packed up a small bag of jewel, a sleeping bag, some parts of her first aid kit, and a few pairs of clothing. Going through her closet had been a chore, as most of the cheerful colored clothes that consisted of mainly skirts and tank tops didn't seem to fit her current mindset. The idea of walking outside with such a loud outfit left her stomach twisting in knots. She would rather avoid any extra attention than is necessary.

Virgo had noticed her troubled thoughts, and returned to the Celestial Spirit world in search of attire better suited for her needs. When she returned, she held various dark brown, green, and purple clothing that didn't stand out as much as her bright pink shirt. She also came armed with a pair of hiking boots and a pale black cloak which Lucy made a grab for first.

"Wow Virgo," Lucy gasped as she pulled the heavy fabric between her fingers, "This is perfect."

Not only would it cover her face from passing strangers, but it would ease her own mind to have a protective layer over her clothing. It was an item that hadn't crossed her mind during her scrimmage through her closet, but she was grateful Virgo seemed in-tuned with her current desires.

The blonde turned to Virgo with her gratitude plastered on with a teary smile, "Thank you."

The maiden spirit bowed gracefully, "Anything for you, Princess."

Lucy gathered the new clothes, choosing to change into a new pair of dark jeans and a long sleeved purple shirt, and tucked the rest into her travel bag. After her bag was zipped up and packed full, she pulled the cloak over her shoulders and button it closed over her collar bone. The fabric was long enough to end just above her ankle, which gave her enough room to comfortably walk or run without dragging it through the dirt.

"Lucy," Loke approached her with her brown pouch filled with her Celestial Keys in hand, "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"Yeah," Lucy grabbed her keys and attached them to her hip, "I'm sure."

As Lucy grabbed for one of her keys, preparing to summon a spirit, Loke spoke up again, "But your magic energy is still so low. I can ask him to visit on his own, you know."

Lucy solemnly shook her head, "I have to get stronger. I won't be doing myself any favors by letting you guys do all the work for me."

Loke refrained from making anymore objections and instead stepped back to stand beside Virgo once more. He wholeheartedly believed in Lucy and her abilities, but that didn't stop him from worrying about her. He would follow her where she chose to go, whether that was to leave Fairy Tail entirely or not. He had faith in her even when she didn't have it in herself.

Lucy took her stance in the middle of her bedroom, preparing her voice and body for her next move. Summoning a spirit had never been quite as nerve wracking and anxiety inducing as it was in the moment. She knew it was irrational of her to fear her magic. She's lived with Celestial keys her entire life. She's become accustomed to having these eternal being by her side, as her friends. Yet here she was, terrified of summoning one of her closest friends, over a bright light.

There wasn't any getting around this if she wanted to summon her spirits on her own. If she couldn't do this, she might as well quit Fairy Tail and find a new home for her keys. This was just step one of her journey.

Without any more second thoughts, Lucy thrusted her hand in front of her, letting her limited magic power course through her veins, "Open! Gate of the Giant Crab!"

As predicted, a pale yellow light illuminated from the key in Lucy's hand. Panic was crawling up her throat when she realized the light was actually touching her, which meant that soon it would engulf her and the pain would be back. But when the light subsided and all she felt was the familiar dull pain she'd been carrying since yesterday, she let out a sigh of relief.

When the room cleared, Cancer was posed in the middle of her apartment, scissors in hand, "Lucy, baby," his voice was smooth and soft as he snipped his scissors to his words, "I hope you're feeling cool."

Lucy replaced Cancers key, already feeling drained from opening his gate, "Much better," she gave him a grin, "Thanks Cancer."

The crab spirit flashed her a smile of his own, "What's on the menu today?"

"Actually," Lucy sat herself down on her desk chair, "I need you to cut my hair."

"Cut your hair?" Loke inquired from his seat on her bed.

"Yup, I want it short and uninteresting, throw in some hair dye too," She tossed her long blonde hair behind her shoulders, "Can you help?"

"Hair dye?!" Loke jumped to his feet and shoved his way between Lucy and Cancer, "What if you hate it?! You've always loved your hair!"

"Loke, it's fine," Lucy soothed the man that looked about 10 seconds away from bursting at the seams, "Cancer can always bring my hair back to its original form. If I desperately miss my old hair, I can ask for it back. Right, Cancer?"

"Right on, baby."

Loke didn't budge from his spot, his outstretched hand twitching in front of Lucy's face. He wasn't sure what possessed him to become so overprotective of Lucy. It's as if his perception of her has changed ever since he saw her so vulnerable. He can't bring it past himself to forget her shaken form, and every inch of him screamed to watch out for her.

As Lucy gently pushed his hand downwards, he finally relinquished his defiance. After all, she was right. She could always bring her hair back to its former self if she wanted to. Loke slowly stepped to the side, allowing Cancer to get to work on Lucy's hair.

Both Virgo and Loke swayed side to side to catch every precise move Cancer made near Lucy's head. The crab spirit spirit worked diligently fast, finishing in record time. As he stepped back from the chair Lucy sat at, all three occupants of the room surrounded her with various expressions of aw.

"Wow," Loke coughed, "You look nice as a brunette."

"Leo doesn't want to admit his faults," Virgo prodded with a smirk.

"Shut it, Virgo," Loke groaned, giving Virgo a scowl and jab to the side with his elbow.

Lucy chuckled and shook off her spirits bickering. Already she felt a difference with how lightweight her hair head felt. She stepped into her bathroom, finally seeing her reflection for the first time since she returned from her mission with Team Natsu.

Her newly dyed brown hair was cut just above her shoulders, and framed her swollen face evenly. A part of her felt instant regret curl in her chest, and she felt pointless tears begin to surface in mourning of her lost blonde locks. She needed to avoid attracting attention to herself, which her bright hair in it's signature hair style would do. Over time, she had become a recognizable face at Fairy Tail, especially with her being in Fairy Tails strongest team. If she were to leave looking like herself, she'd be instantly spotted and her efforts would be for nothing. She didn't have any intention of being found until she was ready to confront everyone again.

Besides, just like she told Loke, she can always transform into her old self with Cancer's help. That was a huge motivation for her to work harder.

Examining the rest of her body lead her to the sight of her scorching skin. Gently running a finger across her forearm left her hissing in pain. It was reminiscent of a sunburn and a rug burn mixed, and multiplied by 10. Overtime the burning sensation increased, to the point that even clothing gently rubbing against her body was becoming an issue. She may have a serious problem on her hands if she doesn't handle this rash soon.

She's aware Loke is keeping watch on her health, and she's sure if she gives him an inch of space to push her around he'd have her in a doctor's office in the next minute. She did promise him that she'd see someone, and he respected her wishes to leave town before finding that someone. She just hoped she didn't collapse before she got there.

Lucy reached her hands up to her hood, letting it fall over her face and shield her eyes. She felt a minuscule smile across her face, and an ounce of confidence was winding up within her. There was just one last item on her check list before she was ready to leave. Reaching into her bathroom cabinet, she pulled out a roll of bandages from the remnants of her first aid kit she hadn't already packed. Her right hand extended from the safety of the cloak. Her eyes brushed over the pink Fairy Tail mark she spent so much of the last few years staring at in astonishment.

Every mission, every fond memory, every guild celebration, was etched into her memory. All of them were linked to this symbol that she was lucky to bear. It was one of her most prized possessions, and it hurt her deeply to do what she was planning. Taking the end of the bandages, she began wrapping from her palm around the back of her hand until the entire mark was covered up in stark white cloth. As the pink mark disappeared from her view, she kept telling herself it was for her safety, so no one reported her to the guild or the magic council. If someone decided to post her as a missing person rather than heed her words and let her be, she would be the first suspect with a Fairy Tail guild mark on display. She couldn't risk it, even if the covered mark gave her a deep heartache.

Lucy gave herself one more good look into her mirror. It hasn't been more than two days and she's already changed as a person drastically. The thought of cutting and dying her hair would have had her sobbing just last week. She always took pride in her looks, but now that she was a swollen red mess, the desire to stay pretty was faded from her priorities. The only thing she should be worried about it getting stronger, so she doesn't disappoint Natsu again.

The now-brunette turned away from her reflection, turning off her bathroom light as she exited towards the rest of her spirits. All three gave her soft smile, Loke having calmed down from his mini freak out over Lucy's hair.

"Thanks for your help Cancer," Lucy said as she approached him, "You can head back now."

Cancer gave her grin and snip of his scissors before disappearing into his own pale light. Lucy felt pride in herself for only flinching slightly rather than panicking as she did early. She could tell both of her spirits were thinking the same thing with shared looks they both had.

"Well," Loke started with a survey of the apartment, "Looks like that's everything. Are you ready to head out?"

Lucy let her fingers brush against the nicely laid out letters. One to Fairy Tail, the guild as a whole that she'd called home for so long. One to Master Makarov, the person closest to a father figure she had in her life at the moment. Lastly, one to Natsu. The boy, no, the man who captured her heart and who she had failed to protect.

She dropped her hand to her side and bent down to pick up her travel bag, "Yeah, let's go."

As her hand encircled the shoulder strap, Loke's hand was on hers, "Hey I can carry this for you. You're still weak."

Lucy instantly stood with her arms crossed across her chest. Her stubborn nature was peaking through the cracks of depression, and Loke was secretly relieved to see something other than the sad shell she had become. Her eyebrows scrunched together and her lips were pursed as she spoke to him, "Loke, you've been mother henning me since you got here!"

"No I haven't!" He chimed back, but had a hard time keeping his pleasure out of his voice.

He never thought he'd enjoy arguing with a female, but there was always room for firsts.

"I agree," Virgo added, "Leo has been excessively hen like."

Lucy placed her hands on her hips, letting the cloak drape over her arms, "Quit worrying so much about me, when's the last time you returned to the spirit world, hm?"

Loke blanched at his master, finding himself in a rather peculiar position, "Uhh…"

The brunette sighed with a hint of humor in her voice, "Please get some rest. I don't want you getting hurt by being out here too long," Lucy turned her attention to the other party, "You too Virgo."

"I'm not leaving you alone," Loke demanded as worry began to set in, "I stayed out here for three years once, one day won't matter."

He wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to her and he wasn't there. He needed to be there with her, if not for her then for his own state of mind. He made a promise to protect her, and he wouldn't fail her.

"Days add up, Loke. I don't want to risk it," Lucy shook her head, letting her gaze fall to his feet, "I don't want to lose any of you, or cause you any pain."

Loke pondered his options, desperately trying to find some sort of loophole that would allow him to stay longer. He hated worrying her, and staying in the human world would only make that worse. She was naturally protective of her spirits, so it was in her very essence to look out for him and the rest of her keys.

Finally, Loke gave in, "Fine, I'll head back. But I'm returning later!" He pointed his finger at Lucy childishly, "And I'm sending someone else out in my place."

Lucy dropped her arms to her side with a satisfied smirk playing on her lips, "Alright, I can agree to that."

Loke turned to Virgo, initiating her leave himself. She gave Lucy a customary goodbye before disappearing back to the spirit world, leaving only Loke and Lucy once more.

"Thank you for everything," She spoke with sincerity and meek smile.

"It no problem Lucy," He responded as his body began to morph with the yellow light surrounding him, "I'll send someone in a second."

Once he was gone, Lucy was alone for the first time since she woke up. The first thing she noticed was the deafening silence that seemed to ring in her ear. It left her feeling on edge, like something would pop out from the corners any second. Shiver ran down her spine and for a moment she felt stuck in place. Her inclination to leave was multiplying as the seconds past.

Without any more hesitation, she picked up her travel bag and set off into the world.

* * *

_ **ONE WEEK LATER** _

When Natsu awoke, it wasn't with a slow, gentle head rub. Nor was it a nudge to his shoulder. In fact, he woke up by himself with a foreboding feeling in the pit of his stomach. His consciousness was wrenched out of whatever dreamland he had conjured up, leaving him staring up at the light above him with a strain in his head.

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes with rough hands. His muscles felt stiff from disuse, which left him wondering how long he'd been laying there. His memory was hazy, but given he was alive he assumed the job was completed. The dragon slayer sat up on the bed that he found himself on. Looking around, he realized he was in the Fairy Tail Infirmary, which he wasn't too surprised about. The amount of times he found himself here was enough to warrant it the name of his third home, Lucy's apartment being his second.

He stretched out his body, pulling on bandages around his torso in the process. He glanced down to note the damage, but all he could see was bandages around his exposed chest. Yet he felt no pain.

Natsu shrugged it off, and instead pushed himself off the bed and towards the door. He could tell from the window that the day was still early, so most of the wizards should be in the guild hall. As he opened the door and approached the main hall, he could only pick up a few quiet conversations. Normally his hearing was better than the average humans, but he's blaming the undetermined amount of sleep and the worsening pain in his head for his inability to make out what anyone was saying.

The hallway from the infirmary was empty as one would expect, so Natsu's trek to the large open room was uneventful. That is, until he appeared in the archway and nearly everyone exploded into cheers. The entire guild was surrounding him, asking him a million questions at once but none of them reached his brain. He pulled back from the crowd of people, trying his best to understand what they were saying, but only one word made it through his cloudy wall of a consciousness.

_Lucy._

"YO!" Natsu shouted above everyone, causing the wizards to quiet their onslaught of words, "Everyone talkin' at once is makin' my brain hurt!"

The crowd around Natsu backed away with solemn looks on their faces. The pain in his head began to grow as he tried to listen in to the whispered conversations around him. The only word he was able to catch is the same word he heard just a moment ago, _Lucy_.

"Natsu!" Mirajane approached him from behind.

Even her soft voice had his head rolling forward in pain. He brought his hand up to cradle his forehead, lightly pushing on his temple to ease the discomfort as he turned to the white haired woman.

"Yeah, what's up Mira?" He tried his best to make his voice not sound annoyed but he currently felt like his head was split in two so he's not so sure if he succeeded.

The girl was wearing a distressed expression, something he hadn't noticed was on quite a few of the guild halls visitors. She eyed him up and down before taking his forearm and dragging him back to the infirmary. The pink haired boy had no objections about leaving the rowdy crowd and allowed the girl to lead him away.

He was sitting on the hospital bed again, with Mira checking over his "wounds", which weren't actually wounds since he was completely healed. She had unraveled the bandages around his torso leaving him exposed from the waist up. Her fingers poked and prodded at his back and the fight that was dormant deep inside him made no move to stop her with the spiked rock that seemed to be floating around his head just to spite him.

After her cold fingers stopped touching his skin, the bandages were disposed of and she returned with a cup in hand, "Drink this, it'll help the headache."

Without any thought, Natsu did as he was told. He was expecting water but whatever he had ingested tasted more like rotten grape juice to him. Just as he was tempted to spit it out. Mira's voice deepened, "Don't you dare, Natsu."

And so, out of pure fear, Natsu swallowed the concoction without any further trouble. He wasn't expecting any sort of instant relief, but he wasn't complaining when the world suddenly made sense again and the voice around him didn't make him want to pound his head in.

"Dang Mira!" He exclaimed with much more energy than he had a few minutes, "Whatever you just gave me was a life saver!"

Mirajane chuckled as she cleaned up the empty glass. "It's a magic remedy potion Levy and Wendy cooked up for you."

"Well I guess I'll have to thank them!" Natsu jumped up from the hospital bed.

He scanned the room in search of his vest, but after a few seconds without instantly finding it, he figured he could just pick up a new one at home. It wouldn't surprise him if he lost it on the mission but he also couldn't be bothered to look much harder for it. At the very least, he still had his scarf and that's what he really cared about. A shirt could always be replaced.

Just as Natsu was about to exit the room once more, Mirajane reached a hand out to stop him. Her fingers landed on his shoulder, gripping onto his scarf. Her face held a sadness that he hadn't seen since she believed Lisanna to be dead. His mind instantly flooded with possibilities, and none of them were pleasant. What could possibly cause such a cheerful person to be reduced to this?

"Mira," He swallowed the lump in throat and pushed away the anxiety creeping into his mind, "My team… is everyone okay?"

Mira refused to meet his eyes, regretting that it had to be her to deliver the news to Natsu. She could only imagine the world of anger he might encompass himself into. He and Gray had always had their issues, but this very well may be the final straw. But a selfish part of her wanted Natsu to know as soon as possible, if only because he has the best chance out of any of them at getting Lucy to open back up to them.

Nearly everyone in the guild had paid the blonde a visit to her home bearing gift baskets, books, and various other treats. Gray and Erza arrived first with apologies and hope, but their knocks received no answers. Levy and Gajeel came next with Lucy's favorite novel, though still, she refused to open her doors. Mirajane, Elfman, and Lisanna visited with a fresh batch of cookies and some warm tea that only cooled on her front doorstep.

Eventually nearly all of the guild had tried to entice her outside, yet nothing worked. No one had seen or heard from her since that night, and no one wanted to intrude on her if she'd rather be alone. Instead, they waited impatiently for Natsu to awaken. Maybe then, the Celestial Spirit mage will let someone in.

"Erza and Gray are okay," She began with a low voice, "Wendy's been a bit shaken up but Happy and Carla are taking care of her."

The missing name did not go unnoticed by the dragon slayer. If anything, it only made him more aware of the situation. His instincts were telling him something was terribly wrong. He felt the need to protect, to defend, to attack. Yet he couldn't warrant any such actions without an answer about the only word he's been been able to process since he woke up.

"Lucy?" He almost didn't want to ask, the fear that something might have happened to her picking away at his self control.

"Last I checked, she's okay," Mirajane responded, finally looking up to meet Natsu wide eyes, "No one has seen her in a week."

"A week?" He tried to force his rapidly beating heart to calm. His mind was a whirlwind of confusion and anxiety. He hardly remembered what happened before he was hit, and he couldn't continue to imagine what might have occurred while he was down.

Had Lucy really been away for a week? Has he really been unconscious for a week? Both seemed hard to believe, but Mirajane never had any reason to lie to him before. It just seemed so odd to Natsu that Lucy would be hiding from the guild for so long. She loved Fairy Tail just as much as he did, and he had faith their guild members would do anything in their power to help her if she was in need. So that left the burning question in his mind, "Why?"

Mirajane refused to look away as her eyes filled with tears. What emotion Mira was feeling was lost to him with his own thoughts jumbled in his mind. It appeared as a mix of worry, or maybe anger or guilt, but he had no intention of finding out. Processing anything other than the sinking feeling in his chest was springing flaring panic in his brain. His mind was screaming at him to run in the opposite direction. Not to run away, but to run towards the only person who can relieve this frenzy in his head. So he can reassure himself that the person he cared about most didn't have a gaping wound in body or soul.

But he was frozen in his tracks, begging Mira to give him an answer. All she gave him was a shake of her head, and it was enough of a reason for Natsu to justify abandoning the conversation before was out the door and running through the guild hall with a rabid look in his eyes. Voices called out to him, but his legs refused to stop. His instincts were screaming at him to hurry, because one week was long enough for internal scars to dig deep or for physical ones to make their mark. He was preparing for the worst case scenario, because he had nothing to go off of. He wasn't even sure if he was going to the right place.

Lucy could be kidnapped, lost in her own mind, or 6 feet underground right now and he'd have no idea. He'd be none the wiser to her decaying body or her blood curdling tears. She might have been calling out his name for the past seven days while he was sleeping peacefully in a hospital bed. He shook his head in frustration, willing the dark thoughts out of his mind as he advanced closer to his destination. He could just be overreacting.

Without much information to go off of, Natsu ran to the first place he could think of. His second home and first choice of comfort, Lucy's apartment. He slowed to a stop in front of the building. The neighborhood felt just as homey and lively as it normally did with the passing families and familiar boaters, though Natsu couldn't calm the fire within him. As various people passed, waving their greetings at the dragon slayer, he stayed put on the cobblestone path.

He debated for a moment about which entrance he should take. Lucy had never been fond of him entering through the window, but he wasn't sure if he could handle waiting in front of her front door with a tentative knock. He'd never been a predictable person who followed societal norms, so the window was his choice. He quickly scaled the wall until he was perched on her window sill. The inside of her apartment was shielded by her light pink curtains but a light push on the wooden frame allowed him access. Although he was happy he was able to enter easily, he made a mental note to scold her for not locking her window to avoid crazy men from breaking into her apartment.

Yes, crazy men like him.

Natsu stepped through the opening between the curtains, landing directly on her perfectly made bed. Her bedroom was dark and silent, save for his own labored breathing. As his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, he noticed the entire room was void of any living creature. He tried to force his worry down, but he was alarmed not only by the empty room, but the distant smell. Lucy's scent, just as he always remembered it, was faded. He knew instantly that she hadn't been home for some time. The only thing keeping him sane was that it was only Lucy's scent and some of her spirits scents that seemed to have intruded the unit.

At the very least, he knew no one had infiltrated her home. The tiniest ease to his troubled mind was welcomed.

He pushed himself off her bed and searched for the light switch blindly before surveying the rest of the apartment. Just as he had assumed, the rest was just as empty as her bedroom with the same lingering scents of Lucy, Loke, and two of her celestial spirits. There was nothing foreign, which he was thankful for, but the panic was still ever so present in his chest.

His best friend was missing, and he was asleep the whole time. He growled in a deep voice as he grabbed his hair in frustration. Confusion wracked his brain. He couldn't compute why or how this was happening. He couldn't sense any signs of a struggle, nor did he have any answers from his guild. His memory only served him the image of Lucy's face of anguish as he fell into her arms. What had happened after he failed to take down that mage? Why wouldn't Mira tell him?

Natsu threw his hands to his side. Lucy's faded scent was suddenly overwhelming, like it was mocking him because he didn't have her here with him. He felt an itch in his palm to punch something, but the thought of damaging anything of Lucy's when he still had no idea what was going on was keeping him at bay.

He began pacing, trying to formulate a plan in his head. He needed to talk to the rest of his team and find out some answers. Obviously something was wrong and Mira didn't seem to want to be the one to tell him. He hadn't seen any of them in the guild, though he also wasn't exactly paying too much attention to who was near him when he was in the main hall.

As Natsu made a quick left to begin walking back towards the bedroom door, Lucy's immaculate desk paused his movement. Three carefully placed letters were organized with gold seals over the flaps, each corner placed over another. As he neared closer, the familiar writing stood out to him. In Lucy's handwriting, the letters were addressed to Fairy Tail, Master Makarov, and himself: Natsu.

Without much thought, he reached for his letter between the others. He was rather delicate with the envelope, which was unlike himself. He was careful with the nicely folded paper meant for him as he unfolded it, revealing words that hopefully lead him to the girl he wants to see most.

* * *

** _Dear Natsu,_ **

_I'm so sorry. You came to save me when I was down and I couldn't protect you when you needed me. I'm not worthy enough to be in Fairy Tail or in your team. We aren't on the same level, in strength or in power. I've only been weighing you down and causing everyone grief. I don't deserve your kindness or your help if I can't be there for you too._

_I need to be stronger before I can call myself a Fairy Tail Wizard, before I can call myself your equal. I don't ever want to be the reason you never wake up again. I failed you, Gray, Erza, Wendy, and even Happy and Carla. I failed all of Fairy Tail, and until I can handle things on my own, I don't deserve to come back._

_I'm leaving to work on myself and my strength. I don't know when I'll be back or how long it'll take, but I intend to return when I feel it's right. It may be months, or it could take years, but I will return eventually. Maybe by then you can forgive me for nearly giving you an early grave._

_Please don't search for me, I don't want to be found. I need to do this for myself, and for you. I can't live with myself if I ever cause you such pain again. I'll be sending rent money every month until I return, but other than that I will have no contact with anyone inside Magnolia. Thank you for everything you've done for me. You mean more to me than you'll ever know, which is why I can't risk losing you over my stupidity._

_Take care of yourself, Natsu. Try not to fight with Gray too much. He just cares for you, like I do. He's looking out for you, so don't take it out on him. He's justified in his anger, he just wants what's best for you. And right now, that's not me. But one day I hope I am. That's what I'm working towards. Maybe when I come back, I'll be someone you can be proud of too._

** _Sincerely,_ **

** _Lucy Heartfilia_ **

* * *

Light tears drops began smudging the paper as Natsu reread the words directed towards him. His mind wasn't processing what Lucy had written for him anymore, instead he felt despair leaking through his bones. The paper shook in his hands as he tried reading through the first line once more. He was trying to understand in his head what could have possibly happened during this week to make Lucy want to leave. Why did she feel like she wasn't worthy of being a part of Fairy Tail? How did this idea get wormed into her brain and drive her to run away? And why would she spend a paragraph defending Gray of all people?

_Please don't search for me._

Natsu snarled as he jumped into a standing position. With the letter laying alone on the floor, he tore through Lucy's desk in a frenzy. He was searching for anything, any clue as to where she went. He just needed something to go off of. He would search the whole world for her if he had to, "Fuck this Lucy," He growled as he a pile of papers flew from the desk drawer, "I'm finding you whether you like it or not."

After finding nothing in the first drawer, he checked the second which yielded the same results. The third drawer was smaller than the others, and was rather empty. The only thing sitting at the bottom was an expensive looking pen and a pink and gold lined notebook. The way it was placed so meticulously had Natsu halting his messy movements. He handled this book with care, flipping through the pages until he reached the first one.

_A Hearts Tamer_

_Written by Lucy Heartfilia_

Natsu instantly shut the book, refusing to read any more as reality settled in. Everything that had occurred in the past ten minutes was finally making sense in his brain. Something happened while he was asleep to make Lucy want to leave. She left to get stronger, and left her most prized possession in her unguarded apartment. The novel she never let anyone besides Levy read was left behind for anyone to find.

He stared at the cover of the notebook with a numb feeling taking over. His tears had stopped, and his hostility was only just beginning, but for now he remained stoically calm while in the presence of the one thing Lucy cherished as much as her spirits and guild mates. He could leave it here just as she did, but he refused to leave her hard work unprotected. This work of art meant something to Lucy, and he made himself personally responsible for preserving it until it made its way back into her hands.

Finally, Natsu's panic had subsided into something more tame-able. Instead he had a fury burning deep inside him for whoever was responsible for this mess. They'd had close calls before, and Lucy had never reacted like this. Someone had to have caused this train of thought and he was determined to find them. He was itching to fight ever since he woke up, and he was sure he'd get a good punch in before he left to find Lucy.

Natsu grabbed the remaining two letters along with his own and placed them between the pages of the notebook. He quickly cleaned up the mess he made before disappearing out the window towards the Fairy Tail guild hall, intending to get some answers.

* * *

** _THREE DAYS AFTER DEPARTURE_ **

Lucy had made it 20 miles before she was swaying back and forth on the dirt road, begging for sleep to claim her. Her feet and muscles ached from the endless walking and her skin was growing more and more irritated as time went on. Rather than taking the train to the small town she had planned to travel too, the Celestial Wizard had chosen to travel the entire way on foot with various spirits eager to accompany her. Her weariness to ride the train was explained by her fear of being recognized so close to home. If anyone were to notice her so soon and told anyone where she had traveled too, she'd just be leaving a map of her trail behind.

So for three days, Lucy Heartfilia had been limping her way, with minimal rest breaks, out of Magnolia and back down towards the small town of Carbume. The same town she had just returned from with a failed mission and an unconscious dragon slayer. The travel time was increased drastically by her choice to walk and only multiplied further with her inability to speed up much more than a hobble. She denied aid from any of her spirits to assist her, but she was beginning to regret her stubbornness as her flaming skin was approaching the height of her pain tolerance.

Loke had remained by her side constantly after the first day when Lucy had begun to lose track of time and subsequently forgot to order him back to the spirit world. His concern was only growing with each passing hour as he witnessed Lucy's reddened skin darken in the sun. Her moves became sluggish and her words were less frequent, but that wasn't even his biggest concern. What had been plaguing his mind most was why Lucy's magic energy hasn't been restoring properly. She had remained low on power and her body didn't seem to be able to regenerate it. He hated to let his mind wander, but without any answers he was left with only his imagination.

The brunette trailing next him fumbled on a rock, barely catching herself before she face planted into the dirt below. He reached out a hand to steady her only to pull away when she flinched away from him. She refused to meet his eye as she continued her snails pace.

"Lucy, please let me carry you," Loke pleaded from beside her.

"No," She replied with closed eyelids as she staggered forwards

He wasn't too pleased to say he and Lucy had been having a fair amount of arguments lately, but he hasn't regret a single word. He had been harping on her to rest for at least an hour, and it seemed the more often her requested he to stop and rest, the more agitated she became with him. She declared that she didn't need his help, or that she could make her own decisions, which he was respectful of. She was determined to do things on her own, that much was apparent. But when her choices are directly affecting her health, he can't help but step in to be the joy kill.

"You can't keep going like this. You're going to end up killing yourself if you keep this up!" Loke jumped in front of the girl, causing her to bump into his chest.

She fell backwards with a disoriented look, blinking her eyes into awareness. Loke stared with intense eyes as she returned to her tenacious behavior, "I'm fine, Loke."

As she tried to continue, Loke put his hand on her shoulder to halt her movements, "We've barely gotten half of the way there. At this rate, it'll take us over a week to get to Carbume."

Lucy seemed to widen her eyes in surprise before erasing the expression from her face and attempting to shrug off his hand, "If it takes a week then it takes a week. I'm not going to treat you guys as my personal taxis."

"Would you stop thinking like that?!" Loke's voice rose slightly, "None of us think you're using us!"

They both remained silent, each watching for each other's next move. For a moment, Loke thought his words might have finally struck a chord deep in her traumatized mind. Until her foot moved forward to take one step, but it never made it to the ground. Two arms circled around her body and lifted her into the air. She settled into a cradled position against a large chest, "Hellooo Miss Lucy! Hope you don't mind me stepping in!"

Loke smirked towards his friend, "Good to see you, Taurus."

Lucy struggled against her spirits hold unsuccessfully, "Let me go, Taurus!"

The bull spirit shook his head as he and Loke began to stroll down the dirt path much faster than they were able to a few moments ago, "No can dooo! You need your rest pretty lady! Let the duuuudes take care of the walkin'!"

"Just get some rest," Loke called from the ground below with a hope she would finally give in, "You can walk on your own again later."

Although she didn't respond, her struggles didn't falter for a few minutes, even as Taurus tried and failed to hold a conversation with her. All of her concentration was placed on breaking free from the prison she found herself in. Eventually her small amount of strength she had stored in her body dissipated and her movements began to slow until eventually they stopped altogether. Taurus went from constraining her attempts at freeing herself to holding a peacefully sleeping girl.

Loke blew a sigh of relief, silently thanking the universe for finally giving her a chance to, maybe, regain her energy. He was still unsure about whether her lack of sleep was a contributor to her lack of magic energy, but it was a more flattering idea than pairing it with whatever has been going on with her skin. She had become a handful by refusing help from anyone and denying her own body a break it so obviously craved, and was only worsening her state by insisting she do everything alone.

Ever since she came home from the mission with Team Natsu, she had become a lone wolf. She was hesitant to take any handouts or ask for assistance. She was pushing herself and her limits each day, which on its own could have been beneficial. But when paired with an unknown deteriorating skin condition, a weakened magical state, and debilitating anxiety, it only serves up more trouble rather than improvements. And all of these problems and their setbacks lead back to Gray and his hurtful words that took root in Lucy's mind.

"She's trying to prove herself," Loke blurted out to the company beside him, "by rejecting our help."

Taurus remained silent, watching the steady rise and fall of Lucy's chest as Loke spoke, "She thinks that if she can't do this on her own, then Gray was right about her," He put a hefty amount of force behind a kick to a small rock, sending it several feet in front of them, "but she's allowed to have help every now and then. That doesn't make her weak."

Taurus nodded in agreement as Loke calmed his inner frustration, "Guess we'll just have to show her."

* * *

He was fuming with hot footprints trailing behind him. No, he couldn't pinpoint his anger to one level, because he was far too pissed off to anchor it down by one definition. His right fist clenched the air repeatedly as he snarled at nothing in particular, but his left hand was relaxed with Lucy's novel secured in it's hold. The citizens passing him by with various faces of recognition kept their distance from the furious dragon slayer.

Natsu barely reacted to the children running from his stomping form, instead taking the space they'd given him to move faster. The closer he got to Fairy Tail, the more lethal his mind became. His fear and confusion were warping his emotions into a fiery vortex of outrage. For months, people would swear they could hear his footsteps echoing in their memories.

The guild hall was quiet when he arrived with not a single soul daring to speak a word. Every Fairy Tail wizard was patiently waiting for his return and silently pleading either for his good news or for his mercy. As his foot passed the threshold, everyone held their breath until his seething form was directly in front of Master Makarov. The only sound in the room came from the heavy puffs Natsu tried to keep under control, yet as he spoke the bite to his tone couldn't be quelled, "I want answers."

Master Makarov, who was settled on the bar counter with his hands placed neatly on his lap, remained silent for a moment to consider Natsu's emotional state. The anguish developing in Natsu's mind jumped to new heights as the guild seemed to shrink in on itself. In the corner of his eye, he could see part of his team. His gaze flashed towards Gray and Erza with a desperate look in his eyes, "What happened during the mission, dammit!"

Natsu slammed his hand on the wooden stool in front of Makarov, causing Mirajane to flinch behind the counter. Though regardless of his outburst, Makarov did not scold the wizard. Rather than call out his abysmal behavior, he dismissed it with pity drowning in his expression.

"Natsu," Makarov began as he recalled the past week in his mind, "We should discuss this in private."

"In private, huh?" Natsu sneered before gesturing to the silent crowd around them, "Seems like everyone already knows besides me. I don't think this needs to be private."

The onlookers shied away from the dragon slayers glare as Makarov sighed, "Very well, my boy."

The Master stood from his spot, seeming much like a regal king about to make an important speech to his lovely followers. But reality was far crueler as his intent was not to bring harmony, but to deliver the blow that may very well destroy the foundation of Team Natsu. He had already regretted his words before he spoke them, but his need to tell the truth outweighed his desire to lie to his children, especially Natsu.

He prayed the following moments wouldn't be as brutal as he'd been imagining they may be, that Natsu might not declare Gray his unwavering enemy or that Gray's apology may be enough to save him from Natsu's wrath. But one look at the dragon slayers face told him a story he had yet to experience. Natsu already knew more than he was letting on, quite possibly something none of them knew. He can only assume Natsu has spoken to Lucy and heard snippets of what took place one week ago. At the very least he can set his mind at ease that someone in the guild was finally able to connect with her.

"A week ago, your team failed your mission in the town of Carbume," Makarov began, "You were gravely injured and left unconscious by the enemies. Your team, at first, believed you to be dead," The older man swept his gaze towards Gray and Erza who seemed their own form of terrified, "There was an argument that crossed a boundary and though the party responsible has expressed their regret, Lucy hasn't allowed anyone to visit her home so nothing has been resolved as of yet."

There was a moment of blissful ignorance as Natsu processed the words the master gave him. The wheels in his head turned to each detail he analyzed, until everything clicked in place. It suddenly made sense why Lucy had such horrid ideas swimming in her mind, why she was so keen on defending Gray and his actions. He finally realized someone he considered family turned on her when they thought he had fallen. His head snapped towards his team with murderous glint in his eyes. The notebook he held in his hand was gently placed on the wooden stool he previously attacked, as he stalked towards Gray and Erza. Wendy trembled behind them with Happy and Carla holding each of her hands, leaving Gray and Erza alone.

Each footstep left a harsh click from the sound of his shoes until he stood in front of his friends. He could tell instantly who was at fault for Lucy's disappearance, whether he had the small amount of information Makarov and Lucy's note provided or not, it was written as clear as day on Gray's face.

"What did you say to her?" His voice was downright demonic, leaving Gray nearly speechless

_He's justified in his anger, he just wants what's best for you._

Lucy's words rang in his head, only making his anger spark. Whatever this asshole said to her shouldn't be defended. His words cut deep into her soul, that much he knew, but what Gray said was still a mystery. And before Natsu decided to kick his ass, he needed to know what he was going to have to fix first.

Gray fumbled with his words, which was the last sign of admittance he needed. He was growing impatient with his insufferable mumbles. The longer it took the ice wizards to speak, the more Natsu's blood continued to boil until his patience snapped, "Did you call her weak?! That she wasn't worthy of being in Fairy Tail?!"

Natsu yanked Gray by his collar, reminding the ice wizard much of the night he did the very same to Lucy, "Do you have any idea what you did?!"

Gray cringed as Natsu literally spit his words into his face, though he refused to defend himself. He would let Natsu exact his revenge, let him take out his anger on him. He'd let him call him every name in the book or become Lucy's personal maid if she wanted. He'd do anything if only he could earn their forgiveness. So rather than provide excuses, he uttered out a sincere apology in the hope it may reach Natsu's currently clouded mind, "I'm sorry, Natsu."

He never expected his apology to help in the slightest, so the punch to the face wasn't entirely unpredictable to him. The gasps around him seemed to be surprised by Gray's lack of response to his attack, especially as the blows began to increase. Each fist hit him in the face, his chest, his arms, anywhere Natsu could reach, until he was down on the ground with his attacker towering over him. Yet he didn't block his hits, in fact he was happy to get some kind of repercussions for his actions. This was only the first step he would need to take to regain his friends trust and forgiveness, and he was eager to take them if it meant he could amend his bad deeds.

The fists disappeared as a thriving Natsu was hauled off of Gray's battered body. As he was dragged across the guild hall by Titania herself, his nails clawed against her sturdy armor. It took the ice mage a moment to decipher the words spewing out of the dragon slayers mouth, "IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S GONE!"

"Gone?' Gray muttered to himself as Erza continued to hull Natsu from the corner of the guild. Her hold on the boy was unwavering as she attempted to cool Natsu's heated temper, "Natsu this isn't the time! We can't turn on each other!"

Natsu flailed in her hold with a hysterical growl, "He hurt her! He made her leave and I'm gonna make him pay!"

Erza paused her movement in surprise, causing Natsu to escape from her hold. He charged towards Gray intending to deliver a few more beatings, but he was stopped yet again by Gajeel's iron arm trapped him around the waist. Natsu groaned as he struggled in his hold, shouting various curses towards the iron dragon slayer.

"Calm down you overgrown lizard!" Gajeel scoffed, "No one can understand you when you act like a rabid animal!"

Natsu struggled for few more moments before eventually giving up with heavy pants, but the anger directed at Gray, who was being helped up by Wendy, was unwavering. There was hatred flowing in his veins. His instincts were screaming at him to avenge the horrific actions that drove Lucy to leave him, all of which Gajeel understood on a different level than the rest. Gajeel could tell a mates bond when he saw one.

As Natsu began to relax in his hold, Gajeel murmured under his breath, "I get how you feel, but you're not doing anything to help bunny girl if you don't tell us what you're talking about."

Natsu hung his head, finally tearing his gaze from Gray's bruised body. His fury was still very much present, but Gajeels words were enough of a deterrent keeping him from pounding Gray's face in. The iron dragon slayer finally released Natsu from his hold, allowing him to adjust his scarf that had unraveled. He refused to meet Gray's eye, instead taking a moment to scan the rest of the guild. Levy was giving him a sympathetic look, along with many of the other members. Others refused to raise their gaze from the floors below, which he was reluctant to say actually made him uncomfortable.

"Natsu," Lisanna spoke up from Elfman's side as she stepped closer to the front of the crowd, "What were you talking about?"

"Yes," Freed added, "What do you mean Lucy's gone?"

"I mean," Natsu retorted with a glare straight towards Gray, "She left Magnolia a week ago because she thinks she doesn't deserve to be here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back again! There will be more Natsu being angry next chapter, I just had to cut it off here because this chapter ended up being just as long as the last one haha. I'm not sure how much I like this chapter honestly, so I hope it satisfies your Fairy Tail needs! I have some ideas about what I want to happen later in the story but I'm trying to decide how long I want this to be lol. If you guys are cool with a rather longer story I have some really cool things I wanna do but I also don't want to make it seem like it's dragging on too much lol. Either way, I hope you guys enjoy! And thank you all so much for your kind reviews, they make my day and give me a huge smile when I read them. I appreciate you all so so much!
> 
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	4. Forgiveness or Misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray hopes for forgiveness, but mercy isn't cheap.

It took Lucy nearly a week and two days to successfully hike the trail from Magnolia to Carbume, something her and her former team were able to accomplish within one full night. It was her own paranoia that prevented her from traveling by train so she had no one to blame but herself, especially when her walking speed drastically slowed. Her spirits had been forcing her to rest nearly every hour as well, causing their eta to expand.

Although she was slightly annoyed with their smothering, she couldn't blame any of her spirits for being worried about her. Her skin was practically sizzling under the sun's heat and her cloak wasn't doing much to save her with the fabric brushing against her stinging body. Each step was agonizing, and eventually she relented her stubornous and allowed her spirits to help her along without putting up a fight. Loke and her had been bickering about her health since the second day, something she wasn't too proud of.

She was aware since the moment she left her apartment that he would be hounding on her to see a doctor. Although she made him a promise, that promise was over a week old by now and he was getting antsy by her lack of improvements. Her skin condition was only worsening, and her magic energy, which normally regenerates within a days time, remained depleted for the most part. During rest times, Aries had summoned herself to teach Lucy some meditation skills in hopes it would help her chanel herself into the atmosphere and absorb some magic energy manually.

They'd been meditating every few hours, and while it wasn't helping her magic predicament, it was calming her irritation she had been taking out on Loke. She found herself calming easier even with the immense pain she felt each day. She began looking forward to Aries visits and could foresee herself taking up the hobby on her own in the future. She had even dragged Loke in to join them, considering he refused to leave her side during the majority of the trip.

Arriving in Carbum was a breath of fresh air for Lucy. She had finally made it to her destination, late or not, she was there. The residents eyed her warily which she could understand considering she was covered head to toe in clothing, but that didn't stop her from approaching the townsmen with Loke by her side to search for a medic.

Most of the shop owners kicked her out without a second thought when they found out she wasn't interested in making a purchase, something that deeply angered Loke. If it weren't for Lucy's plead for him to remain calm and collected, he would have wrecked each shop that disrespected her. She may be out of Magnolia, but she couldn't risk anyone recognizing Loke or having him make the paper. If Fairy Tail happened to see him in the news, they'd know immediately.

Lucy, accompanied by Loke as usual, sulked down the busy streets of Carbume. She had thought finding someone to take care of her issue would be easier than this. She knew the universe had a vendetta against her but she had hoped that maybe mother nature thought she'd suffered enough. She let out a sigh, prompting Loke to pause his search for any helpful information. The Lion spirit gazed upon Lucy in pity, "I'm sorry Lucy, we'll find someone soon."

She found responding to be far too tiring, so she remained silent, instead choosing to look around as well. It was no use asking people herself if all they did was turn their heads. She knew she looked like a delinquent but she'd rather not expose her body to the harsh sunlight.

The answer to her question hit her like a brick, and she felt idiotic for never thinking of it first. It was pretty hypocritical for her to attack Natsu's education level when she can be just as dense herself. If anyone in Fairy Tail was stupid, it was her.

She felt a pang in her chest at the thought of her pink haired friend, but quickly buried her hurt deep in her mind. Instead, she brought her attention back to Loke, "I have an idea."

Both stopped in their tracks as Loke turned to face Lucy, nodding for her to continue, "Everyone here is refusing to talk to me because I look suspicious," She took a deep breath as she surveyed the store stalls surrounding them, "But you don't. You just need to ask for directions without me there."

Loke nodded in understanding, "Where are you going to go?"

Lucy raised a hand to point towards the town square, "We'll separate there. I'll go left and hide in an alley way. You go right and meet me later."

Loke eyed the large space in the middle of the road with unease, "I don't feel comfortable leaving you in an alley space alone."

Lucy groaned as she dropped her hand to her side, "Fine, I'll summon Capricorn or something."

Loke raised an eyebrow at her with curiosity, "You hardly have any magic energy still, how are you going to summon a spirit like him?"

Lucy bit her lip as her gaze went downcast. She still wasn't used to being so short of magic energy. Ever since her first lesson on Celestial Keys, she'd been blessed with an abundance of magic power tingling beneath her fingertips. She became accustomed to having her friends sitting on a notch of her belt. They were always so close to her and convenient to help her in times of need.

She was supposed to be their master, someone who protected their keys and treated them fairly. She was supposed to provide them with a decent life and keep them out of the wrong hands. But in her current state, she couldn't help but feel pathetic for letting them down. They were picking up her slack when she should be getting her act together.

"Miss Lucy, may I inquire why you are projecting such a detrimental feeling?"

Lucy startled back to life, exiting her endless spiral of self hatred and pitiful thoughts to face Capricorn. She blinked at him in confusion as she tried to work out in her mind how he appeared without causing a commotion from the people around them. As she flickered between his and Loke's concerned eye, Capricorn decided to answer her inner questions with a regal bow that attracted a few wandering eyes, "In case you are wondering, I summoned myself shortly after the first store you visited could not provide directions to the closest medic. I took it upon myself to interrogate the townspeople and have found the location of the well known Miss Aphrosilia."

Lucy and Loke blinked in each others direction before the girl snapped back to whisper with strained panic as she waved her hands in front of her spirit, "_Not here Capricorn! People are staring_!"

As if a goat man wasn't already strange enough, two men in suits escorting a suspicious looking figure while simultaneously bowing during speech was enough of a reason to make the magic council aware of their activity. She wouldn't be surprised if people thought she was apart of the magic mafia or some evil kingdom from another country and ended up reporting her. It would be easier if she could show her guild mark and make herself known as a Celestial wizard, but that thought left her head as quickly as it came.

Capricorn stood with a quiet apology, attempting to be discreet in his actions before turning to lead the two towards the outskirts of town. Lucy wasn't surprised to hear Miss Aphrosilia lived along the forested land surrounding the town. It seemed pretty normal to her considering the only medic she usually sees besides Wendy is Porlyusica, but that didn't mean she was eager to jump back into the large expanse of trees after her last encounter with a dark guild.

She allowed both Capricorn and Loke to shield her with the lion spirit behind her and Capricorn leading the way. Her nerves were on edge as they approached the ground darkened by the shadows of the tree tops. Memories flashed through her mind as she suddenly wondered if her whip was lying untangled in the dirt a few miles away, or if Natsu's blood was stained in the green grass. Was Gray's ice still solid, or had it melted to mix with the broken wreckage they'd left behind? She wasn't sure if she wanted to know, but part of her knew she needed to see to own up to her failure. She can't hide from it forever or else she would only be putting herself to shame more so than she already had.

They arrived at their destination faster than anticipated. Capricorn bid his farewell as he disappeared to the spirit world again, leaving only her and Loke. She cowered under the awning connected to the small cottage. The place looked rather cozy, but looks could be deceiving. She couldn't be sure if this woman would be similar to Porlyusica.

Lucy took a deep breath before finally raising her fist to gently knock on the wooden door. The only sound for a moment was the rustling leaves above and the shuffling of Loke's feet from behind her. As the seconds passed by she began to feel her nervous jitter about being on this woman's doorstep. She hadn't thought about what she would say or how she would portray herself. She didn't even have an alias or a cover story.

Before she had a chance to turn back, there was a soft click of a lock before the door was pulled open to reveal a tall, slim woman with long dark hair tied back in a high ponytail. She smiled fondly at Lucy which helped the anxiety building in her chest begin to dissipate, though her body was screaming at her to turn tail and leave.

"Hi there, is there something I can help you with?" The woman spoke with a kind voice that made Lucy subconsciously tense her shoulders.

She still didn't deserve such kindness.

"Are you Miss Aphrosilia? A medic for Carbume?" Loke spoke up from behind as he put a hand on her shoulder to ground her.

The woman nodded in return with a chuckle, "Yes I am. Just Aphrosilia is perfectly fine with me."

Loke sheepishly apologized before the attention was brought back on Lucy. She found it hard to look the woman head on, and instead found herself staring at her feet. Her heart was racing as she rattled her head for being so stupid as to not come prepared. All of her hard work was going to be wasted if this lady found her out. Aphrosilia kneeled down to get a better look at Lucy's face only for her to tug her hood down just a bit more.

"I'm guessing she's the one who needs treatment?" The woman asked Loke who gave an agreement to her statement.

Aphrosilia plastered on a smile as she sat herself on the ground in front of Lucy, something that took both Loke and Lucy by surprise. She tilted her head and leaned back on her hands to seem a bit less threatening as she tried to loosen Lucy's tense figure, "What's your name, young lady?"

"Anna," She muttered in panic. It was the first name she could think of in her whirlwind of thoughts.

"What a lovely name, Anna," Aphrosilia turned towards Loke, "Are you her brother? Or perhaps a friend?"

Loke paled at her question as he thought back to all of his failed attempts at flirting with his master. Even if it was just a harmless question, the idea that he could be mistaken for her brother was enough to send his mind to gutter. He wasn't sure he could enjoy using a pick up line on her for quite awhile now, "Uh just a friend. The name's Loke."

Lucy narrowed her eyes under her hood, did he not notice she used a different name?

_How dense can he be?!_

Aphrosilia grinned at the two before standing once more and gesturing inside, "Please come in. It's rather cold outside."

Lucy and Loke bowed in appreciation before entering the building. The inside wasn't super exciting, just an open seating area with two doors leading to different hallways. It gave a cabin getaway vibe with various wooden carvings and cushioned armchairs with swirling wood designs on the legs. In the corner was a decently sized bear sculpture which only solidified the outdoorsy feel the place gave.

The woman led them down the hallway through the left door which consisted of around 4 different rooms which all seemed to be used for medical purposes. They wound up in the room at the end of the hall. Aphrosilia instructed Lucy to sit on the bed before closing the door behind her. Once Loke was settled in the chair in the corner of the room and Lucy was sat on the light pink bedding, Aphrosilia sat herself on the edge of the sheet with crossed legs and gathered hands, "So Anna, what seems to be the problem?"

Lucy could feel the sweat gathering in her hair as she tried to think of what to say. She figured saying nothing would be just as bad as spilling the truth, but would she be able to tell the story without revealing the whole mission? Would this person realize that she was one of the wizards contracted to take down the dark guild in her town and failed?

Overall, it didn't really matter if she tried to hide it, because if she didn't tell her at least the partial truth, she wasn't going to get better. She needed to be honest with this at the very least, or she could wind up dead in a few days. With shaky hands, she reached for the button holding her cloak up and detached it, allowing it to fall from her shoulders and reveal her swollen skin.

She knew she must look like a tomato, and not in the metaphorical sense. Her skin was bright red and bulging out, she was lucky she didn't have Freed's hair color or she might have tried to hide herself forever. Aphrosila let out a gasp as she let the woman take in her injury, while Loke grimaced at the painful sight. Aphrosilia took a few moments to reel in her surprise before speaking, "This has to be caused by magic, did you take any potions recently? Or maybe you had a bad encounter with a wizard?"

Her words confirmed what Loke was mulling over for the past week. The issue had to be caused by that dark wizards attack. As he and Lucy made eye contact, he could see the recognition there as well. He nodded in encouragement, hoping she would choose to reveal all of the details herself.

"I got attacked," Lucy began with a timid voice, "by this wizard about a week ago. He used a type of magic I've never seen before." Lucy swallowed as her memories began to swirl in her head, "This black light wrapped around my body and paralyzed me. I don't know what it did, but it definitely hurt."

Aphrosilia nodded in understanding as she stood from her seat, "Would you be alright with me touching your arm, Anna?"

Lucy hesitated with a look towards Loke before agreeing. The woman reached into a drawer beside the window to grab a pair of white rubber gloves which she pulled over her hand before sitting back down. She gently pulled back Lucy's sleeve to reveal more irritated skins and ran her index and middle finger across her right wrist. Lucy hissed in pain causing Loke to stand on instinct, but Aphrosilia pulled back immediately with apologies already falling from her lips, "Oh my, I'm so sorry dear. That must have been painful. I can't believe you've been suffering with this for a whole week."

Lucy blinked back her tears and she took a few deep breaths to ease her beating heart. Her head was spinning and her wrist felt like it was splitting open, yet as she looked down everything was intact. Her hand, although still red and throbbing, was still in one piece. She closed her eyes as she let the pain settle in the back of her mind as she'd done for the past week. Focusing on the pain made it unbearable, but if she pushed it to the side she could ignore it for the time being.

"I see your magic levels have been compromised," Aphrosilia, who was examining every inch of Lucy's body, avoided physical contact in order to prevent any more pain, "This seems almost reminiscent of something the dark guild around here is capable of. It may be possible you got unlucky and ran into one of them."

"Do you get a lot of people with this issue?" Loke questioned.

"I wouldn't say a lot," Aphrosila pulled back Lucy's personal space to give her a small smile, "The mage responsible is wicked in nature and seems to have evaded capture at every cost. I'm sorry you had to meet him."

Lucy gave Loke a nervous glance who tried his best to keep calm. Her eyes shone with unshed tears and her open palms were twitching in unease. He knew the guilt over Natsu was eating up Lucy's conscious, it had plagued her nightmares and every decision she made over the course of this trip. She didn't need the guilt of the failed job to weigh on her as well.

Aphrosilia, either blatantly ignoring the tension in the room or not noticing it entirely, stood once more and began rummaging through her cupboards with a few mumbled words here and there. She ended up getting nearly half of her body inside the seemingly endless storage before she crawled back out with something clutched in her hand.

"Ha! Found ya!" She exclaimed as she returned to Lucy's side, "This should do the trick."

In her hand was a clear bottle, similar to one Mira would use to store the guild's alcohol. But rather than being filled to the brim with beer, it was only halfway filled with a light pink lotion. She brought the bottle closer to Lucy to allow her to inspect the contents as she explained, "This is a magic infused lotion created specifically to cure magic draining attacks. It will clear up the irritated skin and allow your body to regenerate magic energy again."

"That's what he did?" Lucy's hushed voice nearly came out in a whisper, "He drained my magic?"

"Yes, my dear," Her voice was soft and laced with a layer of sympathy. Aphrosilia's heart went out of this girl in front of her. Not just for her physical pain and suffering, but for the mental torment she was going through internally, "This mage is known as Jonathon Barsoni. He's a member of the dark guild Valcona. He's rumored to be the strongest in the guild due to the forbidden magic he possesses."

"He can drain magic from anyone he wants?" Loke, having grown tired of sitting, rose to lean against Lucy's bed frame.

Aphrosilia shook her head, "He doesn't just drain magic from the user, he absorbs it directly from the source and recirculates it back to himself with his black light. It wraps around his target and paralyzes them until they either fall deceased or the fight becomes intercepted," with her gloved hands, Aphrosilia gathered some of the lotion on her palms. She began to lather the liquid over Lucy's right arm before continuing her story, "The ones who survive are overcome with a terrible rash that blocks their body from regenerating their magic energy. It essentially renders them helpless."

As Aphrosilia rubbed the lotion into her skin, Lucy felt instant relief. The burning was receding along with the redness. Within minutes her whole arm was exactly as it was a week ago, before she took that god awful job. She was in awe as she raised her hand and wiggled her fingers without a wince or tingle of pain, letting out a startled laugh as her face lit up in excitement. She was beginning to think this rash may very well lead to her death sooner than later, and she couldn't be more grateful to have the cure within her reach.

The spirit beside her gave his own gasp of amazement as his eyes scanned the healed limb, "That's incredible! Her arm is back to normal!"

The woman let her smile grow as the two beamed at the appendage. This was her favorite part, watching hope and happiness rekindle in her patients. She allowed them a few moments of bliss before returning to her task at hand, "This lotion will do the same as it did to your arm to the rest of your body. You'll be fixed in no time."

"Thank you, Aphrosilia," Lucy gaped at her fist in delight as she experimented with the painless motions of day to day life, "I appreciate this so much!"

Aphrosilia grinned at the girl before dropping her gaze to the bandaged hand resting on Lucy's lap. She reached out to gently grasp her palm, yet as soon as she made contact the limb was ripped from her in a certainly painful manner. Lucy grimaced at the sudden movement, yet continued to cradle her arm near her chest. The doctor's eyes flicked towards Loke's who had his own trained on Lucy.

She could see fear lingering in Lucy's expression which only heightened her own concern, "Anna, if you have another injury I'd be more than willing to take care of it. Otherwise, I need to rub this mixture on your other arm before I allow you into a private room to administer the lotion to the rest of your body."

She seemed to be wagering a silent battle in her mind. Her pupils danced across the room in a desperate attempt to find something to say, some type of excuse or reasoning to keep her hand covered, "Can't I just…" She choked out in her panic ridden state, "Do it myself?"

The doctor eyed her curiously, there was something this girl was hiding, and while allowing her to her privacy may have been a considerate option, something was screaming at her to investigate. There was an itch to uncover what was underneath the stark white bandages, but force was never her forte. Aphrosilia was a kind soul, one who appreciated life and all of its wonders. She would never force something upon an unwilling party, but she had an urge to help this pour girl.

With Lucy trembling before her, Aphrosilia kneeled down just like she had outside to appear less intimidating, dawning an appropriately kind smile as she met Lucy's brown eyes with her own blue ones, "Anna, honey, I'm not sure what it is you're so afraid of showing me, but I know that bathing in your fear is the worst way to move on and grow from it," The woman laid a hand on Lucy's clothed knee, "If it helps you feel more comfortable, I'm sworn to patient secrecy. Whatever lies on this hand will stay between whoever is in this room as long as you wish. I swear to you, Anna. I can keep your secret safe."

A single tear trailed down Lucy's swollen cheek and she tried her hardest to suppress any more. Loke hand descended upon her shoulder earning him a jump from the brunette below him. A look to him gave her a nod of encouragement, yet she was still hesitant. She hardly knew this woman for longer than 10 minutes. She may be a very nice lady, but kindness can be a ruse to lower her defences. For all she knew, Fairy Tail could be hated among this town for failing their mission and once she showed her guild mark she could be shoved to the streets to suffer for that failure.

But what other choice did she have? She was already suspicious enough with her cloak and dark clothes, along with her timid nature and severe injury. Refusing to show her hand is only the sprinkles on the cake she'd so carefully crafted with lies.

Would showing her guild mark be the end of the world? No.

Is she terrified of someone reporting her to the guild? Hell yes.

Was it worth possibly not fixing the rest of her infesting rash for the sake of secrecy and fear? Probably not.

Although reluctantly, she gave an incline of her chin in acceptance to allow Aphrosilia to unravel the bandages. If Loke seemed fine with the idea, then Lucy had nothing to worry about, right?

"Do you swear you won't tell anyone?" Lucy's last stretch of paranoia escaped her hold.

The dark haired woman smile gratefully, raising her hand straight in front of her, "I promise I won't tell a soul."

Lucy let out one more deep breath before extending her arm into Aphrosilia's reach. The doctor's slim fingers untangled the white bandages, much slower than Lucy would have liked considering the butterflies that were now fluttering in her chest in anxiety.

As the bandages fell to the floor without a sign of blood, the idea of a hidden injury wasn't one of the possibilities. Aphrosilia had been expected a scar or a bloody gash, maybe a magical wound that refused to heal or even a demon marking that was cursing her until the day she died.

A Fairy Tail emblem was not even in the top 50 conclusions she'd drawn up her head.

Her hand hadn't even a scratch, aside from the sore skin. Her pink insignia was placed in a position that told the woman this girl was proud of her guild. Yet she chose to cover the beautiful pink mark with a bandage, terrified of showing it to the world.

"Fairy Tail," Aphrosilia whispered as she delicately held Lucy's hand in her own palm, "Why would you want to hide such a beautiful guild mark, Anna?"

If it was possible for Lucy's face to flush over her red skin, she would be. She refused to meet the woman's eye, her own embarrassment taking over. Can she even tell her? How would she describe the horror that had transcended last week due to her faults?

"Anna," The doctor shook her head as she broke Lucy from her thoughts, "That's not really your name is it?"

That got Lucy to freeze, had her guild mark really given that much away? Her body was rigid and she could have sworn her heart stopped when Aphrosilia's gaze sliced through her, forcing her to still in place.

"I've seen this particular mark on only one other mage. She's in Sorcerers Weekly as one of the up and coming wizards of our generation. A spectacular Celestial Spirit Wizard bearing ten of the twelve Zodiac Keys, a feat all on its own," Aphrosilia couldn't contain her excitement as her eyes twinkled bright with glee, "You're Lucy Heartfilia, aren't you?"

Lucy barely had time to react before the rather calm and collected woman from moments ago was squealing in delight. She ripped herself from the ground as she frantically scoured her the room for a pen, "Oh dear me, please say I have a pen. I have to get your autograph before you leave. You and Titania are amazing! Oh," Aphrosilia shot up for a second with her pointer finger extended to the roof tops," I can't forget about Natsu and Gray! Oh and Elfman and Mirajane! She's so badass now that she uses her demon soul again!"

"Elfman?" Loke questioned curiously.

"Amazing?" Lucy furrowed her brows in revulsion, trying to hide her sorrow as Natsu was mentioned. She was far from amazing if you asked her.

Though Aphrosilia didn't seem to think so as she flung herself in front of Lucy once more with a sound of affirmation, "Oh yeah, you're totally super cool! You and Team Natsu take down the biggest dark guilds! And you're the strongest Celestial Spirit Wizard in the world!"

That thought jolted Lucy's mind into a flurry of doubts. She was aware she'd become acquainted with the most powerful keys a wizard of her kind can own, though she hardly considered herself the strongest. She never gave the thought much credit in the past. She'd encountered other Celestial Spirit Wizards that gave her a run for her money. Even if she won in the end, it was closer to an even match with how wiped out she ended up being afterwards.

Hence the training she was doing.

"Oh!" Aphrosilia clambered to a stand, "Can you summon a spirit?! I've always wanted to see it in person!"

As her request hung in the empty air, the upbeat admiration seemed to dull as Aphrosilia let reality set in. Her shoulders sunk, "Oh right, I forgot about your magic power. I'm sorry for asking."

"Well," Loke chimed in with a sparkling smile which only prompted Lucy to roll her eyes, "Lucy may not be able to summon one of us right now but you have the King of the Zodiac in your presence already!"

If Aphrosilia was glowing before, she was radiating now. Her mouth was agape as she screamed in joy. She seemed to be having difficulty choosing whether to express her intense enthusiasm towards Lucy or Loke, instead teetering her attention between the two. Lucy only groaned in annoyance.

"You're Leo the Lion! I need your autograph too!"

"Sure thing, pretty lady," Loke promised with a wink, "Right after you heal my master, kay?"

Aphrosilia startled back in surprise, "Oh yes! I got a little carried away. Sorry about that."

Lucy mustered up a small smile as the doctor resumed coating her other arm in the lotion, though it quickly fell as her own mind became clouded. How could someone think so highly of her when she was disgusted with herself? Not only had she nearly killed her friend, but she was causing this town more heartache by letting Jonathon Barsoni roam free. The same man who terrorized the innocent citizens, getting most of them killed for his own selfish greed.

If Aphrosilia knew, would she still praise Lucy as she did before?

As if she could sense the grief, Aphrosilia slowed her massaging fingers, brushing past the pink guild mark with fondness, and spoke in a tone she hoped conveyed concern and not pity, "Lucy, I understand if you would rather keep this to yourself, but I can't help but wonder why you've covered your guild mark?"

She debated for a moment, whether she should tell Aphrosilia the crime she'd committed against her own friends. A small part of her was droning on that it was a bad idea. _The guild will find out, and they'll come looking for you._

_You can't see them yet. You're not ready._

But a larger part was screeching to tell her. Not to ease her mind with appeasing comments or soothing words, but to prove to her that she isn't special. She isn't amazing in any way. She was a sad excuse for a wizard, unworthy of the symbol stamped to her skin. She wanted to convey her revulsion in a way that showed this person how hideous her actions were.

In the end, the larger part won out as she found herself succumbing to the questions, and explained the horrific night a week ago that led to the mess in front of her today.

* * *

"Lucy left Magnolia?"

The whispers were traveling through the guild as Natsu's words pierced the hearts of every Fairy Tail wizard. Though no one spoke to the dragon slayer directly, their discussions reached his ears. He heard the despair to his left coming from Levy's sobs, just like he heard the hitch of breath coming from Gray. Yet he couldn't bring himself to comprehend whatever reaction the ice mage was having to his news.

For all he cared, Gray could suffer any harm that comes to him for hurting Lucy.

Natsu kept his head level as he willed the fire brewing within him to simmer. His emotions could wait until he caught the guild up to speed. Even if he so desperately wanted to unleash his anger on the person responsible, he needed to be efficient if he wanted this done right. This wasn't like with the bickering he and Gray normally ended up in, this was far more serious.

When Natsu's feet padded against the floor towards the stool he stored Lucy's book on, discussion among the guild seised. Once the book was back in his possession, his careful fingers flipped through the pages. "I've been asleep for a week. I have no idea why and I don't remember much from before it happened."

He gripped the book to stop the flow of pages when he reached the three letters stashed against the binding, "But shortly after we came back, Lucy wrote three letters and took off. One was written for me, which is how I know what I know," His eyed hardened as he tried his best to force his gaze from landing on Gray once again, "One was written for Fairy Tail, which I brought with me."

Keeping his head forwards, Natsu delivered the two unopened letters to the Master in front of him. Makarov took both of them with a nod of appreciation, slightly gripping Natsu's hand with his own, smoothing over the tensed fingers in the process.

"The last was written for Gramps," Natsu's words barely past his lips as he tried to reel in his frustration.

"What does the letter say?" Erza, voice soft for a change, asked with a sniffling Wendy draped over her shoulder.

Natsu stepped away from Makarov with crossed arms, giving him the floor to deliver the news. The sound of the envelope seal nearly made Natsu flinch, though he kept himself in check as the letter was pulled from it's home. Everyone was leaning forward in anticipation as Makarovs strong voice was reduced to one of worries. Lucy's words were replaced with his own as he relayed what she had written for them.

* * *

_ **Dear Fairy Tail,** _

_I've always admired this guild since I was a little girl. I read every Sorcerer's Weekly magazine I got my hands on. I had Mirajane's Posters hidden under my bed and the stories of Titania memorized. All of the maids in my childhood got so tired of hearing about the new thing Fairy Tail was up too, they tried hiding the new magazines from me. It was my dream to join one day, and that dream eventually came true._

_You put your faith in me to represent Fairy Tail in strength and character, but I failed to do even that. I put Natsu in danger and I can't forgive myself for it. I'm sorry I put shame to Fairy Tail's name. I don't belong in the guild as I am now. I can't compare to the members that walk through that door, and I don't deserve to call myself a Fairy Tail wizard._

_I appreciate everything you guys taught me, for all of the laughs and friendships I made, and I hope those of you I created a bond with can forgive me for leaving so suddenly. I never wanted to cause any trouble, yet that's all I seem capable of. I need to be stronger than I am right now so I don't tarnish the Fairy Tail name any further._

_I wish to return eventually, if I would be accepted, though I don't know when that will be. Until then, I promise to become a wizard you can be proud of. Thank you for all that you've given me, and I'm sorry I let you down._

_ **Sincerely,** _

_ **Lucy Heartfilia** _

* * *

Natsu remained stoic through the letter reading, unlike his guild mates scattered around him. Many were cursing themselves, a few were crying, and one in particular was furious. Levy, as small as she was, was putting up a great fight in Gajeels arms. She struggled against his hold with tears streaming down her face. He and Pantherlily tried to console her as sharp accusations were flying past her lips in heavy sobs

"I should have gone to her house!" Her shouts, though hushed by her hysterics, were still heard from across the guild, "If I was there she might still be here!"

"She's right," Jet agreed solemnly, Droy nodding behind him, "We should have tried harder."

Many of the members let sorrow drown them, stammering regrets and excuses. Elfman was cradling a tearful Lisanna as he declared his lack of manliness. Reedus looked mournfully at the group painting he'd been working on for the past month, reminiscing in what was once a happy moment. Team Shadow Gear surrounded Levy with assurances spilling from their lungs.

The Thunder Legion were torn, with Freed, Bixlow, and Evergreen leaving a trail of tears and Laxus seeming unmoved. Though the downwards crick in his mouth told a different story. Alzack and Biska were holding back their own sadness if only to cheer up their daughter who wailed in confusion. Cana, Wakaba, and Makao dropped their endless drinks as they let the news sink in with wide eyes.

Erza wasn't as emotional as the rest, though she held a heavy heart as she consoled Wendy once more. Carla hovered over her with a paw gliding over her blue hair as Romeo hung behind the smaller dragon slayer. Gray remained where he fell on the floor with Juvia holding him against her chest.

The situation was difficult for the water mage, for Lucy was her self-declared love rival and Gray was her charming prince. She never imagined Gray as a villain to his comrades, and always believed in him when others turned their backs. Juvia's mind was battling between her love for Gray and her sadness for Lucy, something she didn't feel often. Whether she was a love rival or not, Lucy was still a human being and a member of Fairy Tail. She couldn't excuse what her beloved Gray did, but she also couldn't hate him. People made mistakes, just like Laxus. Just Like Gajeel. Just like herself.

She hoped their friends could forgive Gray like she had, like they had for her.

Natsu couldn't bring himself to feel remorse for bringing this guilt upon them. This was something that could have been avoided, had the people who were able to been there to comfort Lucy while he couldn't. Though the details were hazy, he knew it didn't have to end this way. Fairy Tail was a family, but for some reason they all seemed to abandon Lucy in her time of need.

"I fear this may be my fault," Master Makarov admitted as he folded up the letter he finished reading, "I should have let you visit Lucy sooner. It turns out time alone was the last thing she needed."

"You cannot take all of the blame, Master," Erza argued as she turned to give Natsu a meaningful look, "We are all guilty for what has happened. I take responsibility for my portion Natsu, and I will take whatever punishment you deem worthy for my crime as a friend and guildmate."

Though the anger in Natsu's mind was still raging to be freed, Erza's determination struck through his image of destruction and flaming fury. It left a numbing calm, one he wasn't used to but also wasn't entirely unwelcome. It was enough for him to stand before his team, the same team he trusted his life with, without wanting to rip someone's head off.

It was a hard truth to swallow, knowing the same people you grew up with and fought beside could be the same people to hurt you so deeply.

"Something happened last week," Natsu growled in a low voice as his glare reached Gray once more, "And I want to know. Don't spare any details."

Erza began to recount every inch of the story to Natsu without hesitation. She gave him every detail, every success and every failure, every mistake and every fear, all the way up to the mess of a congregation at the guildhall where Lucy was ridiculed by Gray. But her version of the story, even if it was informative, was missing the beginning.

Gray didn't need much encouragement to spill his half of the story, not bothering to hide any of the remarks he made towards Lucy. There was no point in hiding his actions, and he had no desire to defend himself. He was expecting Natsu to start screaming and fighting again, but it almost hurt worse when he was just disregarded with stone cold eyes.

"So you're telling me," Natsu began as he pieced the events together, "that you blamed her for my death, that wasn't even a death? You said those horrible things to her over a misunderstanding?!"

Gray subconsciously leaned closer to Juvia as Natsu unleashed himself, "Let me get one thing straight, Gray. Whether I die or not shouldn't determine how to treat your family! It wasn't her fault, damn it!" Natsu gripped his scarf as his voice slipped into a desperate tone, "I'm the one who went in to save her! If it's anyone's fault it should be mine for not beating the guy before he could attack me again!"

_Oh,_ Gray blinked.

The words sunk in with a cold bleeding mess of guilt. The reality was smacking Gray in the face with truth and humility. Natsu wasn't just angry at him, or at the guild. He was angry with himself, and if that didn't make everything a hell of a lot worse then he didn't what did.

"Natsu, it's not your fault," Erza tried to lay her hand on Natsu's shoulder but he only shrugged it off.

"You don't get to blame her and not blame me too," His previously enraged persona shrunk into something much more vulnerable as his true heartbreak seeped through, "She's hurting right now, and I'm not there for her. No one was there for her."

He sniffled as he tried to hold back his own sadness with a snarl, "She's more than just a friend to me, and I let her down. We all let her down. And now she's alone all because Ice Prick couldn't keep his emotions in check."

Gray couldn't help the relief he felt at hearing the common nickname, but refused to show it. Much like how he and the rest of the guild chose to bury the not so subtle admission of Natsu's crush on Lucy for later. Instead, he sat up from his crutch that was Juvia's arm to meet Natsu's down trained eye, hoping his honesty was shining through his words, "Natsu, I mean it when I say I'm sorry. I made an awful mistake, and I want to fix it."

"How the hell are you gonna manage that, dick head. We don't know where she is," Natsu asked snarkily, earning a few guilty laughs from the table of sobering wizards.

"I'm not sure," He stammered but continued on, "but we'll figure it out. We'll find her. I was wrong about Lucy, and I won't let my emotions get the better of me again. I need her to know that."

Natsu only stared at Gray for a moment with an empty gaze, his mind was reeling with thoughts. He wanted to believe Gray and trust him again, because that's all he knew. But Gray already broke his trust so terribly that he wasn't sure he wanted to give him that control again. This wasn't just about Natsu, this was about Lucy. And he didn't want anyone else delving into her business until he could settle this himself. He needed to be the one to bring her home.

"You're right," Natsu declared as he straightened his posture, "but I'm finding her alone."

At his announcement, all of the previously sombered wizards bursted with objections causing Master Makarov to shout above the nonsensical noise, "Damn it you brats! Hush your whining!"

It took several moments, and a few smacks from Erza before the guild hall fell silent once more allowing Makarov to speak with an authoritative tone, "We've treated our own in a way that should not be tolerated, and for that we owe Lucy an apology. None of us are in a place to search for Lucy, nor should either of us be given the right to speak to her first," He turned from the guild as a whole to the fire dragon slayer before him, "Natsu, I give you the right to search for Lucy alone, though should you need help, any of your Fairy Tail members are welcome to assist you."

Natsu gave the master a sideways smirk that seemed to raise his own morale a bit, "Thanks Gramps."

Makarov gave him one last encouraging look before he was speaking again to the team in the corner that surrounded this whole catastrophe, "When Natsu returns with Lucy, I hope you can work towards earning back their trust and forgiveness."

Erza and Gray gave a simple nod, though Wendy abandoned any formalities and instead rammed herself into Natsu's legs. Her small arms wrapped around his knees and her sobs ripped from her chest with incoherent apologies.

Natsu stood startled for a moment, him and his team sharing a look of confusion until Natsu gently sat himself on the floor. He unraveled Wendy's arms and instead pulled her in a hug, "Wendy, what's wrong?"

All of her attempts to speak were suppressed against his scarf, leaving Natsu to ponder at his team in bewilderment. He mouthed out '_What is she saying?' _Though the other two only shrugged. He chose to stay still, with the entire guild pretending not to watch the dragon slayer awkwardly try to soothe the child in his arms, until she calmed enough to pull her face from his chest.

"I'm so sorry, Natsu!" Her voice was strained but finally unmuffled, "I didn't mean to hurt Lucy! I made her muffins so she could feel better but I didn't know she was gone!"

As Wendy used her palms to wipe her face, Happy ambled to Natsu's side with a humbled expression, "We're really sorry. We missed you and Lucy, I even got her a fish as a present!"

Both of his friends peered up at the pink haired boy who gaped at the two. Before he could respond Levy came rushing from her seat across the guild to hug Wendy and Natsu from behind, "I'm sorry too! I should have visited her the moment she left the guild!"

The perplexed emotion plastered on Natsu's face only increased with the added bodies around him. There were a few chuckles from the surrounding wizards as more of them crowded around Natsu, sharing their own apologies.

"You're a real man, Natsu," Elfman projected with a fist knocking against his own chest, "A real man!"

"Um, yeah," Evergreen hesitantly agreed with a curious look from The Thunder Legion, "What he said."

"We're sorry, Lucy!" Jet and Droy shouted in unison as they jumped into the group of hugging wizards, earning a grunt from Natsu due to the extra weight on his shoulders.

"Alright, guys I get it. Now get off me! You're all heavy!" Natsu attempted to push the mound of people off of his body without hurting anyone unnecessarily.

Even with his complaint, not a single soul moved. In fact, even more people piled on top of the suffocating wizard with '_Sorries' _floating in the air. His annoyance melted away into pleas for mercy, which was enough for Erza to step in and knock the tower of wizards off of the boy. Natsu stood with heavy breathes before facing Wendy again. His scowling face now only held a small smile that he hoped calmed her nerves, "Wendy it's alright. I don't blame you. Or Happy, or anyone in Fairy Tail really."

As he spoke words no one expected to hear, everyone's hearts began to lift. His kind forgiveness was something no one realized they were hoping for just as badly as they were Lucy's.

"Erza, thank you for trying your best," Natsu gently pulled Erza into a hug which she gratefully reciprocated, "I know it was hard. This isn't your fault."

Finally allowing her hard resolve to crumble, Titania allowed herself a moment of weakness. She gripped onto Natsu like a life line as her fear was whisked out of her by his words alone. He was a comfort she felt she didn't earn the right to receive, not until she's able to talk to Lucy once again and right her wrongs.

Natsu pulled back with his soft expression hardening once more as he appeared before Gray, who was still on the ground. There's a moment of anticipation where Gray can't determine if Natsu intends on hitting him again or straight up ignoring him. He's pleasantly surprised when Natsu offers his hand. Gray takes it.

He's lifted up to stand in front of Natsu, but doesn't speak. He allows the silence to fill the gap between them, leaving the ball in Natsu's court. He tried to show his gratitude, his concern, his guilt, and his fear in just a single look. He knows he fucked up, and he's not sure if he can ever go back to how things were before, but he wants to try.

"Gray," Natsu sounds… scared, something Gray hasn't heard often, "We're brothers man. I wanna trust you and depend on you. But you can't jump the gun like this again."

Gray only nods in understanding, though a mound of relief began blossoming in his chest at the sound of possible forgiveness coming from his friend.

"I understand where you were coming from. But what you did wasn't fair to Lucy, and you're going to make it up to her," His voice returns to his normal, harsher but amusing tone, though Gray doesn't register the change, "And when I bring her back, we're going to fix this," He gestured his hands around the guild, "Mess. 'Cause I'm sure she's got a lot of things going on her head right now."

"I agree with this plan," Master Makarov stood with his head held high, much like the rest of the guild, "Natsu, I entrust this mission in your hands. Bring my child home."

* * *

Aphrosilia listened patiently as Lucy retold her tale about the mission she and her team took that led to her life threatening injury. She finished applying the lotion to her delicate skin about half way through the story and resorted to sitting still as she allowed Lucy to finish. Lucy choked up a few times, and skipped a few rather gruesome details about what Gray said to her, but the majority of the story was fulfilled.

Lucy was out of breath, as if she ran a marathon and couldn't seem to fill her lungs again. Her heart was racing as her world seem to teeter in her vision, she hadn't had a dizzy spell in quite some time. Her eyes danced around the room in search of something to keep her distracted as she avoided the woman in front of her. Aphrosilia seemed to ponder her story with an empty gaze which only made Lucy's nerves jump. Even Loke, who was trying to keep a calm facade, had apprehension written all over his face as Aphrosilia rubbed her fingers along her chin in thought.

"So," The dark haired women broke the silence, and Lucy felt sudden relief that someone finally spoke, "You're telling me Natsu Dragneel, the Salamander of Fairy Tail, got hit with the same magic you did, but didn't suffer the same skin ailment as you?"

"Um," Lucy fidgeted with the ends of her cloak as she recalled the bubbling burn she'd seen on his back, "Yes. It was a lot worse and appeared way faster than mine did."

"Hm," Aphrosilia crossed her legs with her elbow resting on her knee and an index finger tapped her cheek, "Then my guess would be that he spooked the dark wizard enough for him to have to use a quick, high scaled attack on him."

Lucy and Loke cocked an eyebrow at her statement, urging her to explain, "Essentially, he drained magic from your body, which takes time and gives him instant rewards. But he used a large concentration of magic power to attack your friend, which consumes a large amount of his own power but can eradicate his opponent quite fast. The dark light only affects the skin which has been infected by the magic, and because of the high amount of magic used in the attack on Natsu, his skin ended up agitated much faster than yours did."

"So you're saying, Lucy would have ended up like Natsu eventually?" Loke asked with a pale face, "With bubbling, sizzling skin?"

Aphrosilia only gave a half smile, one Lucy could tell was out of pity. And she despised it. She didn't deserve this. To have her pain be taken away so quickly and easily, to have someone admire her and care for her when she barely met them an hour ago. She knew she should be grateful that she wasn't going to be dying by the hands of the same wizards who almost killed Natsu, but that didn't change the self deprecating thoughts she had.

"Lucy-" Loke barely had a chance to drag her out of her negativity before Lucy's own snappy voice was interrupting him.

"Quit it! Quit feeling bad for me!" She couldn't even bring herself to cast a glare at Aphrosilia, because she wasn't really angry with her as much as she was with herself. Instead she kept her hatred festering in her own body as she directed her words towards the ground, "I don't deserve this, your kindness! Didn't you hear what I did?! I almost killed my friend!"

"Lucy…" Loke held back as Lucy's tears began to fall again. He had half a mind to stay away and allow her to calm down using the techniques Aries taught her, but his worry always outshined his common sense.

Once her fingers were tugging at her hair again, he allowed himself to intervene. It was one of the many panic attacks she'd experienced during their trip, and he wasn't sure if he was proud to say he had gotten better at handling them or not. He stepped between the two girls, angling himself towards the brunette with a soft voice as he instructed her breathing.

Aphrosilia watched as her idol, someone she looked up to for years, crumbled in front of her. It was a humbling sight even if it brought an ache to her heart, one that she would remember for years to come. She hardly knew Lucy Heartfilia, but she felt like she had grown up with her, like they were best friends from the past.

Once Lucy's breaths evened out and her shaky fingers had retreated from her hair, Loke returned to his post beside his master. The celestial spirit mage refused to take her eyes off the ground, instead allowing the silence to envelope around them.

"I can tell you're in a dark place Miss Heartfilia," Lucy flinched at the sudden calm voice, "but I can also tell there's so much light within you. It's just a little buried right now, and I hope you can bring it to the surface again soon."

Aprhosilia didn't give Lucy a chance to respond to her before she was recounting a story neither of them expected to hear, "I've looked up to Fairy Tail since I was a child after a Fairy Tail wizard saved me from near death. His name was Mystogan, and I've been working all my life to repay his kindness with my own good deeds."

"You knew Mystogan?" Loke asked with fondness as his memories of Lucy's time in Edolas invaded his mind, "He was a great guy."

Aphrosilia broke out into a grin that caused her eyes to squint, "That he was! He showed me a life I wasn't sure I would ever get to experience," Her expression softened into something a bit saddened, "He saved me from a dark guild who kidnapped me. When he brought me home and told me he was from Fairy Tail, I followed the guild every day after. I stayed up to date on your adventures, especially when a Celestial Spirit wizard joined."

Lucy stiffened, but kept her eyes trained on the floor. Aphrosilia continued, "My mother owned a few silver keys, but I never took up the magic myself. I felt like I couldn't be a good wizard, especially one like those in Fairy Tail," When Aphrosilia's fingers traced over Lucy's guild mark, she had to try her hardest not to rip it away, "But when you joined and I heard your story, you encouraged me. Your background was so different from mine but similar in a way. If a wealthy Heartfilia, who was certainly required to marry into a high standard family, was able to escape and join a magic guild… then…"

The doctor clasped her own hand around Lucy's, "Maybe I can learn magic too. I don't think I'd want to fight battles but, maybe a healer of sorts? I've only started learning necessary spells recently but… You inspired me Lucy," Lucy forced her head to rise as the woman seemed to beg with her voice to look at her, "I don't believe a word you or that boy on your mission said about you. I think you're incredibly brave, strong, and courageous. I'm so grateful I had the opportunity to meet such a powerful wizard."

"You don't mean that," Lucy's cramped her fist around Aprosilia's fingers, releasing them almost immediately once she processed her sudden movement and retreated back into her cloak, "You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm no liar," She assured, "I can't force you to take my word for it, though I hope you can come to understand and accept them some day."

As the doctor pushed herself to stand, Lucy joined her seconds after she offered the bottle of lotion, "Here you go. You can go into the restroom over there and finish applying this to the rest of your body."

Lucy gave a nervous nod before disappearing through the door.

"Thank you for doing this," Loke hummed, "I was starting to think I'd be carrying around a corpse soon."

The dark humor didn't seem to bother Aprhosilia as she gave out a hearty laugh. She sauntered over to the spirit and pulled him into her side with an arm over his shoulders. He left out a sudden huff of breath as his body was shifted, but didn't move to leave. When the woman noticed the red dusting his cheeks as he attempted to direct their attention to some weird painting of fruit in the corner, she leaned into him with a seductive pur, "If I remember correctly, Leo the Lion has always been on the flirty side."

"Oh, um" He coughed, still refusing to look her in the eye, "Well my priorities are a bit mixed up these days! You know… run away master, near death scenario, limited magic power… What a time to be alive!"

He internally groaned as his words tumbled through his mind. He sounded like a complete idiot, fumbling around with his hands stuck in his pockets. He was off his game and out of practice, but Aphrosilia didn't seem to mind. In fact, it appeared she found his awkwardness almost… charming?

"Aww I got the kitty all shy," She pulled away from his body with devilish smirk, "You were so full of life earlier, what happened?"

Loke prickled at her accusation. His persona shifted with narrowed eyes and crossed arms though it only seemed to egg the woman on more, "I'm not a _kitty_. _Happy _is a kitty! I'm a lion, big difference!"

"Oh I'm so sorry," Her mockery was like poking a bull, "I got the _big _kitty all shy _and _upset!"

"Are you sure you passed the first grade?" Loke pried with amusement, "Because I'm not sure you know your animals, lady."

"Hm, why don't you teach me then?" Aphrosilia was in front of him again, but much closer than he was used to. She was encroaching him small personal bubble, not that he particularly minded, but he wasn't quite used to _this_. A beautiful woman, he couldn't deny her charm, was playfully bickering with him? Willingly? Without him have to impress her or butter her up?

"Are-"

"Are you flirting with Loke?!"

Both heads shifted to face a scarlet faced Lucy, though the red was no longer from her rash but from the embarrassment she felt for walking in on such an… _intimate _moment. The two scampered away from each other as Lucy tried to reel back her horrified look.

"Would you look at that! That's the Lucy I remember from the magazines!"

Without moving from her spot in the doorway, Lucy offered the lotion back to Aphrosilia who shook her head, "Keep it, just in case. You never know if you'll need it again."

"Oh, thank you," She tucked the bottle into her pocket to pack into her bag latter, "But I don't think I have enough money to repay you…"

The doctor waved them off, her earlier involvement with Loke seemingly forgotten from her mind, "Ah, don't worry about it. It's the least I could do after all you've done for Fiore. I mean, your team alone has taken down so many dark guilds. It's insane!"

"Almost," Lucy murmured.

"Ah, 99 out of 100 is still a passing grade Miss Heartfilia," She scolded with humor, "Karma will have Valcona soon, whether it's by the hands of Fairy Tail or not. Though I still have faith their remaining dark wizards that scattered into the woods will feel your wrath soon."

Lucy mustered up the most grateful smile she could. Even if she felt shitty and wished she could hide from the world for an eternity, this woman very well probably just saved her life. It was a debt she hoped she could repay one day, and Lucy wouldn't dare forget what she'd done for her.

"Say, do you have that pen?" Lucy asked with a now rare smile gracing her lips once more.

Aphrosilia's eyes lit up as she revived her earlier search for the pen, which was residing in one of the drawers by the window. Lucy gave her a simple autograph with a heart by the edge of her name. Loke on the other hand gave her a longer declaration of her beauty which Lucy rolled her eyes too. By the time the two were out the door, Aphrosilia had hung the autograph above her desk.

"I hope I can see you again!" Aphrosilia called out with a wave from out the door towards the walking wizards, "I'll keep your secret safe, Anna!"

Lucy felt a giggle rise into her chest, but her mind suppressed it. Instead she let her smile speak for her. Loke was much more at ease with Lucy's skin having returned to normal, and he felt his flirtatious character replacing his overly cautious one. It was like the visit with Aphrosilia not only cured Lucy's physical injury, but also helped him regain his footing in his own mind. He was back to his people loving, carefree self.

It was a breath of fresh air.

"So, what's next?" Loke asked once Aphrosilia's cabin was out of sight.

The busy town center was just coming to view when Lucy voiced her decision, "We're going to finish what we started."

Those dark wizards hadn't seen the last of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Or Merry Late Christmas? Haha. I intended on updating this yesterday but I didn't have time to finish this chapter before hand :(. I struggled with writing Natsu's portion because I couldn't decide if I wanted to make him more angry than I did or not. But I think what I did fit what would have happened had Hiro Mashima been in charge lol. I don't think he'd want Natsu to beat up Gray too much to the point where they couldn't come back from this.
> 
> Also Aphrosilia? Idk why I made her flirty, I just wanted some Loke action because he's been so serious and worried that he lost himself for a bit lol. I thought making her a but flirtatious would help bring him back to himself, you know? Also I've now preplanned this story up to Chapter 11 or 12 depending on if I split one of the chapters into 2, and I still have more to plan after! I got an incredibly sweet review that helped me determine what to do with this story, so I'll be making this a longer story so I can reach everything I wanted to write! Thank you to Gaia Kame for your review!
> 
> Next chapter we'll see some ass kicking from Lucy and Natsu's first lead! Let's get onto this adventure!
> 
> My Socials:  
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	5. Letter Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy has her first battle and Natsu has his second break down.

One might say someone of Lucy's upbringing would loathe sleeping outdoors. With the strict rules, ladylike expectations, and regal status she had grown up with, it wasn't often Lucy Heartfilia had the chance to get 'down and dirty'. But her time with Fairy Tail had shown her the experience she'd been missing out on.

Some wizards and their teams would rent motel rooms in the town they were in business at. Purchasing rooms by the night was pretty cheap if you knew where to look, and free breakfast was the ideal scenario. But ever since she started going on jobs with Natsu, she's taken a liking to sleeping close to the earth with nothing but a sleeping bag and a sky full of stars. A month ago she might be complaining about her back hurting or the cold wind, but now she only felt a comforting sense of belonging and a painful yearning for the friends she didn't deserve.

As she lay in her sleeping bag with the constellations staring down at her, she couldn't help the mixed feelings swirling in her head.

She had a plan, a very loose and fragile plan, but it was better than nothing. Now that the sun didn't feel like it was scraping her body every time she showed her skin, she found venturing into the town much easier. She was able to reveal her face enough to speak with the townspeople without them fearing her, and gathered the information she was searching for.

Although she and her team had failed the mission, the majority of the dark guild Valcona was put out of commission and shipped off for the magic council to deal with. As a result they hadn't caused much commotion within the town. Rather than seeming angry with Fairy Tail, the residents were actively praising them and their work. They were determined that the wizards would come back to finish the job eventually, even if they needed time to recoup.

She wasn't sure if that reassured her that her guild wouldn't be ridiculed because of her actions, or bothered her that they were so confident in them; so confident in her.

She managed to narrow down the areas in the forest that the remaining wizard who hadn't been recovered by the magic council would be hiding. There was only one left, but he was the most powerful in the guild, easily rivaling S-Class status in Fairy Tail. He was the same man that led Lucy into the predicament she was in today.

Her and Loke had devised a plan of action, one that she thankfully had well thought out. She was positive that with Loke's help, this man would be stopped. What she had the most trouble with was figuring out how to inform the magic council to come collect Jonathon Barsoni once she had defeated him without outing herself as Lucy Heartfilia.

She raised her hand above her head, shielding her view of the stars with her bandaged hand. She both dearly missed her guild mark and hated it at the same time. She missed her home and her friends, the place she made her fondest memories. But she also feared it. The memories of laughter and happiness were tainted with a bittersweet agony. She couldn't get Gray's sneering face and Natsu's lifeless body out of her mind.

She figured he had to have woken up by now. He was probably aware she had left. She refused to imagine his reaction, because whether it was good or bad wouldn't change her decision. All it would bring were negative emotions that would dampen her already rotten mood.

"You've been glaring at your hand for a while."

The brunette didn't startle, growing accustomed to the familiar voice of her spirit. Loke was resting beside her on his own makeshift bed. He had refused to return to the spirit world for anything longer than a few minutes, meaning he had taken to sleeping beside her.

"Just thinking," Lucy responded calmly as she lowered her hand.

Loke made a questioning noise, encouraging her to continue her thought process.

"About tomorrow, the plan."

"Ah," He clicked his tongue against his teeth, "Are you worried about something? You know we'll catch the guy. We have a badass plan."

"It's not that," She remained focused on the stars above, with emotion void from her voice, "It's about after. How do we turn him in?"

"What do you mean?" Loke pushed himself to a sitting position as he leaned back against his hands, "We just call up the magic council and report it to-" He stopped mid sentence as his mind caught up to his words, "Oh."

"Not without telling them my affiliation with Fairy Tail. Then this is all for nothing."

Both remained silent with their mind churning for ideas. Lying to the magic council was never a bright idea, but did she have a choice? The only other option was the truth and that didn't seem too appealing.

"What if I turned them in?"

Lucy blinked in confusion before finally landing her eyes on Loke, "What do you mean?"

"I'm technically still a member of Fairy Tail, and I can finish the job and claim I was sent in place of the original team who took it," Loke smirked as his idea unfolded, "I'm sure they won't recognize me since I've been gone for awhile. I turn him into the council, then we can report to the mission sender to ease their worries by telling them the last member has been retrieved."

Lucy pondered his idea as her previous anxiety seemed to flutter away with each passing second. She quickly agreed to his plan, causing his ego to soar much to her displeasure. She could semi-handle a worrisome Loke as she had all week, but a flirty, egotistical Loke was someone she tried to avoid.

"Wow darling, you make my heart burst with pleasure!" He raised his hands dramatically with a sparkle in his eye, "Your beauty is radiant in all its glory! I'm so lucky to have such a gorgeous lady by my side!"

"Oh shut it!" She shouted as she ducked her head inside her sleeping bag.

"Hm, playing hard to get I see," He rubbed his chin with his two fingers, "I like a challenge."

"I wonder if you'll like my foot up your ass," She muttered to herself, though the other party seemed to hear her clearly.

"Well I'm not a masochist," He chuckled, "but I like a girl with spunk!"

"You're on thin ice pall!" She warned with a louder voice, "I'll send you back to the spirit world, don't test me!"

She took a moment to realize and appreciate the fact that she could even threaten him in such a playful way again. The fact that she had enough magic energy to force his gate closed was comforting, though she tried to avoid doing that to her spirits as it caused trust issues and insecurities. Her magic had been restored as was her skin. She kept the bottle of lotion from Aphrosilia sealed in her bag in case of emergency, though she hoped she never had to use it again

Loke let out a fake gasp, "You would abandon me? How could you?! After all we've been through!"

By now Lucy couldn't hold back her giggle, "I know what you're doing Loke."

Loke dropped his act and returned to a calm persona with a small smile, "Is it working?"

It was moments like these that made her cherish the bond she had with her spirits. Although she's been a hassle to deal with, now and all her life, they've stayed by her side. They're determined to help her even when she's an ugly mess. They don't leave her to suffer alone, and do their best to cheer her up, just like Loke had done right now.

His distraction was just what she needed, just a taste of normalcy and happiness. It was refreshing.

"It is," She responded as she pulled her head back from its hiding place, "Thank you."

* * *

"How are you holding up, Natsu?"

Mira's cheery voice was mellow as she approached Natsu's slumped form at one of the larger tables in Fairy Tail. He had a map of Fiore laid out across the wooden surface with various pins in possible locations Lucy could be headed to. He had Levy to his right, assessing the map as she tried to help him determine where Lucy's next destination may be.

He couldn't relax since he had returned to the guild hall, only taking short breaks to nap and eat when he was forced to. He, Erza, and Cana had gone through Lucy's entire apartment for any clues she may have left behind, but all that stood out were the dead lilies wilting over a vase and bloody glass shards in her trash can. Those had brought Natsu into a state of panic which Erza had to knock him out of.

Happy and Carla had accompanied Gray, Gajeel, and Wendy who spent each day scouring the town for information. They had interrogated nearly every person in town until eventually everyone was aware of Lucy's disappearance. As imaginations began to wander, rumors had started as to what happened to the celestial spirit mage. Tales of kidnap and ransom were thrown around, some even said she ran away.

Those in particular were hard to swallow, as the truth tends to be.

Though for the past three days, nothing has come up. Not a single clue as to where she took off to. No one saw her leave, nor have they seen her around. It was as if she vanished without a trace.

Natsu chose not to answer Mira's question. Not because he wanted to ignore her, but purely because he didn't have an answer. He couldn't say he was good, okay, or even fine. His brain was running with every idea and scenario that crossed his mind. His protective instincts were urging him to jump out the window on a rampage until she was spotted, but his logical side was fighting to stay put until he had a starting point.

Complex emotion wasn't entirely common for the dragon slayer. He preferred life simple, and attempted to keep it that way. He avoided situations that led to him emitting anything other than happiness or anger. Maybe some excitement or hunger if that could be constituted as an emotion. Anything other than that just wasn't his forte, neither was it the guilds. He detested seeing fear, sadness, or any other abnormal trace of negativity on their faces.

So this whirlwind of grief, despair, passion, rage, and sorrow was foreign territory. He'd felt fear before, a lot of anger, and even sadness. He'd seen dark things in life that have made his mind flare with a few of these emotions, but never has it affected him quite like this. It was suffocating, like it was drowning him

The only time he's ever felt like this was when Future Lucy was murdered right before his eyes.

Though even then, it was different. Because while that was traumatizing in it's own right, at the end of the day he still had Lucy within his reach. He'd lost a fragment of the future, a future he helped save. And he knew in his heart that even though it was a close call, even though it was technically Lucy who was struck and killed, the Lucy of the future was safe now in her own time.

Present Lucy was lost, hurting, and most definitely heartbroken if the guilds explanation of what happened that night was anything to go by. He had no leads, no information. He was a sitting duck, waiting for answers.

Natsu groaned in frustration as he ran his fingers through his pink locks. Levy tossed him a sympathetic glance while Gajeel, who had returned from questioning Magnolia and sat himself across the solid script mage, didn't give much acknowledgment.

"Is everything alright?" Mira asked again after not receiving a response from earlier.

"No," Natsu snapped, though quickly calmed his tone before he could offend the woman, "Nothing's alright. Lucy's gone and I can't find her."

"Don't give up hope yet," Erza announced as she approached the table with a heavily bandaged Gray trailing behind her, "Maybe we need to run through the story again. There could be clues we're missing."

"I'm not sure if that's a great idea," Gray suggested quietly as he eyed Natsu.

Though Natsu hadn't taken his time destroying Gray for his actions, things between them were still cold and distant. The Ice Mage never minded the cold, but this is a time he would prefer the flaming inferno of their brawls to heat things up between them. The guild seems to have forgiven him for the most part, but Natsu and Lucy are who's mercy he craves. Until that happens, Gray will let Natsu and Lucy choose where their friendship stands, even if that means they want nothing to do with him

"Ice Princess is right," Natsu sat straight, crossing his arms over his chest as he let narrowed eyes run across the map, "I don't know if I can hear that mess again. It'll just rile me up."

Erza nodded in understanding. She silently agreed with his sentiment, though wouldn't share that. The night they came back from that mission showed how dreadfully immature they could be. On Gray's part for attacking Lucy, on Erza for not stepping in, and on Makarov for ordering her home and refusing to allow anyone to speak to her.

However, without any information, they had nowhere to start. Lucy left nothing to find her with, and with a week head start, not even a scent to follow. They've exhausted every avenue and all of their wizards. As much as she wanted to comb through the harsh details of the night once more, she knew there wasn't much waiting for her. Lucy was practically mute for the entire day back to the guild, what could she possibly have done or said to point to a sign?

"Hey Natsu," Wendy, who had joined the group shortly after Erza, sat herself by his side, "You haven't told us your part yet."

When each set of eyes landed on the young girl, she nervously curled into herself. In her haste to get the many stares off of her, she blurted out without much thought, "You know, what happened before Gray got there? With him and Lucy?"

Everyone curiously glanced at each other, aside from Natsu who was burning holes with his eyes into the map below with a pensive look.

"That's true," Levy agreed with a tense frown, "But I'm not sure if him telling us will do any good."

"Well what's the harm in trying?" Gajeel grunted, earning him a scowl from Levy that he ignored, "Salamander might be overlookin' something. Best course of action would be to have an extra set of ears to help him sort through it."

"Don't push him Gajeel!" Levy pushed against the table into a stand with a defensive posture, "This is hard enough for him as it is!"

"Calm down, Shrimp," Levy's growl was out of character, though Gajeel didn't seemed bothered by it, "It could give us a lead, it's just a suggestion."

"I agree," Erza turned towards the dragon slayer with a hopeful glance, "It may be beneficial."

While Natsu could see their point, and even agree with it, the memories in his head are nothing pleasant. He'd been blocking them out ever since he woke up and had no intention of facing them again. It was his own faults that got him in the situation he found himself in, regardless of whatever the others may try to convince otherwise. Even though Fairy Tail avoids killing those who commit crimes, the regret he felt for not ending that pathetic dark wizards life was heavy.

The thirst for blood he was feeling was terrifying, but oddly comforting.

The group surrounding him were bickering between themselves, trying to make their voices and opinions heard. Levy and Gray were against Natsu reliving the event, while Erza and Gajeel were adamant it was crucial to go through every detail. Wendy leaned away from Natsu and towards Mira with shame tainting her features for even suggesting anything in the first place.

The shouting grew louder, and even with Natsu trying to drown it out to think things over himself, their shrieking was becoming too much. They were attracting wandering eyes from those who weren't involved in the search and the situation was getting out of hand. By the time Juvia joined in to back up Gray, the heated argument was nearly turning into a physical fight.

The dragon slayer sighed before raising his voice to break up the shouting happening around him, "Everyone shut up! It's my choice so stop your whining!"

Everyone froze in place, only seconds away from starting a massive feud that would definitely end with a repair bill. As their minds caught up with their fists, they let their guards down and sunk into their seats. Levy and Gray had the decency to give Natsu an apologetic look, but Gajeel and Erza remained stoic as Natsu stated his decision, "Even if I don't want to remember what happened, I have to in case it can help Lucy."

Neither Levy nor Gray challenged his choice, instead giving him a nod of acceptance. Mira, who had remained by Wendy's side, lowered herself to the bench next to the Sky Dragon Slayer. The older wizard took the younger's hand which prompted Wendy to reach for Natsu's in a silent sign of support. Natsu jumped as her hand touched his, causing her to retreat, and eyed her in confusion. After seeing the girl shrink into herself in disappointment, the fire mage softened his features and took her hand in his.

Sometimes he forgets just how young Wendy is, especially in the heat of battle when tensions are high. She's just a little girl, and the weight of this situation was obviously a lot of her to handle. The least he could do is make sure she doesn't feel the need to walk on eggshells around him.

Wendy instantly relaxed with both of her hands encompassed around her friends. Mira smiled softly at the little girl next to her before turning to Natsu and mouthing a simple "thank you". Natsu returned her gesture with a faint smile of his own before bringing his attention back to the group staring at him.

Happy, Carla, and Patherlily had joined the rowdy bunch and sat beside their respective dragon slayers. Happy sat himself directly on Natsu's lap with a paw gently clutching his pants. He grinned down at his longtime companion in appreciation. He was grateful to have such a great friend to call family, just like the rest of Fairy Tail. They just need to get their missing family member home.

"We had split up for the mission," Natsu began, "Gray and I were supposed to chase out the dark wizards towards the back of the warehouse where Erza was hiding. Luce stayed in the front in case any came out a different way."

His grip on Wendy's hand increased, "When we finished at the back end of the warehouse, I could hear fighting from the front so I went to make sure everything was okay. Four wizards were already down, but Lucy was fighting one more. He was a complete asshole," Natsu growled as the memory invaded his mind but persisted, "His magic was super weird too. He wrapped her up in this black light. She couldn't move."

"She was screaming," His voice was strained as he held back angry tears, though no one dared to mention it, "It must have been painful. I don't know what it was doing but I knew it wasn't good. I beat him up until he lost his connection. When I went to see if Lucy was okay, he blasted me from behind. Then I woke up here."

As if he was slapped from behind, Natsu jolted to awareness. His eyes were wide with panic as he struggled to speak. He was suddenly standing as he grasped at the wooden table to stabilize himself, causing Happy to fall onto the bench seat beside him. His head whipped to face Mirajane's concerned expression. The group of wizards eyed him in confusion at his sudden change in demeanor.

"Natsu?" Mira questioned as her hold on Wendy's hand turned into a cradled hug.

"Did anyone check Lucy's injuries?" Natsu's voice pleaded Mira to answer his prayers.

Lucy couldn't have not been affected by that magic. If the wizard could do as much as incapacitate a dragon slayer with one hit, then who knows what he did to her. He needed to know she wasn't suffering somewhere in the wilderness on her own, that she was checked over by Wendy, Mirajana, or Porlyusica as everyone was at the end of a dangerous mission.

However, his horror was realized at Mirajane's eyes began to mist over. Her hand shook as she covered her mouth and the trailing mumbled words falling from her lips. A glance to the rest of the group only solidified the hopelessness he was now feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Natsu?" Happy, who had flown to the table top after his comfortable chair attempted to launch him across the room, grabbed a handful of Natsu's tunic with a timid voice, "What's wrong with Lucy?"

Natsu had no words to comfort his long time friend. His mind was lost in the vortex of her fears. His eyes were distant as flashes of Lucy hunched over a broken tree with bloodied skin infiltrated his thoughts. Could he really have saved her life only to possibly lose her again? Was she in pain? Or was she still hurt from the guilds words? Would she have gotten help if she was injured?

The unknown really did suck, he decided. He felt he knew his friends, his family, well enough to say that even if no one had checked over Lucy, she must have visited a doctor herself. But that logic was no longer valid in his head. His team had divided in a time or crisis, throwing blame like a dodgeball. The guild had sent Lucy home alone and allowed her to flee the city during the week it took him to awaken. He couldn't be sure of anything anymore, especially knowing Lucy's stubbornness. For all he knew, she was still suffering.

"Does anyone know what type of magic that wizard used?" Levy broke Natsu from his trance.

He found himself seated yet again with Happy on his lap and Wendy around his arm. Both were holding onto him as the table's search for Lucy continued with even more vigor than before. At some point during Natsu's breakdown, Levy must have run to the guilds library to grab one of the largest books Fairy Tail owned.

Master Makarov had joined his children to oversee the progress and offer his assistance. He and Freed deliberated with Levy as Gray supplied them with the limited information he knew about Natsu and Lucy's attacker.

"I don't know, you'll have to ask Coal For Brains when he comes back to the present," Gray sat across from Levy with the master beside him, "I just know it doesn't sound like a standard, or legal, kind of magic."

"Dark wizards ain't the type to go the legal route," Gajeel adorned his own pair of reading glasses matching Levy and Freed as he attempted to make sense of the words he was skimming over her shoulder.

"Had anyone heard of this guild, Valcona, before the job was posted?" Erza shuffled a pile of endless papers that were once neatly filed in the masters office; Natsu should know considering his last punishment for damaging guild property was to organize them.

"I haven't," Jet chimed in as he awkwardly stood at the end of the table between Gray and Levy, trying to decide what he could do to help, "Maybe they're new?"

"This wizard seems overly qualified for a small time dark guild," Erza murmured with creased brows, "With this kind of Magic, he seems more on the level of the Oracion Seis."

"I've heard of Valcona before you lot went on your job," Master Makarov scratched at his chin with stress pulling on his features, "The posting mentioned the unruly wizards committing petty crimes like theft and vandalism at first. Eventually they turned to arson and even murder."

"Murder?" Wendy's loose grip on Natsu returned to a nearly bone breaking strength, "But why?"

Makarov shook his head in disappointment, "I will never understand the vile acts committed by the wizards who choose to walk the path of evil."

"Murder," Natsu attracted the attention of his friends as he broke free of his mental torment. His pupils were glossed over in unshed tears with creased brows threatening to pour them over, "Do you think his magic killed her?"

"Natsu!" Mira scolded from next to Wendy, "Don't jump to conclusions, you said it yourself to Gray!"

"We can't afford to think of the worst case scenario," Erza kept her gaze off of her friend, both out of guilt and sadness. Instead she bore holes with her eyes into the papers below, "If we think too negatively we may begin to act irrationally."

"If I know anything about Lu it's that she won't give up too easily," Levy grinned at the dragon slayer, "If she got hurt, I'm sure she visited a doctor!"

"C'mon Salamander, you really gonna give up on Bunny girl like that? Dontcha have a little faith in her?" Gajeel's bait seemed to do the trick, causing Natsu to glare at him with annoyance and abandon his previously distraught self.

"Of course I have faith in her!" He defended, "She's one of the strongest women I ever met! She's… Lucy!"

"Then you know she can take care of herself," The Iron Dragon Slayer crossed his arms over his chest and turned back to the book Levy had in front of her, "Now quit bein' lazy and help us figure out what type of magic this idiot uses."

"What is figuring out his magic going to do to help us find her?" Natsu asked with almost laughable confusion.

Almost laughable if the current subject wasn't about their missing guildmate.

"Possibly nothing, but also possibly something," Gray answered with a sincere stare, "But it's worth a shot if it can point us in the direction of the guy who hurt you guys. We can see if Lucy may be injured from his magic in a way we didn't see, but it can also help us find him. He's still out there, and could attack Lucy again."

That was enough to send Natsu to work.

* * *

Lucy could confidently say she hardly slept a wink last night. Her mind was reeling with probabilities and calculations that blocked her from falling into a soothing slumber. She wasn't sure if she was relieved that she was able to avoid a night of dreaming nightmares or annoyed with the fatigue that weighed her down.

"Man, sleeping on the ground is seriously starting to mess up my spine."

Loke massaged his back muscles as best as he could on his own in between his complaints. Due to their circumstances, comfort was not a priority.

"You can always go sleep in the spirit world," The brunette offered bluntly.

"And leave a beautiful lady alone in the woods? That's not very chivalrous."

Lucy didn't give him any sort of acknowledgment other than a roll of her eyes as she folded up her sleeping bag and attached it to her packed bag. The ground was still cool from the nights lowered temperatures and the dark clouds in the sky showed signs of rain by the end of the day. She had a bit of money to head to town and buy food, but she doubted she had enough to buy a tent to protect herself from mother nature.

"We're going to have to find a cheap tent in town," Lucy informed her companion as she secured the bag to her back, "It looks like it might rain tonight."

"Humidity," Loke stated in disgust as he dusted off his suit jacket before he shrugged it onto his shoulder, "It's awful for my hair."

"You know? I don't think I care," Lucy's monotonous tone led Loke to scoff at her.

"I thought Lucy Heartfilia knew everything about fashion and beauty," After buttoning his jacket, he placed his hand on his hips in a playful manner.

Lucy mimicked him with narrowed eyes, "I'm not the same Lucy Heartfilia you knew a week ago."

Before the stunned lion spirit had a chance to respond, Lucy began her walk towards the town. Loke stumbled forwards until he fell into step with her quick stroll. She was right in her statement, this definitely wasn't the same Lucy, from her physical features all the way down to the way she carried herself. He saw sparks of who he knew as the same person that rescued him by the waterfall all those months ago, but they were gone as soon as they arrived.

She used to be an optimist with a carefree attitude and a friendly aura. She was a bubbly blonde that dressed in cute clothing and spoke fondly of her friends. Lucy loved writing, and chatting with Levy, learning new things, and reading new books. Her guild mark was her pride and joy, as was the guild itself. Her best friends were her life, even if they annoyed her occasionally.

Loke almost never saw her without a smile on her face.

Now as she marched down the hiking trail that led to the town circle, she hunched in on herself. She doesn't hide her head in her cloak hood, but she still cowers behind the fabric covering her body. Her dark hair covers the almost permanent scowl on her face. She hardly laughs, and she covered up the mark that seems to only bring her sadness now.

She was absolutely right, she wasn't the same Lucy. And he wasn't sure if he should be trying to turn her back into the old Lucy, or help her embrace the person she wanted to be.

The town was already bustling with people picking up their daily groceries. There was a large crowd for a town with such a small population. The two received a few strange looks from those who recognized them from the day before, but neither paid much mind to them.

Lucy lead them through the stream of bodies with ease until they were walking away from the larger retail stores and found various stands of freshly baked breads and plucked fruit. The residents further from the main circle usually don't have their own market, and instead sell home goods straight from their doorstep. The carts were filled with delicious looking delectables and smiling faces. Each small street shop sold their own selection of goodies, but a particularly cheap food cart caught Lucy's attention. There was a small line which Lucy politely waited in while Loke browsed the other shops in search of a tent.

Soon enough, Lucy was at the front of the line. Though as she approached the cart, a slender woman with white hair tied up in a high bun greeted her. It was like she'd entered a different reality, one similar to Edolas with counterparts that exist for every person, because this young lady was the spitting image of Mirajane. She had heard of the myth that everybody had seven doppelgangers in the world, but she'd never truly believed it may be true until this moment.

"Hi miss, what can I get for you today?" Even her voice, sweet and loving, sounded so much like the She-Devil back at Fairy Tail.

Lucy must have been staring too long when the cashier bent forward to repeat her question. The woman eyed her curiously as she recovered from her mental shock. Her brain malfunctioned as she blanked on what she was planning to order. Was it the muffins? Or the danish? Maybe she planned on getting fruit for the road? The wide variety of food suddenly seemed to overwhelm the brunette along with the growing impatience from the customers waiting behind her.

"Will ya hurry up lady?!" Lucy winced, best not to agitate a hungry local.

She cast an apologetic look at the women, hoping she wouldn't find her actions rude, "Sorry to hold you up," She'd just have to find her breakfast somewhere else.

"Wait!" Just as Lucy was turning to leave, the woman called out to her. Her voice was almost bitter-sweet, and Lucy couldn't hide the sudden moisture in her eyes or the burning in her throat at the thought of her friend.

The white haired woman retrieved a young boy from behind the cart to appease the waiting customers. Once the boy was at work, the woman waved for her to return. Lucy couldn't help the longing she felt to follow this woman and pull her into a hug. She resembled her friend so closely that it was almost painful. She couldn't imagine what she might do if she saw someone who looked like Natsu.

Ah yes, there's that ache again, deep in her heart. The one she's come to recognize as the pain of loss, heartbreak, and guilt.

The Mira Look-alike seemed to notice Lucy's apprehension, and skipped over to her instead. Her dainty hands held her light blue dress above her ankles and her high bun bounced on top of her head as she bounded on her heels. She seemed carefree yet also well mannered, something Lucy often wondered she may have ended up like had she stayed with her father and married a man she'd never met.

"Hi," The woman greeted with an outstretched hand, "My name's Stephanie!"

Now that Lucy got a better look at Stephanie, she noticed the small freckles that dusted her cheeks and the green speckles in her eyes. One of her front teeth was longer than the other, only by maybe a centimeter, and her smile created a singular dimple on one side of her face. The sleeves of her dress only went down to her elbows, and on her forearms were no scars of battle but instead more freckles scattered around lightly.

She definitely wasn't Mirajane, Lucy could see that now, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

"Hi, I'm Anna," Lucy awkwardly extended her hand to meet Stephanies, who's handshake was so vigorous it caused Lucy's body to sway side to side unsteadily. Stephanie let out a bubbly laugh as she cupped Lucy's hand between her palms.

"Anna!" She repeated in a high pitched voice as she gently pulled Lucy back towards the cart of food, "You look hungry, don't leave without some food!"

Although she allowed herself to be led forwards, Lucy cautiously glanced around her towards the townspeople who weren't paying much attention to her, "I'm sorry," Lucy mumbled.

"Don't be, Silly!" Stephanie assured.

When they appeared at the front of the line, Stephanie pulled Lucy behind the wooden cart and quickly disappeared into the small house that must belong to her and the boy. The boy only casts a small smile towards the two before returning to helping a mother and son pick out muffins.

His voice was much softer than Stephanies, barely above a whisper. His physical appearance was the exact opposite of the white haired women with a pale complexion. He had a darker skin tone and slick brown hair that was around Gray's length. He wore normal clothes that fit in with the current generation, some cropped jeans with a loose shirt. If Lucy had to guess, he seemed to be about Romeo's age.

"You remind me a lot of him," Stephanie stepped outside of their home carrying a small leather satchel. She settled herself beside the brunette, content with watching the interactions the boy was having with a smile on her face.

"What do you mean?" Lucy doesn't look away as the mother and son leave with a happy purchase and a young man walks up to order a scone.

"You act just like he did when I found him four years ago," Stephanie turned to Lucy with all her previous happiness replaced with a worried expression, "Lost and scared."

Lucy wasn't sure how to respond. Being called out was always a slap to the face. The only thing Lucy could think to do was deflect with a fake cheery voice and a forced grin, "Oh I'm fine, no need to worry!"

Stephanie doubted her, that much was obvious, but she seemed to let it go. She couldn't expect a stranger to open up to her just because she asked. Instead of pressuring the newcomer to vent to her, she returned to her happy self and flashed her toothy smile, "Whatever you say! How about I grab you some food for the road!"

"Oh no that's-" Lucy attempted to decline but Stephanie waved her off before filling the leather satchel with various goodies. As Lucy watched the bag fill up with enough food to last a week, the guilt piled up inside her chest. Her wallet was scarce and she still needed to find a tent… she wasn't sure she would be able to repay Stephanie for her hospitality.

People really needed to stop being so nice to her, she didn't deserve it.

"Here you are, Miss Anna!" Stephanie jumped on her heels in excitement as she forced the satchel into Lucy's arms, "That should help you get through at least a few days."

A few days? This can last a month if she rationed everything…

"Thank you Stephanie," Lucy nervously spoke, "But-"

"Oh, you can call me Steph!" The woman added on.

"Steph," Lucy corrected, "Thank you, but I'm not sure I have enough money to pay for all of this."

"No worries, it's on the house!" Stephanie reassured rather loudly.

"What?" Lucy asked incredulously, "No I can't just... take it."

Stephanie placed her hand on Lucy's forearm, causing her to stare into her green-speckled blue eyes, "Please, I can tell you need it more than I do."

Could she really accept this act of kindness? Every inch of her was screaming to resist and back away. This friendly woman was giving her too much credit, she wasn't anything like whatever she may have imagined. She's not a girl who lost her way or someone living on the streets after being forgotten by someone she loved. She wasn't anyone worthy of her treatment, or Aphrosilia's praise.

She was a disgrace to the Fairy Tail Guild, a poor excuse for a wizard and a weak tag along on missions. Her friendships were broken because she relied on them too much to carry her dead weight. She practically killed her friend, and if he ended up having an early grave because of her then Lucy very well may have ended her own life with him.

"Luc-uuuh, Anna!"

Lucy jumped at the sound of Loke's frantic voice, returning to the present concern on Stephanie's face and the jealous faces of customers eyeing her free food. Ignoring the woman's curious eyes, she scanned the crowd for her companion. Even with her short stature, Loke's mane like hair stuck out above the dull browns and pale blondes roaming the town.

"Loke!" Lucy called out, waving over her spirit after he spotted her.

Soon a suited figure was trotting up the road until he stood next to the cloaked figure that was a disguised Fairy Tail Wizard who was speaking to a... "Wow, hello Pretty Lady."

When Loke added a wink and smirk to his face, Lucy slapped his shoulder with a glare, "Shut it!"

Stephanie giggled at him with amusement, "Nice to meet you, Loke. I was just gifting some food to Anna. I hope it can tide you two over for a few days!"

"I appreciate your hospitality Miss!" Loke offered before gesturing to Lucy, "As does my friend here."

Lucy hadn't much of a fight anymore, and instead of refusing the gifts she gave a flat smile that she hoped showed gratitude. Her mood was at an all time low, and she felt awful for accepted food she didn't pay for, but she accepted it nonetheless. Loke finished up her conversation with Stephanie and guided them both away from the busy street and towards the forested trails. Loke retrieved the satchel from her arms and secured it along his back.

Under the protection of the trees once more, Lucy's racing heart began to calm. The passing voices diminished into chirping birds and dirt crunching under their shoes, which Lucy was grateful for.

She used to love shopping, but now all of the people just put her on edge.

"You kind of freaked out back there, didn't you?" Loke questioned in a soft voice.

Lucy didn't respond, she had nothing to say. She couldn't find any way to lie to her spirit because he already knew the answer. He felt her mental degradation, there was no use trying to hide it. But that didn't mean she had to talk about it, she wasn't ready to. The only thing she could do was apologize.

Apologize for causing her spirits to worry so much, for making them babysit her and watch her like a wounded animal. For treating them like crutches instead of the powerful spirits they are. For keeping Loke from the spirit realm and out in the real world. He was away from his friends and real life, and using his own power to be here. He was probably in pain, all because of her.

"Lucy, stop," Loke stopped his walk, causing Lucy to halt beside him, "You can't keep thinking like this."

Lucy refused to meet his gaze, instead she stared at the ground. She glared to herself, in horror and disgust, "I'm going to kill you if you stay out here too long."

Loke sighed, "Seriously? You're still worried about that?" Loke turned to her and leaned further into her personal space, "I was out here for three years Lucy, a week isn't going to kill me."

"But it hurts you, Loke!" Lucy shouted with tearful eyes as she faced him making the lion spirit recoil, "I'm going to kill you!"

"No," he argued with a much compassion in his voice as he could muster, "_You _aren't going to kill me, because _I _am in control of me being here right now."

Lucy stubbornly crossed her arms and turned away, "You know what I mean."

"I know," He said with a playful smile, "but you're wrong. We all love you and care for you. I go back to the spirit world long enough to maintain my form and strength out here. There's no reason for me to return back any longer than that."

Loke pulled the satchel off his back, reaching in to grab two muffins that sat along the top of the packed food and handed one to Lucy, "Here, you need to eat."

Lucy wordlessly grabbed the food and absentmindedly ate as they resumed walking towards their destination. Loke kept up a stream of conversation if only to fill the empty silence, and Lucy listened with a few hums of acknowledgment every now and then. She may not be participating much in the conversation, but the normalcy of the whole thing was… comforting.

Their walk continued for a few hours, making small talk about the different trees and bushes and whether they were poisonous or not. Loke had taken the time to inform Lucy that tents in Carbume were rather expensive, which prompted Lucy to remind Loke that he was, in fact, walking around in a suit. And if you're wearing a suit, you're probably rich, which in turn means people try to up their prices.

"So, tents aren't supposed to cost 40,000 jewel!?" Loke shouted in surprise as he nearly tripped on a large rock that seemed to be strategically planted to purposely attack roaming campers.

Lucy felt a laugh bubbling up in her chest, but it wouldn't rise past her throat, "No, maybe 5,000 at the most."

Loke scoffed with betrayal plastered on his face, "I even flirted with the owner! She loved me!" he buried his face into his hands with a mock cry," Oh Margaret, how could you do this to me?!"

"Seriously?" Lucy deadpanned before shaking away her dismay at her spirit, "Anyways, we may need to find you some new clothes if you continue to refuse to go back to the spirit world."

"Hey, I said I'd go back when necessary," Loke defended with an accusing hand pointed towards Lucy, "It just so happens that I don't need to be there any longer than a few minutes in order for me to regain my strength!"

She could feel her annoyance creeping back up, which usually led to her and Loke having another intensive argument which she never seemed to win. Rather than continuing to bicker with him, Lucy dropped the conversation in favor of a far more appropriate one, "Hey, I think we're getting close."

"You're right," Loke agreed, "Do you think you're ready?"

Lucy nodded as she raised her hood, keeping her head straight as the forest seemed to drop in temperature. The sun was still out but the dark clouds covering the orange sky mixed with the bustling tree tops created enough shade to classify as near darkness. They were approaching the warehouse her and her team were just at only a week ago. Her hands were jittery as she tapped her finger tips together methodically.

She hadn't fully prepared, though she wasn't sure how much she could actually prepare herself in the first place. Time wasn't a liberty she could take at the moment, not with a rampaging dark wizard threatening people's lives hiding out in the woods. Not when Jonathon Barsoni got to ruin her life and run away like a coward.

Both of them had fallen into an uneasy silence as the top of the warhouse peaked out between the leaves. Lucy could see the clearing where she had her battle, it was only a few yards away. The damaged building was coming into view between the branches. Grays ice was cold and steady as it was coating the holes and piping sticking out of the charred walls that Natsu burned black.

She was sure on the back side she would find chunks of the building flung into the forest from Wendy's breath attack and large punctures in the metal plating from Erza's swords. She could enter the inside and find abandoned weapons scattered among the floors from wizards who tried to escape to safety.

The brunette had stopped in place, only a few feet from the clearing where she battled five dark wizards alone. Four lackys and one evil Son of a Bitch who was still roaming free.

The blood was still there, she knew it was. If Gray's ice was still here, Natsu's crime scene was too.

"Lucy, you don't have to do this," Loke reached a hand for her shoulder only to be shrugged away.

Her face was stoic and void of tears, almost completely emotionless. Aside from the quickening tapping from her fingers, she looked… calm and collected. Yet Loke knew she was anything but; she continued to shoulder the blame and doubt her abilities even when all evidence said otherwise. But a facade might be what she needed to get through this, at least enough to convince herself she was capable of taking on such a daunting task.

Loke had faith in her, as did every spirit contracted to her, every wizard she'd fought alongside with, and every innocent person she'd rescued. She just didn't have faith in herself.

With one last deep breath, Lucy was stepping out of the shadows and into a dried puddle of blood. Had it really happened so close to the bushes?

The stain was larger than she remembered, and much darker. She could see the skid mark from where she'd dragged him across the grass, which only helped him distribute more of the thick substance across the ground.

She can almost see him, limp and helpless. The smell of burnt flesh invaded her nose, which still eludes her. Natsu is a Fire Dragon Slayer, so he can't burn. At Least that's what she always believed. But this magic isn't fire, and can be just as deadly as a flame.

Can a person even lose this much blood without dying?

"Lucy," Loke shook her arm, making her come to the realization she was staring at the scene for far longer than intended.

The brunette tore her eyes from below, immediately leaving the horror that would probably haunt her dreams for the next few nights, and slowly walked over to her discarded whip lying on the floor. In their scurry to get Natsu back to the guild hall, she had forgotten all about her handy weapon. The handle was cool in her palms and speckled with the mornings dew. With her weapon secured to her hip once more, she felt another piece of her missing puzzle fall into place. Another thing was right in the world.

"He's probably around here somewhere," Lucy murmured, Loke standing guard behind her.

"Leave it to a bad guy to be uninteresting and predictable, staying by your home base even after it's been ransacked," Loke shook his head in disappointment.

"I don't care, it makes my job easier," Lucy shrugged, motioning for Loke to follow her along the sides of the destroyed building.

Both had their backs to the walls as they shimmied across the small field, barely avoiding creaking burned wooden pillars or clinking metal against metal in the process.

"You know," Loke softly grunted in order to avoid making any noise to spook their target, "Natsu wouldn't like this, he always looks for a challenge."

Loke barely had time to stop before he ran face first into Lucy's hooded skull. The impact made him silently curse in pain as he rubbed his nose before silently shouting, "What the hell?! What happened?!"

Then he noticed the tremble in her shoulders and her scrunched nose as she tried to hold in either a few tears or a scream of terror.

"Don't," She growled in a low and threatening voice, "Don't talk about him."

It didn't take long for Loke to get the not so subtle hint, "Got it."

Talk of Natsu was off limits.

Lucy took a few deep breaths to collect herself before her focus was back on track. She had wanted to secure the safety of the building, because knowing Fairy Tail they could have left it on it's last leg for someone to come along and wind up being crushed by a severed beam. By the looks of it, the structure was still intact and likely to survive a few harsh rainstorms. It might be wise to offer some money and volunteer time to fix this place up so it doesn't wind up in the hands of another dark guild.

Maybe a magic library, so the townspeople could learn some magic to defend themselves.

With the warehouse checked over, Lucy led Loke south through the forest to search the surrounding areas. Once out of the clearing, she swiftly sprinted over tree stumps and around bushes with Loke easily keeping up behind her. The past week she felt severe pain if she tried walking, let alone running. To have free movement once again was liberating.

Her internal map was generally on point, and after 10 minutes they slowed to a stop. The sun was beginning to set, making the bright fire in the distance stand out. The smoke cloud was dwindling further into the trees, masking the scent of pine with ash. Aside from the large fire, Lucy couldn't see a thing.

"Are you sure that's him," Loke whispered, "and not a random innocent camper?"

Lucy nodded, "It has to be, it's too close to the warehouse for anyone to be comfortable camping here."

"This guy ain't smart," He crossed his arms as he began poking fun at the man, "Making a fire in the middle of the night is like creating a beacon to be found."

A beacon?

"Do you think he did it on purpose?" Lucy asked suddenly.

Loke was caught off guard by her sudden worry, "Uh, well… I don't know."

"The answer would be yes."

A dark husky voice startled the two wandering wizards. Lucy whipped her body around to face the same man who haunted her nightmares every night. His greasy black hair and overgrown beard framed his grungy face and menacing smile. His clothes were torn and stained with mud and dirt, and his fingernails were coated black from likely digging through bushes for food. Having no place to call home and no guildmates to have your back must have taken him by surprise when it came to daily necessities.

"Looks like you've been struggling out here alone, Jonathon," Lucy tried her hardest to sound threatening, which Loke could agree she was succeeding at, "With a guild nearly destroyed and a town that despises you, I'm surprised you've lasted this long alone."

"Wow, the little lady knows my name!" He laughed with a confidence Lucy couldn't match, "So I suppose you know the rest of my history as well?"

"We know enough," Loke answered for her with his own harsh tone.

"Then you know I like to have fun with my victims," Heavy footsteps slowly approached the girl, only to stop just short of a foot away when Loke stepped between them, "And you just happened to interrupt my attempt at finding my next one. Why don't you step up to the plate and take the role on yourself?"

"How about you keep your distance." Loke sneered as his stance turned defensive.

Jonathon ignored Loke, keeping his intense gaze on Lucy, "Did you know I took out that little guild that Carbume was relying on to stop Valcona? Fairy Tail ran away with their tails tucked between their legs!"

His cackling laughter was intimidatingly loud. Lucy cringed as drops of spit landed on her cheek but she refused to back away from this lunatic. Even if his words cracked through her resolve, she needed to be strong if she was going to bring him to justice.

For Natsu's sake.

"You know, you remind me of that girl," Jonathon tried to lean closer but was met with Loke's shoulder shrugging him back and harsh glare, "Lucy Heartfilia, Fairy Tail's celestial spirit mage. She's probably dead by now, right next to her pink haired boyfriend. The Salamander."

"What makes you so sure they're dead?" She challenged, earning another terrifying show of teeth from her enemy.

"Because that's what I do, Sweet Heart!" His hands were thrown behind him to cradle the back of his neck, "No one crosses me and lives. My magic makes sure of that. They're deaths will be in the paper soon."

"You're real cocky," Loke shot back, "You think Natsu and Lucy can be taken down so easily?"

"It only took one hit!" Jonathon removed his hands from his neck and threw them up in the air in celebration, "That damned Dragon Slayer has caused so many dark guild grief, and I took him down in one hit! And the girl had the honor of giving me the power to kill him!"

He twirled around, landing face forward and leaning towards the brunette in open mockery of her. He didn't see her as a threat, "Tartoros should be begging for me to join their ranks! I killed Natsu Dragneel!"

Hearing the insults drip from his lips caused something to snap in the brunette. She could have been classified as broken, distraught, and traumatized, but now she was furious. Every inch of her body was itching to punish the poor excuse for a human being in front of her. There was fire coursing through her veins and for a second she wondered if this was how Natsu felt when his power exceeded even his own emotions. She was burning from the inside out with pain, anger and the need for revenge.

Lucy gripped her hand around her whip handle. She allowed him to brag on for a second before her whip came cracking down on his head, surprising both Loke and Jonathon. It only took Loke half a second to jump into action with her by launching his Regulus beam into Jonathons chest

He stumbled backwards and nearly fell into the bushes behind him. He wiped a line of spit that dribbled down his chin with a curse, "Oh so now we're gettin' down to business."

Lucy could tell by his stance what his plan was, it was helpful that she'd fought him once before. Before his arm could raise above his hips, her whip was encased around his forearm and she was flinging him over the treetops. He landed 20 feet back and before he had a chance to get back up, Loke and Lucy were splitting up to. They each took to one side making the dark wizard panic for a moment over who he should be more worried about killing first.

After deducing that the orange haired guy was likely the most dangerous he turned to his right to face the man head on. He grinned as he watched the suited man run to his doom without a clue. As he got closer a dark light engulfed Jonathons body. Though the light itself was dark, it still illuminated the area around them. It made watching his victims suffer so much easier.

The girl's partner was only five feet away when he fired at him. A string of light shot towards the man, but to Jonathan's surprise he didn't seem fazed. If anything, he seemed relieved. Something here wasn't right.

When Jonathan's light was sucked into a ring on the man's finger was when the confidence he felt began to drain away. None of his attack landed on his skin, "Impossible…"

"Surprised?" The girl appeared behind him.

He tried his hardest to not let his fear be shown by masking it behind his cocky front, "You think a measly ring will stop me?"

Now it was Lucy's turn to laugh at his grasps for control, "By all means, try breaking it."

Her taunting worked in her favor as Jonathon seethed in between the two wizards. In a desperate attempt to gain the upper hand, he blasted a larger string of light at Loke. Every bit of it was sucked away and encased atop his finger. After a third attempt, large drops of sweat were rolling against the whip mark left on his forehead. His hands were shaking and his legs were weak. It was obvious he'd exerted a large amount of power, much like he did with Natsu. He'd already used up his magic supply.

When Lucy cracked her whip along his back, he fell forward. He barely caught himself with his hands when Lucy was beside him pressing the end of her whip handle along the jagged cut across his back. He hissed in pain and felt his knees give out behind him. Her hand was replaced with her foot keeping him in place.

"Isn't it true that the power you possess costs too much magic energy for you to attack someone head on without taking some from someone else?" Lucy more so stated than asked the paling figure beneath her, "Is that why you attack defenseless people? To steal their magic to fuel your own and leave them to die?"

"I ain't tellin' you shit!" Jonathon spat out with a trail of blood sliding down his face.

"Where'd that cocky attitude go?!" Loke grinned from beside Lucy, "Are you embarrassed you got schooled?"

"I'll show you," Jonahton growled as he let his last bout of dark magic seep out from his hands and caress the skin of Lucy's shin. He knew he likely didn't have enough power to extract any of hers, if she even had any of her own, but at the very least he'd cause a bit of agony to these two. Even with such a small fraction of his magic, he had expected to hear her gasp or scream in pain, though he heard nothing.

He glanced at the suited man to see if he had interfered yet again, but he was only looking at her in concern. The ring that stole his magic laid still on his fingers, meaning his magic must have reached the girl, but…" Why the fuck aren't you reacting?!"

Lucy had grown accustomed to this pain after having to live with it for a week. This was only the beginning, nothing like the pain she experienced towards the tail end of her injury. The magic dissipated as the man beneath her used what was remaining of his magic energy. With him unable to fight back, she used her whip to restrain his hands before handing him over to Loke. Loke forced Jonathon to walk forward, "Let's go see your buddies in prison."

At first he tried to fight back, if only to keep his reputation in tact. But that was hard when all of his empty threats fell through. Eventually he resided to glaring at the ground with Loke humming embarrassing tunes behind him, "Would you cut that out? It's annoying."

Loke shoved him forwards with his own cocky grin, "You're not in a position to make demands, Mister."

* * *

The magic council was easy enough to contact, and they were there to retrieve the convict moments after being summoned. Ah, the perks of a transportation wizard.

Lucy had hidden herself behind a few trees during their encounter. Shortly after beginning to apply Aphrosilias lotion to her lower legs, sprinkles of rain droplets landed on her nose. She didn't have the energy to be annoyed, in fact she found herself calmed by the cool water beginning to lightly sprinkle on her face.

Loke met with the council a mile away from where Lucy was hiding. He explained he came to take down the last member of Valcona after the Fairy Tail team contracted to defeat them was unable to complete the job. Along with the captured criminal, Loke turned over his extra ring he had obtained from the spirit world entirely for this mission. He explained the ring had captured the magic he was using to kill people, handing it over to them as evidence.

The council members were surprisingly less hostile than they have been in the past. Instead of ridiculing them for being reckless or taking too long, they were offering their condolences, "I'm sorry about your friend, Miss Heartfilia. It's a shame she went missing, hopefully you guys can find her soon."

Loke awkwardly thanked them as they left, staying put until the council members disappeared. When he returned to Lucy, she was staring at the ground in a daze with her fingers rubbing her legs. He spent time filling her in on his encounter with the council, letting her process the words he was giving, "They're looking for me."

Loke nodded softly, "Yeah, they are."

He decided not to interfere with her thought process, even if he wanted her to return to Fairy Tail. He would always follow her, her whims, and her desires. Whether he liked them or not, because he trusted her. If this was what she needed, then he would support her.

"They didn't talk about Natsu," She mumbled distantly.

Surprised that she brought up the Dragon Slayer, Loke blinked before collecting his thoughts, "That means he's alive. They would probably have apologized for my loss or something if he wasn't."

Lucy licked her lips as she continuously bobbed her head and twitched her eyes around the ground, "Yeah… he's okay."

Without warning, Lucy contained her momentary emotional outburst and stood. Loke wobbled up from the ground while dusting his suit jacket, "Man, I really need a change of clothes."

Lucy mumbled an agreement as she started her path towards the town once more. Loke walked beside her with a few glances here and there. She was closed off again, much to his displeasure. He could tell she was burying her sadness beneath a mask still.

When they arrived in town, they found a small town house dedicated to the mayor's office. Once news of Jonathon Barsoni's arrest hit town, Lucy and Loke were rewarded handsomely. Lucy tried to turn down the payment, but the mayor insisted she take it. After much deliberation, she accepted gratefully. Before leaving town, Loke bought a change of clothes: a simple black hoodie and some blue a less wealthy looking outfit, he was able to purchase a normal costing tent.

Lucy made sure to stop by Stephanie's home and left a gracious amount of money in her mailbox as a thank you for offering her food. Even without knowing each other, her generosity touched Lucy's heart.

As they departed the busy town, it was around midnight. Lucy still had one more place she wanted to visit, and Loke had no intention of denying her the right to visit. They arrived at the homey looking cabin, feeling lighter that they left. With Jonathan in prison, there was something accomplished. Lucy felt like she was able to face Aphrosilia once more after having completed her job.

After knocking it didn't take long for the black haired woman to open the door and squeal in delight at the brunette, "Lucy! You're back!"

Lucy smiled as she was pulled into a hug, and Loke was yanked in shortly after, "I'm guessing you defeated Jonathon Barsoni?!"

Lucy pulled away with a nod, "Yup, he's with the magic council."

Loke grinned at Aphrosilia with a sparkle, "Yours Truly handed him over!"

Lucy rolled her eyes playfully as Aphrosilia giggled along with his flirtatious attitude, "How'd you do it?"

"Well Lucy led us to where we had heard he was hiding," Loke began, "Our plan was for me to wear an empty lacrima ring to trap his magic in when he used it until he lost magic power."

Loke continued to recount each moment to the woman who was listening to every syllable intently. Some parts he talked up more than they were, which Lucy made sure to interrupt and speak the truth, but for the most part everything was intact. Aphrosilia was thrilled to learn the entire Valcona guild was brought to justice, "Thank you both and your team for saving Carbume."

Lucy lit up at the mention of her team, which caught Loke by surprise. Usually the mention of them brought her into a depression or a panic, but to see a positive emotion cross her face gave him hope for recovery.

"I almost forgot," Lucy began in a rushed voice, "Do you have any envelopes? I need to mail something!"

"Of course!" Aphrosilia said happily as she skipped away further into her home, "One second!"

"What do you need to mail?" Loke questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Erza, Gray, Wendy, and Natsu helped with that job," Lucy stared at the ground with an emotion Loke couldn't place, "They deserve some of the reward."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow am I glad to have this finished lol. My month has been wild and this chapter has been the death of me. I'm currently job hunting and every time I sat down to write I felt huge writers block and couldn't justify time away from searching for jobs. I had the hardest time writing the transitions between scenes in Lucy's part, and I'm not sure if I pulled off the mini fight scene very well. I wanted a mixture of Lucy being a pissed off badass and also Loke being a protective spirit. Lucy is gonna start real training soon, and Natsu is going to find his first clue as to where Lucy is. After that I want more of Lucy entering battles and learning new techniques. Thank you all for the continued support, and I'm sorry this took so long! I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> EDIT: Thank you to Lady Of The Sphinx for telling me about the miss-spelling of Jonathon at the end! All fixed now!
> 
> My Socials:  
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	6. A New Route

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsu sets off in the direction of his first clue and Lucy gets a visit from someone she isn't too excited to talk to.

Waking up held nothing comforting for Natsu, if anything it made his frustration consume him until his mind was an anxious mess. The hunt for Lucy produced nothing, and the research done in the books only helped fuel his fear. They were able to narrow down their suspects to the one and only Jonathon Barsoni, someone Natsu now wished he burned to ash when he had the chance.

His magic was deadly, deadly enough that Natsu would have died had Wendy not been there to nurse him back from the brink of eternal sleep. Enough that it left wizards suffering in agony until their dying breath, burning their skin from the inside out. It was a slow and painful death that left the corpses molten and decayed.

They knew Natsu and Lucy had faced this man, alone. His magic is what nearly sent Natsu into the after realm, leaving his back an open oozing wound.

There's no way Lucy wasn't affected, and that scared the shit out of him.

Levy had assured him as she tried to hold back her sobs, that Lucy was fine. She would have gotten help. She's not stubborn enough to deny medical attention, and her spirits aren't naive enough to let her avoid it either.

But no one really knew. Whether she was okay or if she was huddled into herself begging for the pain to stop. Jonathon Barsoni's magic is a lost, forbidden magic that even the history books can't give them all of the details. Without knowing exactly how his magic was used on Lucy, they can only assume based on what they know. It was most likely slow acting, which meant she would have had enough time to get help if she had any sense to do so.

Natsu had left the guild hall for the first time since he woke up. He couldn't handle them telling him everything was fine, couldn't handle the lies. He couldn't look Gray in the face without wanting to punch his teeth in. He couldn't watch Wendy break down into tears or listen to Gajeel telling him to man up. Erza's voice began to feel like poison in his ears, her firm but soft words of encouragement and orders filtering through his mind only to anger him further.

He needed space, needed to think about what this meant. He needed to realize he was helplessly lost and had nothing to bring him to the love of his life.

That was another revelation that seemed to hit him from behind, and god damn did love do some harsh things to your mind in a time of crisis. He found himself thinking back with regret, why hadn't he told her how much she meant to him when he had the chance? Why didn't he hold her hand or hug her from behind? Why wasn't he there for her when she was fighting five powerful wizards on her own?

He slept fitfully that night, his mind plagued with nightmares and raging fears.

The morning wasn't any better. The chirping birds seemed to mock him in his misery, and the empty house screamed at him for his failures. He should be breaking through Lucy's window, scaring the daylights out of her and dragging her on a new job to pay her rent. Happy should be soaring above him as the winds drag him towards their destination. Gray and Erza should be tagging along to form their insanely powerful team that made every job 10 times more fun. They should be laughing, smiling, joking around…

But instead Natsu is grasping at his hair and he leans against his bedroom door, cursing the world and everyone in it for dragging the love of his life away from him.

He had planned on avoiding the guild today, because he was on the edge of insanity and if he had to hear another word of pity or hopeful ignorance he was going to explode. He knew things looked bleak, that Lucy was probably suffering right now, and he couldn't stand to hear people trying to convince him that she was fine.

She was anything but fine and they all knew it.

His morning was planned to involve an in depth walk around Magnolia and heavy interrogation of Lucy's landlord. Then he would scout the outskirts of town and see if he can pick up any scents that seemed off. Maybe he could visit some of the sketchy wagon shops hidden in the woods that wizards usually avoided, he could try to find an unsavory form of magic item that could help him find her.

He knew it was highly illegal and bound to land him in prison, but he was beginning to feel helpless, and with the possibility of Lucy dying because he was too late… He was willing to take the risk.

The only things stopping him from doing it was Lucy's good nature and the fact that Fairy Tail would suffer the backlash if his choice was made public.

But god was it tempting.

There was a pounding knock on his door, causing Natsu to nearly rip his hair out in frustration as he sat against his living room wall, "_Natsu_!" It was Erza, with her booming authority that Natsu usually wouldn't dare disobey, but he's feeling just a _bit _defiant right now, "You need to open the door this instant! It's important!"

"Important?" His voice came out sharp and breathy, as if he was trying to suck in enough energy to fuel the anger that was simmering to a boil, "If it's not about Lucy, I don't wanna hear it, Erza."

"_Open this door or I'll be forced to demolish it_."

With an agitated groan, he relented. When he swung open the door with a bit too much force, Erza's wide eyes met his fierce gaze. The red head was clutching a large envelope in her hands enough to crease the white stationary with her grip. He was heaving heavy breathes, which Natsu had a hard time believing was from running the measly 3 miles from the guild because Erza has always been the peak of fitness.

"Why do you look like you ran a marathon?" Natsu lowered his voice down, straining to keep his temper at bay, "You don't sound this out of breath from just running."

Erza avoided the questions, instead shoving the envelope into Natsu's chest, "Open this."

"Erza, what the fu-" He began before Erza interrupted him with a growl.

"Just open it Natsu!"

The dragon slayer shot her a glare, but still turned over the heavy envelope in his hands.

_To: Fairy Tail_

_From: Aphrosilia Burclire_

The seal had already been opened, which gave Natsu easy access to the contents laying within. He peered inside and was surprised to find the reason for the heavyweight being a large amount of jewel settled at the bottom of the envelope.

"Money?" Natsu asked in confusion before noticing the white slip of paper folded beside it. He pulled out the paper, setting the package of money to lean against his doorframe. He glanced at Erza, hoping to find something to explain her silence but she was only staring at him with an unreadable expression. She nodded ahead, encouraging him to read the words hidden behind the folded paper.

* * *

** _Dear Team Natsu,_ **

_I hope you find yourself doing well. I wish to inform you that the job in Carbume that had yet to be completed has been taken care of. I have sent an equal portion of the reward for Gray, Erza, Wendy, Carla, Happy, and Natsu in compensation for your part in the quest. You will find your earning in the envelope, please be sure to split it as you desire. Take care._

** _Lucy Heartfilia_ **

* * *

"She's alive," Natsu rasped, tears of relief threatening to spill past the rims of his eyelids, "She's alive _and _well enough to finish that job."

"She had to have faced Jonathon Barsoni again," Erza speculated, "And she probably did it on her own. That takes skill."

"She's strong," Natsu reminded as he wiped his eyes, "And she has her spirits, she's not alone."

"You're right," She nodded, "I'm sure we're safe to assume she was either unaffected by his magic or that she found reprieve by visiting a healer of sorts. You were right to have faith in her."

"I still need to find her," Natsu stressed as he delicately held the note between his fingers, "We need to fix this."

"Look at the envelope again," Erza offered. Natsu eyed her curiously for a moment, trying to process what the red head was insinuating, until his eyes widened in realization. He snatched the envelope from the ground and quickly flipped it over to the side to see the return address:

_Carbume, Fiore_

"I have an address," He whispered in disbelief, slowly raising his head to see Erza looking at him expectantly, "I have a _clue_."

"If you leave right now, you might be able to catch her, or atleast find out where she went," Erza urged with a soft voice usually reserved for intimate moments, "Go, bring her home."

She didn't have to tell him twice.

* * *

The next stop for Lucy was Crocus, a rather large town that Lucy usually associated with Fairy Tail, with their win at the Grand Magic Games having been broadcasted from these very streets. She hadn't been more grateful for her and Loke's disguises until she was walking side by side with the townspeople who would more than likely recognize them instantly had they looked like their normal selves. There were still advertisements, posters, and window signs using Fairy Tail as a way to promote themselves.

Natsu's face was plastered all over the place, some restaurants bragging that he ate there and some even boasting about how he had ruined a table that they kept to put on display. It was simultaneously hilarious and heartbreaking to see his smiling face on a cardboard cut out next to charred furniture.

She avoided the landmarks that brought her a large bout of nostalgia, like the arena that the town seemed to worship, the town circle, the castle gardens, or the hotel they had stayed in during their competition. It caused more pain than a happiness for reminiscing.

Loke had accompanied her as usual, trying his best to offer an uplifting conversation. He carefully danced around anything related to the guild, which she felt slightly guilty for, but her appreciation for him overpowered it.

They had arrived in the afternoon, sometime around 2, and immediately set out to find some supplies and a magic shop. Loke was in charge of purchasing a refill for their first aid kit and some water and more substantial food. Stephanie's pastries were amazing, but they also needed nutrients.

Lucy had headed towards one of the large magic shops, which wasn't hard to find at all considering the town used magic like an everyday necessity. It was one of the largests ones she's ever entered, immediately being overwhelmed with all the choices of magical education they had to offer.

She had spoken to Loke during their adventure about her idea to learn some spells outside of Celestial Magic. He was surprisingly extremely supportive, even giving her some suggestions. She debated between learning more incantations, some type of elemental magic, or even script magic like Levy. Incantations were always a safe bet, and script magic could be useful in certain situations, but elemental magic was something that took time and dedication. While she could definitely pick it up fast and practice hard, it would take years before she would be on-par with the other elemental wizards her age.

So that left the decision up to her, and she was inclined to continue learning incantations, but as she was scouring the books, she noticed a section of tombs covering The Art of Rune Casting. She knew better than anymore just how lethal a good rune spell could tip a battle in your favor. She experienced it first hand when Laxus and The Thunder Legion declared war on Fairy Tail just a few months into her joining the guild. Freed's runes were a devastation, and any team would benefit from having that type of magic under your belt.

She left the shop carrying two books: _The Beginners Collection on Ruin Casting _and _A Collection of Celestial Incantations_.

Her and Loke met back up shortly after, both packed up with their purchases. He approached her with a nonchalant and a toned down attitude, much different from his usual flirtatiousness, to avoid bringing any attention to themselves. He steered her away from the busy streets, choosing to stay by the edge of the crowds. Lucy followed blindly as Loke led the way.

"I talked to Aquarius," Loke forced out in a hushed tone, keeping his gaze in front of him as they dodged the people going the opposite way "She wants to talk to you."

Lucy stiffened, but tried to keep her face neutral,"You did?"

"Yeah, she was pulling on my connection to the spirit realm all morning, I checked in after you went to the magic shop to see what she wanted."

Lucy nodded with a grim smile, she knew this was going to happen eventually, and there was no point delaying the inevitable, "Okay, we'll have to find a secure place. With water."

Loke uttered an agreement, "There's probably a few ponds or small lakes further in the forest, we can go there."

Lucy mumbled her acceptance, allowing the lion spirit to guide them towards the edge of town. Her pouch of keys jingled in by her hip, which only reminded her of what she was about to do. She was going to be summoning Aquarius, her most stubborn spirit who's emotional state was comparable to a hurricane on her good days.

It was something she had been avoiding for a while. Obviously it was an immature, childish decision on her part. One that might make her already ruthless spirit despise her even more than she already did. But she couldn't bring herself to face the powerful zodiac key.

Aquarius was something of a role model to Lucy growing up, and the brunette could already see the disappointment and disgust she'll find on the spirit's face. But Lucy deserved every insult she may hurrell her way, for being useless to her team. For being too weak to carry her weight. For selfishly leaving behind her family and being too scared to return. She was a disgrace of a wizard, because not only was she currently running away from her guild because of her own failures, but she was also neglecting her spirit because she was too cowardly to face her.

She was a sorry excuse for a human, let alone a wizard and key holder.

The tree line came into view rather quickly, and luckily Loke hadn't been expecting Lucy to keep up any conversation. Her internal thoughts were beating down her calm aura, and she knew Loke could sense it if the grimace he was sporting said anything. But he remained silent, allowing her time to prepare herself for the upcoming confrontation.

They delved deeper into the forest until the bustling town was a distant murmur and the tree tops began shading their path. They wandered aimlessly until an open body of water could be seen between the bases of the trees. It was about a mile away, if Lucy could estimate, but she found herself rooted to the ground. Loke paused a few feet ahead of her, turning to offer Lucy a concerned look.

"I can't do this, Loke," Lucy didn't look him in the eyes, instead her gaze was glued to the glistening water beckoning them closer to her doom. Her chest was pounding into her brain, warning her of exactly how bad an idea it was to be here. There was a shiver wracking her body and jolting her bones. She tried to pull her long sleeves over her fingers to offer herself some kind of comfort, but nothing was easing her trembling limbs or her roaring heart.

_She couldn't do this._

"Yes you can," Loke said softly, appearing closer than Lucy remembered him being seconds ago, "I think this is going to go better than you think it is."

"No," Lucy choked out, her sight never wavering from the light bouncing on the water, "She hates me. She's going to demand I terminate our contract, or just kill me herself here and now. I know I deserve it but… I _can't_. I just can't."

A fog settled over her eyes, blurring the forest enough to force her to blink away the tears that began to fall over her cheeks. Wasn't it selfish? To force Aquarius to stay in the spirit realm just so she couldn't leave? So she couldn't tell Lucy she was a worthless human being undeserving of her service? It would be heartbreaking, devastatingly awful for Lucy first spirit to leave her after so many years together. And it was terribly selfish of her to try to prevent it for as long as possible.

They always had a rocky relationship, but this is going to be a breaking point.

"Lucy, please stop thinking whatever you're thinking," Loke pleaded, trying to gather her attention from the nightmare she was imagining in her mind, "I know you're scared, but I promise you everything is going to be okay. She's not mad at you."

"Not mad?" Lucy mumbled, "That impossible, do you even hear yourself? I don't think I've ever spoken to her without a hint of irritation in her voice."

Loke paled at her statement, but continued either way, "Yeah, she's difficult. But I think you'll be surprised this time. Please, trust me. She needs to talk to you."

_Trust._

She did trust in her spirits, just like she expected to earn their trust back. Trust was such a major role in their magical relationship, in their friendship. It was the backbone of her entire magical existence. Celestial magic was constructed off of trust and used it to create meaningful bonds. Without it, every mission would be a gamble, whether a spirit would actually come through the gate when summoned or if they would come to your aid without being called just to protect you. Without knowing if you're actually able to defend yourself or not because _your celestial keys decided to be finicky today_ could result in the worst case scenario

So she needed to _woman-up_ so to speak. She knew Loke wouldn't put her in danger, and this isn't something she can ignore. It was her responsibility as a Celestial Wizard and has been since she got her first key to take care of her spirits. Avoiding one because of her own cowardice was cruel of her.

"I trust you," Lucy stated firmly, finally giving a meaningful look to the lion spirit who softened his concern, "I need to do this."

Loke nodded, turning back towards the water, "I can stay if you want, but I think it might be better to have this talk privately."

She was still terrified, but she was also determined to do what she needed to, "It's okay, if I need you I'll summon you."

Loke side eyed her, noticing her still shaking hands and fidgeting fingers. Her bottom lip was red as she bit down on it between her teeth and she looked like she was beginning to nervously sweat. But she was no longer crying, she was doing this. He knew the look in her eye, the stubbornness that he both loved and hated.

"Okay, but as soon as you guys are done I'll come back out."

Lucy accepted, and Loke disappeared with a flash of light, leaving Lucy alone for the first time since she departed from Magnolia. It felt strange, like a layer of protection was stripped from her in an instant. She had become accustomed to Loke's constant presence, and she was growing increasingly uncomfortable with the emptiness.

She decided very quickly that she hated the feeling of being alone, and her mind was begging her to bring Loke back to her side. To fill the space he left. She felt like a child, begging for her father to comfort her after her mom passed. But she had a task, and she needed to take care of it before anything else. She began running towards the water, if only so she could summon Aquarius faster so she won't be alone any longer.

As she grew closer, she noticed the glint from earlier was present again, except it wasn't caused by the light reflecting itself off the dancing waters. As she passed the trees to arrive at the edge of the pond, Aquarius was already there, waiting for Lucy hovering above the water. Her blue hair hung graciously over her body, cascading like waves towards the waters below.

Lucy hadn't seen her in quite some time, months maybe? She only ever called her out if necessary, and lately her missions haven't had an open source of water she could use. So the sight of her spirit having passed through the gate, and waiting for her without being summoned, was confusing.

"You're already here?" Lucy raised her gaze to meet the spirit.

She was expecting to see a snarl emanating hatred. Maybe a dark aura of discontent or a horrifying shriek of anger. But she was met with the same pouty face and criss-crossed arms Aquarius was known for, but with a hint of fear in her posture.

It was bewildering.

"Well, you don't need to waste your magic power just after getting it back. I'm strong enough to hold my form here for the time being," The spirit offered, stubbornly refusing to make eye contact with the brunette, "What did you do to your hair?"

It wasn't asked nicely, but it seemed more like an awkward exchange than one of disgust. They were like immature school girls seeing each other for the first time since one had betrayed the other and now had to face their friend.

Was this seriously the same Aquarius that had threatened to drown her for summoning her in a cup?

"Um, I cut it," Lucy pulled at the ends of her hair, suddenly self conscious over the locks she hadn't cared about since she left. It wasn't abnormal for this particular spirit to insult her fashion choice or hair care but she didn't necessarily have a choice in this change. It was either change her entire appearance or be recognized in every town.

"It doesn't look too bad."

At that, Lucy had to shake her head. Clear out the gunk causing the words to filter through her brain because _did Aquarius seriously just compliment her?_

"Uh," Lucy began, letting the awkward air linger between them.

She couldn't even call this interaction menacing or threatening, or even a danger to her mental health like she had been expecting. Aquarius was being abnormally nice, or attempting to be. It was _weird_.

"Okay this is so weird," Aquarius finally snapped, dropping her kind facade to look at Lucy with a determined glare, "I'm sorry, okay?"

Lucy had to take some time to reboot her entire existence, because, "_What?_"

Aquarius growled in annoyance before letting her words flow from her mouth without a second thought, "I'm sorry I stopped the other spirits from helping without your summons. If I let them travel to earth land without you calling them you wouldn't be in this situation right now."

"You're… sorry?"

Lucy felt her previously whirling thoughts halt, frozen in time as she tried to process the sudden shift. The Aquarius in front of her resembled nothing of her usual animosity and vibrant temper. This was an entirely foreign picture that Lucy hadn't even expected to come from her, and it was leaving her cluelessly frightened.

"Aquarius," Lucy blinked a few times, trying to force her words to surface but her muddle brain could only present flustered thoughts, "You… you can't just… "

The anxiety was bubbling in her chest and the meager amount of food she fed herself, courtesy of Stephanie, threatened to invade her esophagus. She felt utterly lost, and embarrassed beyond belief that she was making such a fool of herself, but she didn't _understand_. This just didn't compute. Because _Aquarius _was supposed to _hate _her.

She was supposed to make mean comments about her brown hair, and belittle her for letting Loke take care of her like a toddler. She was supposed to make fun of her for finally picking an outfit that covered more of her body and ridicule her inability to defend herself. She was supposed to demand to be lifted of her contract because Lucy almost killed Natsu and Aquarius had just been waiting for an _excuse_ to leave the worthless wizard she'd been contracted to since childhood.

"God, do you have to freak out so bad every time I do something nice," The spirit huffed, bringing Lucy to shock herself back into awareness.

Though her worries were very much still present, she forced herself to push back her struggles to take in the spirit's defensive posture and twitching lips as she continued to refuse to look Lucy's way. Lucy cleared her throat and offered a small apology, though her heart wouldn't calm down and her skin was clammy with sweat.

"Don't apologize to me," Aquarius grimaced at the pond she had summoned herself upon, feeling more vulnerable than she had in years, "I should have let Loke or Scorpio or any of your spirits intervene last week. I shouldn't have held them back and made you handle it alone."

"But, you were right. I should have been able to do it alone," She tried to defend the mermaid, but was quickly silenced with glare that seems far more comforting than it should have.

At least it was normal.

"Shut up, will you? What happened isn't your fault, okay?" She said with a bitter tone, but it didn't seem to be pointed towards Lucy, "It's awful, what happened in that forest. And I thought I was doing the right thing. Tough love, right? I wanted you to push yourself, summon some more spirits or use an incantation when you were in a tough spot. I didn't want anyone to damage your self esteem by coming to rescue you when you could still do it on your own."

She gulped down a strain in her voice, eyebrows pinched in despair and she remembered that night in the spirit realm. How distraught Loke and Virgo had been, demanding that she let them through. How Aries had tried to calm down Loke with tears shining in her eyes. Cancer and Scorpio arguing over ignoring Aquarius's word and leaving anyway. The aching hole that was carved in her heart that she knew was coming from her wizard, the pain she hadn't experienced since Lucy's mother died.

It was a harsh call, one she regretted now and every moment after the train ride back to Magnolia. The spirits had all forgiven her, many of them understanding her reasoning. But as the wound in her chest grew in size along with Lucy's own heart break, she couldn't ignore that the pulsing agony was affecting her more than the others.

It was her guilt that made it so unbearable.

But she needed the brat to actually let her _apologize _before she can let herself begin to heal. So that _Lucy _can begin to heal.

"I know now that I shouldn't be, like, back-seat-wizarding or something," Aquarius mumbled, "That wasn't my decision to make. I thought I was helping you but I think I just made everything a hell of a lot worse."

She didn't mention how she thought Natsu's almost-death was also her fault. How she thought that if Virgo had dumped the Jonathon guy in a ditch and Scorpio buried him alive then Natsu would never have been hit and Lucy could have healed back at Fairy Tail and never ventured off across Fiore in hopes of being better.

She figured if she had said anything, it would open up a larger can of worms than Aquarius was equipped to deal with. She wasn't sure how Loke had managed to stay by Lucy's side all this time without breaking or screaming in despair over the pain she was sharing with them. How he was able to crack a joke, and a smile without the immense guilt pulling him down. How he could ignore the desire to scream some sense into the poor state his wizard was in order to save her from herself.

Aquarius had never been soft, and had a hard time with sensitive subjects, but she didn't want to mess up with Lucy. She's been her wizard for well over 10 long, annoying years. But those years weren't awful, in fact they were filled with more interesting stories than any others in her lifetime. She loved Lucy, even if she wouldn't admit it. And she wanted her safe, healthy, and happy. She entrusted that job to Loke, and hoped to the Celestial God that Natsu shows up eventually or that the Lion Spirit can get Lucy to go back to him.

And whenever that happens, she along with the rest of the Zodiac will be having a stern conversation with Gray.

"I know you don't want me to make excuses," Lucy was timid, something Aquarius hadn't seen on her face in so long, "but I really don't blame you. I… I understand why you did what you did. And I'm going to get stronger so that next time you won't have to suffer because I can't do my job. But if it makes you feel better, then I forgive you."

Aquarius had to force herself to hold back her groan of irritation, because this girl really didn't get that it wasn't her fault she couldn't defeat a murderer on her own. But she repressed the growing exasperation in favor of preserving the small amount of recovery Loke had been able to achieve with her. If Aquarius made any sort of backtrack on her journey to self acceptance, then Loke was sure to have a few words with her.

Instead of trying to fight with the wizard, she relented her argument. There was no winning with someone who was dead set on destroying themselves from the inside out. Loke was doing all he could to help her, but she had it pounded into her head that she was the one in the wrong. She wouldn't hinder Loke's progress by fighting with the girl and worsening her mental state, but her aching heart was still an ever growing concern.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

She asked it softly, almost too quiet to hear, but the brunette had been waiting for the words to pass her lips.

"I'm sure," Lucy whispered back, "I need to get stronger."

Aquarius was expecting it, but it didn't make the pain any less bearable.

"Alright," She continued with a nod, "So long as you take care of yourself."

"I will," She looked the spirit in the eye this time, trying as hard as she could to show her determination.

"Then I'll be okay," Aquarius said, letting the glow begin to cover her limbs, "I'll send Loke back," Then she added on just before leaving, "Be careful, Lucy."

Then she was alone again, with the water rippling with little waves after having been distrubed by Aquarius's disappearance. She stumbled back, landing on the dirt with a grunt. The forest was silent, but still seemed deafening loud to Lucy. It was only a few moments of loneliness before Loke was crouched in front of her again with the soft yellow light receding from his body.

"You okay?" He asked as he helped her to a stand.

Lucy nodded as she steadied herself, "Yeah just… don't leave again?"

It was hypocritical of her to say, considering she had been begging him to go back to the spirit world previously, but she was too scared to send him back now. He was a constant in life right now, and she really didn't want to lose him again.

Luckily, Loke didn't comment on her sudden fear of being alone, and agreed quickly, "Of course, I'll stay as long as you want."

"Thank you," Lucy breathed out in relief.

When both of them had resituated themselves, they decided to set up camp near the pond. Their newly acquired tent was set up with their belongings stacked up nicely to the side. A fire was made and they decided to roast some hotdogs they purchased in town with their reward money.

"So," Loke asked as he chewed in a piece of meat, "What magic did you decide on?"

"Oh!" Lucy exclaimed, looking extremely happy considering how somber she'd been the past week, and it brought an intense bout of excitement and relief to the spirit to see Lucy happy about something, "I got two books. One on incantations and one on rune magic."

"Runes magic can be really helpful," Loke pointed out as he added some more sticks and leaves to the fire, "Setting up a few protection runes or some hidden traps are very useful for a celestial wizard. That was a smart one Lucy."

Lucy beamed at the praise, obviously proud of her findings, and Loke would kill anymore who dared wipe that smile off her face. He just wished it would remain.

* * *

When Natsu arrives at Carbume, he is _not_ expected to be paraded around town by grateful townspeople and shoved into the mayor's office to be personally thanked for saving the locals from a most horrific and gruesome death. He was given handshakes and personal recounts of gratitude and endless offers of free food.

Valcona had been plaguing this town for years, making every dark corner a beacon of fear and the forest a forbidden territory. The community had adapted to a way of living that wasn't really living at all in fear of losing themselves or a loved one to a greedy wizard.

"Thank you, Fairy Tail," An elderly woman had cried, clutching onto Natsu's backpack as she fell to the ground, "Thank you, thank you, thank you! You saved us!"

Except it didn't feel like a victory. Carbume was safe, but Lucy was gone.

"Say, Mr. Mayor," Natsu asked after finally working his way out of the people crowding him in awe and marching straight into the mayor's office, "Have you seen the wizard who finished this job? She's blonde, a Celestial Wizard, has keys and stuff?"

"Hmm, I'm not entirely sure. I could only properly see one of the two," The mayor responded, but didn't appear too worked up over the misunderstanding, "The young man was a ginger, but not blonde."

"Loke," Natsu whispered to himself.

But if there wasn't a blonde, then who was the other person? Another spirit maybe?

"Who was the other person?"

"Oh a young lady, but she covered most of her face and her hair was a bit too short for me too see."

Could that be Virgo? Her hair was pretty short, but why cover her face? She had always been rather loud and boisterous, he couldn't imagine her trying to avoid drawing attention to herself on purpose. It was most likely Aries; she was shy enough to cover her face and her sticking by Loke wasn't uncommon.

"Why do you ask? Is everything okay with your companions?" The mayor, an elderly gentleman with grayed hair and a worn out pair of glasses, eyed Natsu with worry, "People tell me Fairy Tail isn't suffering at the hands of Valcona even after saving us from our doom?"

Natsu isn't sure what to say, isn't sure he wants to tell this man all the horror and misery he and the guild have suffered together. It was a personal pain, one that no other can understand because Lucy is _special_ to him. Her leaving… it was tearing him apart. No one else experienced her soft voice as she consoled him during tough times, her stern commands when he and Gray went overboard on missions, her excitement at having enough money for rent and the satisfaction at saving a troubled town from destruction.

There were sides of Lucy that Natsu got to see which he had taken for granted, because he figured they would always be there. That the tender moments would never cease to exist only in his memories.

"Young man," The mayor tried again, taking a seat at this desk as he motioned for Natsu to join him, "I cannot read your mind, but I offer my condolences to whatever troubles you. If our town is what has caused this heartache, I apologize and offer any assistance you may need."

The man was calm, friendly, and he reminded him so much of Master Makarov. His eyes wrinkled in the corners and his smile was grim with unease. He rested his hands on his knees, giving Natsu time to settle himself in the cozy office.

"My friend," The dragon slayer took a deep breath, "She was on my team. Some stuff happened the first time we were here and I almost died. She got hurt too but she left before she could get help and now I'm trying to find her. I think she was the one who finished the job, she did it on her own."

The man hummed in response, taking a moment to look over Natsu's very healthy body with fond eyes, "You look to be in good shape for having had a tango with death."

The younger gulped down his guilt, even though he couldn't really say it was his fault that he had been healed back to perfect health while Lucy was forced to suffer on her own, "My guild helped me. I guess no one knew she was hurt too."

The mayor leaned back in his chair, "I understand my boy, I'm glad you are safe from harm. I hope your companion is the same. Though if I may offer, I have a sense of where she may have visited during her stay in our village."

Natsu's head shot up, hope radiating off his body, "Really? You do? Please tell me."

He stood at the same time as the mayor while the older turned towards his desk to shuffle through some drawers. He pulled out a blank paper, being sure to write out a rather long letter before securing it in an envelope and handing it to the confused dragon slayer.

"There's a medic in the forest named Aphrosilia, she's the best in the field around here. If your friend was injured and asked around for help, she most likely ended up there at some point. I recommend checking there for some answers."

The familiar name wasn't missed by the dragon slayer, it was the same name on the letter Lucy sent home. It wasn't a fake name after all, it was a real name of a real person living here who had seen, and spoken, to Lucy. Natsu was shaking with anticipation, ready to bolt through the door but forced himself to remain calm and collected for the time being as he emptied out a slurry of gratitudes, "but this letter," He added with his hand raised the envelope between them, "What do I do with it?"

"Ah that," The mayor tsked, "That's a last case scenario. If Miss Aphrosilia gives you any trouble, just hand that letter to her and instruct her to read. It's only a formal request directly from me."

Natsu pocketed the letter, giving the old man a grin, "Thanks Mister, I appreciate it."

"It's not a problem young man. I hope you find your friend soon."

And then Natsu left, with another "thank you" thrown over his shoulder. He bolted down the streets towards the edge of town where he had been instructed would be a cabin housing the village's only medic.

* * *

Natsu was less than graceful with his sporadic knocks upon the oak door. The cabin hadn't been too much of a hassle to find, especially with the entire towns insistence to repay him for Fairy Tail's aid in defeating the dark guild that had its claim on the town for years, but by the time he had landed in front of the door his patience was practically nonexistent. He forced down his irritation, urging his facial expression to dwindle into something that resembled polite-but-also-in-a-hurry. It wouldn't do him any good if he was a raging asshole who needed to get out of this town _now _and track down the missing celestial mage.

The door swung open mid-knock, causing Natsu to come within centimeter of knocking straight into this woman's glasses. He stumbled back a foot in order to avoid punching the lady in the face with a grunt of surprise and found himself falling onto the wooden porch with a loud thump.

Natsu groaned in frustration, but stood himself up with a quick brush over his pants before leveling the woman with a neutral expression.

"Hey, sorry I almost punched you," Natsu spat out an apology without much thought before attempting to jump into the reason for his visit, but his words were swallowed up in the insanely loud girlish shriek coming from the body in front of him.

Aphrosilia had her fists bunched up beside her face that was increasingly growing redder with the strain her smile was bringing her cheeks, "You're Natsu Dragneel!" The lady proclaimed with a shake of her arms in excitement, "The Salamander! Fairy Tail's Fire Dragon Slayer! The guy who beat the twin dragon slayers! Oh my god I can't believe I got to meet you!"

"Uh," Natsu blinked at her awkwardly before forcing a small smile on his face. It wasn't his first time running into a Fairy Tail fangirl, "Yeah… that's me."

"No duh!" She jumped closer to him with a dangerous spark in her eyes, "I've seen your face enough times to know for sure. I can't believe you're at my cabin!" Aphrosilia beamed at him for a moment, but her amazement began to dwindle by the second as the shine in her eyes were fluttered away. Natsu tilted his head at her as her demeanor changed so drastically, until she barely resembled the figure he had seen moments ago.

"Well," She coughed lightly, it seemed like the mood change wasn't only noticed by Natsu, "What brings the famous Natsu Dragneel to my work place? Do you need treatment?"

She seemed too young to be a full fledged doctor to Natsu, but then again he seemed too young to have faced off against Zero on his own. Wendy seemed too young to have helped him save Earth Land and Gray seemed too young to have faced Deliora twice and lived to tell the tale.

Who was he to judge someone by their age?

"Have you seen another Fairy Tail wizard around?" Natsu asked, subtly scenting the area for any signs of his missing friend, "Celestial wizard, blonde, might have a Zodiac Spirit with her? You'd probably recognize her as Lucy Heartfilia if you're familiar with our guild."

As Natsu dropped Lucy's name, he noticed the doctor's body stiffened, and he could practically hear her heart beating through her chest. Aphrosilia refused to make eye contact, choosing instead to appreciate the pine trees that whistled with the wind passing through. She clasped her hands behind her back and rocked on her heels as she contemplated her response, "Oh, um nope! Don't think I have!"

"Oh?" Natsu quirked an eyebrow. He knew he shouldn't make rash decisions, but his gut was telling him something was wrong. He could tell Lucy was here, if not from the letter itself then from the way Aphrosilia seemed to shift side to side in front of him after screaming in excitement only a moment ago. Yet he had no proof other than the envelope, and he felt like he was going to need a bit more evidence before the girl was going to tell him what he came here for, "Are you sure? I heard she might have been here."

"Nope!" She answered too fast, which only anchored Natsu's suspicion.

Natsu leaned to the side, taking in the inside of the cabin which was lit up with warm candles and hanging lights, "If you don't mind, could I take a look inside?"

"Inside?" Aphrosilia questioned, glanced behind her before shrugging her shoulders, "Um, sure. Come in."

The doctor took a step back, allowing the dragon slayer to enter her cabin, which was just as cozy inside as it looked from the outside. The warmth was exactly the type of thing Natsu enjoyed, and it instantly relaxed him. The seating area was filled with cushioned chairs and various wooden sculptures, and the wooden paneling was etched with designs across the walls. It was homey, and he could imagine the entire town found this cabin to be a wonderful place to recover from any sickness or injury in.

"Can I get you anything?" Aphrosilia appeared beside him, wringing her hand anxiously. She looked very different from how she acted when he first arrived. Timid, nervous, scared, and if Natsu wasn't on a time crunch to find Lucy he might've taken more time to ease her into the conversation he wanted to have. But he was in fact running out of time and didn't have any to spare, "Oh I'm Aphrosilia by the way, I don't think I introduced myself."

Natsu smiled at her, pretending he hadn't already known who she was since the beginning, "Hi Aphrosilia, I'm Natsu Dragneel. But I guess you already knew that."

"Yeah," She gave an airy laugh, swaying on her feet as she spoke, "I'm a pretty big fan of Fairy Tail."

"That's pretty cool! I'm a fan of Fairy Tail too!" Natsu said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, "My guild is my family and my home. They mean everything to me, and they're all really talented."

He had chosen those words on purpose, hoping it would strike a nerve with the doctor. He charged his tone with as much sincerity and intensity as he could. He needed her to understand that Lucy was important, to him and the guild. If Lucy really did show up here, and judging by the girls actions she did, Natsu would need her cooperation with as little difficulty as possible. Trying to get the opposition to work with him was never his strong suit, negotiations were usually something he messed up.

But he could speak from the heart, using his own experiences to connect with others. He was good at turning someone's intentions from evil to good, so long as his voice was heard from the depths of his soul. And judging by Aphrosilias hyperactive eye movements and subconscious lip biting, a lot of thinking was going on inside her head.

Maybe if he kept her talking, and got her comfortable, she would drop the pretending and tell him the truth. Or he could work her into a corner and force her to reveal it to him.

"So, you're a fan of Fairy Tail? Who's your favorite wizard?" Natsu had asked it innocently, but the fear that radiated off of Aphrosilia's body had surprised him. It was a sudden reaction, but that told him he was going in the right direction. So long as she doesn't kick him out.

"Oh!" She gave a panicked chuckled, "You know, probably Titania or MiraJane. Really any of the girls!"

She returned to chewing on her lip, pointedly ignoring Natsu's gaze. He smirked at her.

He would bet 20,000 jewel her favorite was actually Lucy, but was too afraid to bring her up in the conversation again.

"Oh really?" Natsu mused with a light tone, "Erza's cool, but totally scary. And Mira is great until you piss her off. You really don't want to be on either of their bad sides. But I have to say my favorite is Lucy."

Natsu listened closely for the hitch in her breath, which came as soon as he spoke Lucy's name. The doctor had wide eyes boring into the wooden floors, barely containing her shaking muscles and twitching fingers. She didn't respond, only swallowed down her nerves as Natsu continued.

"You know she's just really strong, and super funny and smart. She knows what she's doing, and she's really good at it," Natsu began rambling, and he knew he was probably talking too much, but he couldn't help the avalanche of words tumbling out of his mouth, "She's important to us, to me. And I really want to find her. I _need _to find her_. _I need to bring her back and tell her how important she is to us… and to me. I really miss her."

His voice cracked at the end against his desires. His chest constricts against him as the pain reinvigorates in his soul, and he finds himself fighting against the angry tears again. Aphrosilia was finally looking at him again, with distressed eyes. He stared, probably looking close to a wounded animal, but the hopelessness he was feeling wouldn't allow him to keep up the nonchalant carefree attitude anymore.

He couldn't hide the hurt, fear, and pain he was feeling. And he really hoped the doctor could see it too.

"Please Aphrosilia," He whispered, hoping his voice didn't betray him again, "I know she was here. Her scent is faint, but strong enough for me to smell. She sent us a letter with your name on the envelope, I have the words written in her handwriting. Please just tell me where she went."

They were each silent for a few moments, aside from Natsu's heavy breathing that seemed all too loud in the tiny cabin.

"I can't," She responded with her own teary sniffle, "I promised to protect her."

Natsu sighed, dropping his head to his chest and running shaky fingers through his hair, "You don't need to protect her from me. I'm not going to hurt her."

"You might not," she mumbled, "But someone from your guild did."

"So she told you?" Natsu shot his head up again, hopeful the doctor would provide him with some insight into Lucy's mind frame, "Please tell me what she said."

It was one thing to know Lucy was probably injured physically, but her mental pain was as much of a mystery to him as it was in the beginning. He knew bits and pieces that he could put together in his head, but he yearned to talk to her. To hear her fears and insecurities to try his best to fix them.

The doctor bit her lip again, looking away from Natsu , "She made me swear to keep her secret."

Natsu was getting ready to drop to the floor and beg if it would get this lady to tell him what he came here for, when he remembered the letter he had pocketed early in the day. He quickly pulled out the envelope before shoving into Aphrosilia's space, "Read this."

"What?" She squawked as she took the letter into her hand.

"It's from the mayor, he said if you needed any convincing to deliver this to you," He pushed the envelope closer to her, which she reluctantly grabbed.

She tore the flap off, keeping a cautious eye on Natsu as she pulled the paper out. Natsu hadn't had the chance to read it, so as the doctors facial expressions gradually shifted into something more panicked than before, he found himself wondering what could have possibly been written. After reading, Aphrosilia huffed in annoyance. Her fingers clenched around the paper creating a plethora of creases before throwing the papers to the ground and turning away from the dragon slayer with her hand rubbing over her face.

"Well that seemed intense," Natsu commented to the girls back, "I'm not sure what the old man said but if it made you react like that then I'm sure it must have been…"

He didn't know how to end his sentence, because the mayor seemed much too kind to write anything cruel. Yet the doctor was acting like her life was threatened. It worried him, because no matter how much he wanted to find Lucy, he didn't want to hurt others in the process. There's been enough hurt to last him the rest of his life.

"The mayor," Aphrosilia voiced through clenched teeth without turning back around, "is my grandfather. Apparently I have no choice but to share what I know with you."

While he was glad that the mayor's letter seemed to persuade the girl, he still felt guilty for being part of the cause for the distress she was going through, "I appreciate you telling me, because I do need to know, but if he's threatening you…"

"Oh no!" She shouted, turning to face Natsu with teary eyes, "He would never… He loves me, and I love him. He just wants to help you find Lucy. It's just… I would be betraying her trust."

Natsu nodded, "I understand, but I promise you that if you tell me where she went I'm going to help her. I'm not going to let anyone hurt her, physically or emotionally. She'll understand and forgive you, it's the type of person she is."

Aprhosilia stepped closer, pointing towards the chairs decorating her waiting room and instructing Natsu to join her. Once they were both seated, Aphrosilia clasped her hands together, her thumb picking at her nails as she recounted her experience with the missing Fairy Tail wizard, "She came to my cabin a few days ago. She was very sick, affected by one of the dark guild wizards attacks," Not just any dark wizard, the infamous Jonathon Barsoni that was responsible for an uncountable amount of murders in the area for selfish gain, Natsu had become quite acquainted with his history, "She said it happened a week prior, and I was surprised she was still still speaking, let alone walking around. The magic was ruthless, it makes even just existing painful."

It was something Natsu had suspected, that Lucy was probably suffering alone, but hearing the news from a medical professional made his heart ache. It didn't ease anything in his mind, even if she might not be in pain anymore, because she had to endure it for so long without her friends to help her.

"It was a magic draining attack, one than made it impossible for her to regenerate her magic energy or use her keys. She was accompanied by Leo the Lion, but he called himself Loke," Aphrosilia grew a soft smile as she remembered the spirit, being too entranced by meeting not only the hero of her childhood but the leader of the Zodiac as well, "I'm not sure how he was able to be there if she couldn't use magic though. I hadn't thought to ask at the time."

"He probably summoned himself," Natsu filled in for her, "They tend to do that from time to time."

"Oh?" The doctor perked up, entering a more work favorable demeanor as she gave a quizzical look towards the dragon slayer, "I know a bit about celestial keys, but I didn't know the keys could summon themselves."

"Yeah, I mean I don't know how it works either," Natsu admitted, "That's something I'd have to ask Lucy later. But I've seen them do it before. It's pretty painful for them to be in the human world for too long. I don't know how long is 'too long' though either."

"Well I can assure you Loke, or Leo, didn't seem to be in pain. So they must have a system."

"Of course Loke had a plan," Natsu smirked, "He's not the leader of the Zodiac for nothing! He's a playboy but he's still smart. And Lucy's a genius, she's one of the best in Fairy Tail."

"I don't doubt it," the doctor chimed in, and Natsu was relieved to see her a bit more relaxed. While he needed this information, he didn't want to make the one person who's seen Lucy hate him for demanding it.

"So, I was saying," She continued, but rather than looking forlorn and concerned, she adorned a more professional aura with medical terminology, "Her skin was inflamed all over, which I treated with a topical cream. It would have taken time for her to gather her magic strength again but I assume it probably hadn't taken longer than a day," the doctor swallowed, twitching her eyes from different points in the floor as she thought through her next sentence, "She told me about… what happened. At first she tried to hide that she was from Fairy Tail, but I caught on pretty fast. She said something about how she almost killed you and that someone on your mission was right about her."

The mission, although may have ended in success, also caused so much turmoil. Lucy had believed she killed him, and that it was her weakness that caused it. As much as Gray may feel bad for his actions, Natsu couldn't forgive him quite yet. Not until he had Lucy by his side again. Until his best friend was safe and happy, Gray would have to wait.

"Whoever said that to her… she's very hurt by it. She's taking it hard."

Natsu sighed, "He knows he was wrong, and he's going to spend a long time making up for it. I won't let it happen again."

"Promise me," Her voice was suddenly very stern, demanding Natsu to look her in the eye. When he did she saw anger, but also determination, "She was a mess Natsu Dragneel, and I may have only just met her but I care for her. You better promise me this won't happen again."

He wasted no time with his answer, there wasn't anything to think about. He had been saying it since he found out about Lucy leaving, that he would work his ass off until he found her. That he would chase her across Fiore and then some just to make sure she's safe. He would move mountains and catch stars if it would put a smile on her face, because that's what she deserves.

"I promise."

Aphrosilia relaxed, accepted his declaration. She took off her glasses, whipping the bridge of her nose carefully before giving Natsu exactly what he came here for, "She's headed to Crocus. I'm not sure what for, but her goal is to get stronger. So check magic shops or any other training related places you can think of. Question the locals. Hopefully you'll find her before she leaves."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOO SO LONG. I have had the WORST case of writers block ever. This chapter felt like such a chore to write and I really hope it doesn't show D: I don't know why it was so hard for me to write this but I finally did it!!! I'm going to try to make sure the next chapter doesn't take as long to come out. Let me know what you think!
> 
> My Socials:  
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	7. The First Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy is forced to summon a spirit or risk loosing her chance at honing her abilities in the security of solitude.

Lucy spent most of the night and early morning reading through her books at the fastest speed humanly possible. It was rather time consuming, and she was beginning to regret leaving Magnolia in such a haste without packing a few more items. It took far longer than she had hoped to get through the first chapter of her Rune book, and even longer for her to begin practicing the magic enough to see results. 

“Man I wish I brought my speed reading glasses. That would have made this so much easier,” She grumbled under her breath as she slowly trudged through the second chapter, which provided just as much pointless information as the first one about  _ opening your mind and letting the magic flow through your body like a conduit of energy  _ like every other beginner wizard was taught.

She guessed that’s what she got for trying to learn an entirely new magic from scratch on her own.

“Yeah reading glasses would probably make this a lot easier, huh?” Loke passed by her with an arm full of lumber he collected, preparing to throw them into their small fire, “Maybe we could stop by the magic shop again and buy a pair?”

Lucy hummed her acknowledgement as she attempted to digest the information that she was only giving half of her attention to, “Depends on how expensive they are. Can’t waste all our money on convenience when we don’t know how soon we’ll get more.”

Loke inwardly sighed at her comment, but tried his best to not let it show in his features. He had been holding on to the hope that her talk with Aquarius might make her start thinking about returning to Fairy Tail, but she seemed just as stubbornly against the idea as she was before. He couldn’t exactly blame her for her fear, given the situation, her trauma is perfectly justified. This is why he refused to be angry with her for wanting to leave, and chose to support her decisions regardless of how much he wished he could heal her wounded heart.

But he couldn’t help but wonder if leaving is what was best for her. Would being alone heal her pain? He didn’t think so. Fairy Tail had always been a guild surrounded by the ideals of family and communion. What Lucy really needed was support, reassurance, and a hell of an apology from Gray, and none of that would come from her being isolated in the middle of the forest. 

She needed Natsu, but she refused to make that happen.

She was scared. Of facing him or anyone is Fairy Tail because she felt weak. She thinks she let them down, hurt them beyond forgiveness. But she was so very wrong, and nothing he said would change her mind. He thinks the only person who could is the one person she’s scared of seeing the most.

Natsu.

He’s the one she almost ruined, almost killed. She thinks she almost ripped him away from Fairy Tail with her own failure. Seeing the dragon slayer could fix the guilt she had been dragging around after seeing him alive and well. He could tell her she was perfect the way she was, convince her to come home so she can heal properly with her family there to guide her. Or, she could relapse further into her mind and refuse him. Truthfully, Natsu could be either the one to save her or the one to break her. And Loke wasn’t prepared for that reality.

“Why don’t we check it out around lunch time,” Loke offered as he sat down in front of fire and watched her flip through another page, “If they’re cheaper we can grab some and maybe find out where you wanna go next.”

Lucy nodded, trying to reread the sentence she had been stuck trying to process in her mind for that past five minutes but eventually giving up. She dropped the book by her side with a groan and rubbed her palms over her eyelids. The book was giving her a headache at this point.  _ Nothing  _ made sense. She had spent too long trying to read it last night and this morning that she couldn’t take anymore information in. Reading glasses would really make this easier.

“Yeah let’s do that,” She dropped her hands to her sides, rubbing her dirty fingers through the soft dirt below her, “I wanna find a place to train while we’re there.”

“What do you mean?” Loke scrunched his eyebrows in concern, he wasn’t sure if she was ready to start training again just yet. She only  _ just  _ got her magic back in her control, “Shouldn’t you wait a bit? You haven’t given yourself much time to recover.”

_ Physically or emotionally,  _ he added in his head.

“I don’t want to waste any time,” She didn’t look up from the ground as she spoke, too mesmerized with the twirling dirt below her, “I left for a reason and so far I haven’t done any training.”

There wasn’t much Loke could do to argue with her, especially since she does have the power to close his gate now. He knows she wouldn’t want to be alone, something that also weighs on his conscience as a warning sign of Lucy being far from okay, but that won’t stop her from forcing him out and summoning someone else in his place.

“Okay, let we find a place to train.”

“Great,” She responded, with a slight twitch in the corner of her mouth.

Though he may not be overly excited that she was going to be pushing herself so soon, it was relieving to see her so calm. She was a far cry from the girl she was a month ago, but it was a start.

“I want to clean myself off in the lake before we leave,” She said, her hands covered in the moist soil as she raised them to eye level, “Then we can leave.”

Loke agreed, pulling himself to a stand while Lucy made her way towards the lake covered by forest brush. He began packing up the camp they had set up for themselves, making extra care of Lucy’s new books. The tent was a hassle to put away with each corner popping back out when he tried to close it, and one of them definitely didn’t hit him in the face.

By the time Lucy returned, Loke had everything neatly placed where it belonged. He gave her a once over, noticing she was wearing a dark black shirt this time instead of the purple one she had been sporting since they left. Though the most noticeable change were the dirtied bandages she had dangling from her fingers. The same bandages that were covering her now exposed guild mark.

He didn’t point any attention to it, afraid that saying anything might influence whatever Lucy might do. He hoped she would leave it uncovered, accept her ties to Fairy Tail without guilt or anguish and present herself as a proud Fairy Tail wizard like she once did. He could hope and plead and beg the universe, but he already knew the truth. That she would wrap a new set of bandages around the pink insignia and continue to pretend that part of her life didn’t exist. She would cut off her past and move on if it meant cutting off the pain. At least until she felt ready to face it.

He was just afraid she would never feel ready.

“You should bathe too,” She said as she pulled out the first aid kit to retrieve the new bandages Loke was already expecting, “Do you need a change of clothes too?”

“Nah,” He shook his head, “I’ve only had these for a day and I have one more shirt I bought for when I need to change.”

“Okay,” She wrapped the first line of white over her palm, “When you’re done we can leave.”

Loke finished his wash up fast, arriving back just as Lucy was putting away the medical supplies. The brunette took the backpack with her books and various food, while Loke carried the tent and sleeping bags in his back. The town wasn’t too far away, only a twenty minutes walk, and they found themselves in the town square rather fast.

Lucy led the way to the magic shop she visited the day before, offering the old man a kind side smile when the bell chimed their entry. There were a few customers already walking the isles, chatting loudly about the various magical items for sale. Two girls in the corner near the silver celestial keys and a group of boys laughing at a Take- Over Magic book. An older couple examining old magic trinkets, both blessed and cursed. A little girl dragging her older brother to the children's magic books with a blinding grin.

It was lively, and surprisingly filled Lucy with fondness. She was happy that youth and older generations alike can enjoy magic as mundane or necessary it may be at times. Her keys have given her the best moments of her life and some of the most caring friends she built relationships.

Even if those relationships might be broken and mourning now.

Loke left to look around the shop in curiosity. Practicing magic wasn’t something he could do, or at least he didn’t think he could. He hadn’t tried before but figured any other foreign magic would be rejected by his own. He was a spirit, his entire existence  _ was  _ magic. People won, traded, bought and sold his key as well as the rest of the zodiac. He was a highly sought after magic weapon and most of his life was dedicated to protecting his master with the magic he had held his entire life.

Regulus was a power entirely his. There was only one Leo The Lion, but there were plenty of elemental wizards. No one could copy him as much as they might try, and so he didn’t feel a need to expand his magic knowledge. He was only ever as strong as his master was, and that disbanded any need to grow stronger on his own.

But looking around couldn’t hurt.

He was nose deep in a spell history book when Lucy rounded the corner into his aisle carrying a pair of reading glasses. He closed the book when she approached him, giving her a nod of approval, “Hey, you found some!”

“Yeah, they were pretty cheap too,” She said softly, and Loke would point out how calm and relaxed she seemed at the moment if he wasn’t sure if would cause her to raise her guard again.

He would ride this wave of sudden contempt as long as he could.

He trailed behind her, giving the rest of the shop a cautious glance. Nobody paid much mind to them now that Loke was dressed more appropriately, and it seemed Lucy was beginning to get less scared of being recognized now that she had traveled the town without disruption the night before. 

The shop owner was kind when Lucy returned to the shop so soon, giving her a gentle welcome, “Oh my, I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon!”

Lucy gave him a smile that felt strange to her. It had only been around a week but her facial muscles were already refusing the strain it took to smile. She kept it in place however, challenging her own body to defy her desire to show a bit of her happier side, “Yup, I was in need of some reading glasses.”

“Ah yes,” The man cheered, picking up the case and tilting the frames so the light would glint on the glass, “Those books do take some time to get through. And these are a great choice Miss!”

She had picked a pale pink color, which contrasted with her current getup, but she didn’t intend to use these unless it was out of sight. It was just a piece of her personality she was desperate to hold on to. She missed the delicate side of femininity that she so often exhibited. She missed her blonde hair, her pink shirts, and her girly skirts. She missed the insignia plastered on her hand and even all of her family back at home.

But she couldn’t have all of that, didn’t deserve all of that. This was all she could have right now, and she would be happy with it.

“Alrighty, then your total is 10 jewel.”

She nodded, pulling out her bag of jewel she’d brought along with her and counting out the correct total. Once her palm was full of change, she passed it along to the shop employee.

“Thank you Miss. I’ll grab a bag for you,” He turned to search the counter for a go bag but Lucy was quick to dismiss that idea.

“Oh it’s okay. I won’t be needing it,” She grabbed the glasses off the counter and secured them in her own bag, “But if you don’t mind, do you think you could point me in the direction of a good place to train around here?”

“Train?” The old man rubbed his temple in thought, uttering a few hums in the process. He turned to look out the window, eyes scrunched as he gestured towards a few buildings, “There’s a magic gym not too far away. We have a few of those scattered around the city actually. Other than that there’s a mountain not too far from here that some wizards like to go hunting at. It’s filled with monsters.”

The brunette perked up at that, “Oh? Where’s that?” 

“Ah Mount Dormala,” He answered with a hum, turning to face the two wizards with a grim expression, “It’s on the other side of town. But you have to be a part of a guild to be let in.”

“Part of a guild?” Loke stepped in, “Why?”

The magic gyms were out of the question, Loke had known the moment the suggestion was made. Lucy wouldn’t willingly put herself in the public eye, and that’s exactly what would happen if she shows up at a public training facility using zodiac keys that everyone in Crocus knows belong to Lucy Heartfilia, a currently missing Fairy Tail wizard according to the rest of Fiore. And if it wasn’t the gyms, she was going to head to the mountain. But if they had to be part of a guild to be let in that would require Lucy to reveal her affiliation with Fairy Tail, another thing she had been adamantly against from the start. She had grown to become more frightened by the guild symbol than she had of Jonathan Barsoni. His eyes traveled to the bandaged hand that was curled into itself. Her fingers were tapping against each other anxiously, no doubt she was thinking the same thing he was.

“Well the monsters,” The shopkeeper's voice turned quieter, almost in fear, “They’re very dangerous. The king doesn’t like inexperienced wizard’s biting off more than they can chew by entering the forest unprepared. If you’re a part of a magic guild, there’s a better chance you know what you’re doing.”

“That makes sense,” Loke placed a calming hand on Lucy’s shoulder, “Thank you for the information Sir.”

“It’s no problem young man,” The old man chuckled. His gaze lingered on them for a moment before shifting onto the little girl skipping her way over to the counter, “Well I hope you two stay safe! Come back again sometime yeah?”

* * *

“So,” Loke gave a breathy exhale, sticking his hands into the hoodie's pocket as he walked side by side with the runaway wizard, “What’s the plan?”

The streets were busy with people going all directions. It had no structure, and it was a hassle to make it through the confusing crowds, but Lucy had her eyes set on the large mountain in view. Her hood was pulled over her head, completely blocking the top of her face, but no one seemed to be bothered by her concerning level of anonymity.

“We’re going to Mount Dormala.”

Loke visibly flinched, momentarily faltering in his footsteps and bumping into a Crocus citizen who cursed him quietly. Loke muttered an apology and quickly caught back up to the girl with unshakable concern and confusion, “Uh, sorry but what? Didn’t you hear that guy? You need a guild mark and last I checked, yours in MIA.”

There was a grin on her face, which was coming to her a bit easier this time. It was devious, and Loke would eventually regret feeling relieved that she was showing more emotions than just soul crushing fear and sadness. In the moment, he considered it a part of the recovery process.

“Oh I’ll have a guild mark,” She replies with a sinister drip in her tone that had Loke feeling more like an evil sidekick than a celestial spirit.

He didn’t have a chance to question her further before she was turning off the busy streets and approaching a cart selling various hobbyist items. He tried to protest but his words were pointless as the girl fluttered away to talk to the cart owner. He was thoroughly annoyed at having no say in whatever she was planning, yet he still followed the cloaked girl, as any hard-worked-runaway-wizard-harboring-celestial-spirit would. He just didn’t have to hide his reluctance  _ all  _ the time.

Who was he kidding? He would follow her to the end of the world, not only as his duty as her spirit, but as a supportive friend and ally.

He stayed a distance behind her. He was careful not to block any oncoming traffic, and was successful in his efforts, besides the few children that kept running into his gradually bruising legs. Three of them had rammed into his knees, screamed an apology much too loud for his liking, and scattered away. He held his tongue so he didn’t accidentally snap at any children in his annoyance, because that was the last thing he needed to do right now. He had assumed a game of tag might be taking place around the area considering the amount of tiny humans that weren’t paying attention to their surroundings. He may be 90% legs,and children may be tiny little balls of energy, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t watch where they're going.

As if the world wanted to slap in the face, another child tripped straight into the back of his legs, sending his body knees first into the hard ground. The child, a small boy probably only 8 or 9, jumped up from the impact almost immediately, “Sorry Mister!”

Loke had a retort just on the tip of his tongue about being careful in crowded areas and being considerate of others, but as fast as the boy caused his knee pain, he was gone. He considered a blessing because he was about two seconds from giving that child the worst scolding of his life. The spirit groaned, children these days  _ really _ needed to learn manners and think about the impact of their choices. What if he had broken his knees, or worse, his face! Actually, he takes it back. He was gonna find that kid and teach him a lesson-

“Excuse me,” A soft voice spoke from above him, “Do you need help?”

The voice had him forgetting all about the revenge he was planning, captivating his attention instantly. It belonged to a pretty redhead with long flowing hair curling just above her waist. Her eyes were a glowing yellow that shined under the hard sun. She was dressed modestly, but still fashionably and Loke was really regretting switching out of his suit now.

“Well, if a pretty lady is offering, how can I refuse.”

The woman giggled, extending her arm with Loke took instantly. When he stood she was short, only coming up to his shoulders which was  _ perfect _ . Her fingers delicately pulled a few strands of her hair behind her ear. She couldn’t make eye contact, choosing to smile to herself while observing the passing commuters.

_ Ah, she’s a shy one. _

“What’s a breathtaking sight like you doing alone in the middle of the city,” his voice came out low and sultry, earning a gasp from the girl.

“Oh um, just sightseeing!” She cheered, jumping slightly in excitement, “I’m not from here so I wanted to see as much as I can before going home.”

“Not from here, huh?” He pinched a bit of her wavy hair between his fingers, rubbing the soft strands over his skin, “Where did you come from, beautiful?”

“Oh,” Oh her laugh was mesmerisin g _ ,  _ Loke couldn’t stand it, “I’m originally from Hargeon.”

“Really?” He mused as he stepped closer into her personal space forcing her to raiser her head higher to see his face, “I like Hargeon. Maybe I can come visit you there some time.”

“Hmm, maybe I’d like that,” her innocent facade was quickly breaking as she dared to step even closer to Loke, “Except you wouldn’t find me there.”

“Hmm? Why’s that? You wouldn’t hide from me would you?” They were close, nearly nose to nose. Had it always been this easy to talk to a pretty lady?

“You’ll have to travel a bit north to Magnolia if you want to find me, Sir.”

At just the mention of the world Magnolia, the desire to woo this young maiden was shattered. Suddenly, she was so close that it was almost suffocating. Her glistening yellow eyes were blinding and her sweet smile was nearly carving his heart. The red hair tangled between his fingers were red as blood, coating his fingers in betrayal.

His shift in demeanor didn’t go unnoticed. The mystery girl scrutinized him, growing more concerned as he stepped away from her and pulled away from her reach, “Are you okay? Was it something I said?”

“No! No,” He practically shouted with a terrified look in his eye, “It wasn’t you.”

And it really wasn’t. It was the fact that she lives in Magnolia but is currently in Crocus. It was the fear that Lucy would find out and realize she had been right about not being far away enough because people here were tied to home. It was the disgust he had with himself for immediately jumping on the chance to seduce this woman he doesn’t know when Lucy’s well being should be his priority. Had she been here to witness his horrific failure, he was sure she would be back at square one. All of her progress would wither away instantly and he would be left alone with a broken wizard.

He couldn’t stand to watch her break down again, it hurt far too much.

The girl opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by the cloaked figure intruding into their conversation. The brunette paid no attention to the girl as she walked up to Loke holding a thin metal canister and a paintbrush, “Hey I got what I needed.”

The tension between Loke and Mystery Girl must have been noticeable, because Lucy gaze landed on the red head quickly. She squinted at her momentarily, as is mentally interrogating her motives, but quickly jumped back to normal. She gave the women and polite bow of her head in respect.

“Oh,” the woman said as she realized Lucy was bowing to her before doing the same, “I… Um… I didn’t realize you already had someone. I’ll be going now.”

Loke grimaced as she bowed again apologetically towards Lucy before quickly running off towards her nest destination. When she was completely out of ear shot, Loke sighed guiltily, “Well, I probably just ruined her entire day.”

“Hmm,” Lucy stared into the distance, watching the girl group up with five other people he must have traveled with, “Did you flirt with her?”

Loke scoffed, turning his head to hide his quickly reddening cheeks, “What do you think?” The woman was bit further now, and he caught the sound of her laughing at a boy in her group. Loke felt his heart rest a bit seeing that he hadn’t hurt her too bad by his sudden rejection, but that felt into a pout shortly after, “I thought she said she was alone.”

“And I thought you weren’t gonna attract any attention. But look where we are,” She teased lightly, turning around to continue walking towards the mountain.

The spirit felt his guilty conscience lifting by the minute at the sound of her tone easing into a playful lull. She hadn’t seemed to have heard the conversation, and it wasn’t that he wanted to hide anything from her, but the woman wasn’t a threat to them and he didn’t want to cause unnecessary stress. It seemed the further along into the day, the more Lucy was acting like herself and he would do anything to protect that. Bits and pieces of her personality are leaking out. The pink glasses, the passive aggressive comments that she means no harm by, the smile that hadn’t graced her features since before the mission that caused all of this.

It likely has to do with her talk with Aquarius. He knew the spirit wanted to apologize and try to reassure the brunette as much as possible and her words may have sunk into Lucy brain a bit more than they originally thought. Or it was possibly the magic books she’s taken the liberty in learning. She’s started doing exactly what she’s been itching to do since she broke down in her apartment. She’s beginning training, and he believes it has everything to do with the idea that she thinks she can prove herself again. Not that she has to, but he can’t seem to get that one through her head yet.

It’s okay though, he’ll be patient. He was loyal to her, and wanted to be seen as someone reliable. He would help her through the heartache every minute of every day even when she didn’t want his help anymore. Though his emotions would continue to be present, both good and bad, no amount of annoying children or guilty flirty will stop him from doing his job.

He can feel himself relaxing knowing he doesn’t have to hold her hand through this journey as much as he had too in the beginning. She’s starting to develop a plan in her head, strategizing food, shelter, water, and supplies. She’s taking care of her health to the best of her ability and hiding her identity. He hasn’t had to forcefully take care of her since she got treated back in Carbume.

He considers it progress, as small as it may be. She’s still terrified and hurting. She still doesn’t trust Fairy Tail and guilt is still dragging her down, but she’s fighting. She’s not ready to lay down and give up, she wants to challenge the universe and he’s proud of her for it. She’s growing independent, slowly. Her slight relapse in not wanting to be left alone was still there, but so long as Loke was summoned in her general area, she felt safe. They had split up to buy things, and she abandoned him to deal with evil children, but that was better than her cowering in fear by his side.

“So what’s that?” Loke asked pointing towards the metal canister.

Lucy responded by opening the lid and handing it over to the spirit, “Black body paint.”

The man leaned in to sniff the thick substance but quickly recoiled in disgust as a horrid smell invaded his nostrils, “God, I forgot what paint smelled like.”

“What?” Lucy exclaimed as she hastily retrieved the new purchase and recapped the contents, “How do you forget that? What do you guys even do in the spirit world all day? You guys don’t have paint?”

“Nope,” he answered with his hand pushed into his pant pockets, “We don’t have much time to ourselves.”

“Really?” Lucy wondered aloud with a puzzling look on her face.

“Yeah, you know how the time in the spirit world is different than in earth land?” Loke explained, and after Lucy nodded he continued, “Well if one day in the spirit world is 3 months in the human world, then you have to imagine how often in just one of our days we get called out to fight. And that doesn’t include the silver keys that are sometimes kept out as pets in the human world so often. They’re almost never in the spirit realm for longer than a few seconds as time.”

It was silent for a moment, Lucy looking particularly distressed as she processed the new information. When she did eventually speak, it was timid and worried, “I’m so sorry. That must be really rough.”

“Oh don’t be silly Lucy,” Loke laughed causing the girl to give him a huff of annoyance, “It doesn’t bother us. It’s what we’re made for. Our whole purpose is to serve, and we love every second of it. In fact, I guarantee you that Plue probably misses you so much since you haven’t summoned him in forever.”

“Aw Plue,” The brunette cooed, “I miss him too, maybe I should summon him tonight and remind him how much I love him.”

“While you're at it, try summoning Aries and the other spirits if you can?” The lion spirit gave her a hopeful glance, “Only if you can. I mean they all miss you too and I’m sure they’d be ecstatic to see you again.”

“Ah I see,” She grinned, “And I’m sure this has nothing to do with you seeing Aries again?”

“What?” He sputtered, glancing side to side in search of nothing other than a distraction, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah okay,” Lucy joked back. She gave him a moment of peace to reclaim his dignity. Giving his speech some thought, she figured it was a great idea to say hi to everyone. It could also help with her stamina to try summoning three of them at a time instead of two, but it mostly was for her ease and theirs. She couldn’t imagine being used to seeing someone every few minutes and then all of a sudden not seeing them for a few days. It was probably incredibly disorienting,

She finally started to understand why Aquarius got so annoyed with her summoning the mermaid spirit so often.

It wasn’t long before the entrance to the mountain was visible, long after the town had been in the rear view. Before the guard standing put in front of the gate noticed them, Lucy grabbed hold of Loke and hid in the tree line. They stumbled to a stop, Loke squawking at the girl in confusion, “What the hell, Lucy!”

Even with his shout whispered, Lucy violently hushed him, “For god sake Loke, call me Anna! Are you crazy?!”

“Fine!” He growled in frustration, pointing at the huffing brunette, “If you’re Anna then I’m Leonardo. Leo for short.”

“Are you kidding me!” Lucy snapped back, “You are LITERALLY Leo the Lion. How obvious can you be?!”

“Give me some freedom here!” He bickered back.

“Ugh, fine.” She rolled her eyes at him but still showed a toothy smile. Loke retaliated by giving her an overly dramatic wink that she shooed away, “Take off your shirt.”

“Wow,” Loke purred with a seductive tilt to his chin, “Already trying to undress me?”

“Oh shut up you overgrown kitten,” She retorted as she unscrewed the paint canister and slathered the brush in the thick black mush.

Nevertheless, Loke did as he was told. Neatly folding his shirt and sweatshirt and setting the clothing over to the side, he stood still as the cool breeze whispered across his skin. Lucy approached him with intense concentration, instructing him to lift his chin. He obeyed and only flinched lightly with the first stroke of cold paint on his warm skin. He didn’t question what she was doing, enduring the process for the next three minutes quietly until the young wizard pulled back with satisfaction.

“There,” She tapped the wet paint brush on the side of the can and rested it on a nearby rock, “Welcome to Cait Shelter, Leonardo.”

Loke stared at her with wide eyes, letting the word sink in before he snickered, “Ah... you’re smart.”

Lucy fanned at Loke’s newly painted skin to help the drying process move faster. Lying at the curve of his neck and ending just above his collar bone was a black Cait Shelter symbol signifying their belonging to a guild.

Meaning they will be granted access to the mountain.

“I have my moments,” she muttered hesitantly, “We needed to figure out some way to be let in without flashing our real guild marks.”

Loke didn’t comment further, afraid he would cause her to start the downward spiral of self hatred again. It would be devastating after the great day she’s had for her to retreat back into her shell, judging every choice she ever made and beating herself up for all the mistakes she can think of. He just needed to distract her from thinking about anything related to the guild or her worth as a wizard.

“So your turn?” He offered to take the brush and help draw out hers but she refused, “I’ll put it on my opposite hand.”

He accepted her request to do it alone and waited patiently for the girl to paint out the fake guild mark. After the necessary time passed, Lucy had adorned a new guild mark and Loke’s had completely dried.

“Don’t move too much,” She warned as she packed back up the used paint, “It’s supposed to be a magic sealant pant that will only disappear with water, but I don't trust that it won’t crack eventually. At least make it last until we pass the entrance.”

They reemerged from the hidden forest calmly and continued their trek towards the mountain. They kept up a friendly nonsensical conversation to fill the empty silence until they were close enough for the two guards to stand defensively at the large gate. Both of them seemed to be in their late 30’s with dark hair beginning to gray. One of them held a hand out asking them to halt, “Sorry fellas, we have to check for a guild mark before you head inside.”

“Oh of course,” Lucy chirped as she hefted her hand forward. Loke followed her lead, lifting his chin once more to show the new guild mark.

The guard considered their marks, but when his face morphed from stoically polite to confusion Lucy felt her heart begin to race. Had he noticed the brush strokes? Had she not blended it enough? Her eyes shot to her hand, inspecting the mark for any imperfections and doing the same to Loke. It was probably the tail, she made it way to curled-

“Hey Mark,” The guy in front of them called out to the other guard, interrupting Lucy’s thoughts, “This mark belongs to Cait Shelter, doesn’t it?”

Lucy and Loke made eye contact as Mark marched over to them. The spirit gave Lucy a reassuring nod, but she was having a hard time keeping calm. The new guard gave just as much attention to their marks as the first guy, and soon his face shifted to mirror his co-workers, “Yeah. Didn’t they disband around 7 years ago?”

She hadn’t considered that, and she was very quickly beginning to berate herself for not thinking this through. She could have used any other guild besides Fairy Tail, but she was afraid to claim any other guild she didn’t belong too. It would be disrespectful and would probably end in a guild war if the opposing guild ended up mad enough. So she figured using Wendy’s old guild was a safe bet, but obviously these guards weren’t stupid enough to forget a guild that doesn’t even exist anymore.

“Yup, they fell off the face of the earth,” The first guard continued, “Didn’t think any of you guys were left.”

“Oh yeah!” Lucy forced a laugh as she pulled her hand back safely in her cloak. She probably looked pathetic in her weak attempt at stealthily sneaking into the mountain with obviously fake marks, but she wasn’t going to give up yet. Maybe she could salvage this, “We were in hiding for a while! The guild’s just really small now!”

Her laughing died down, and Loke gave out a weak cough before shooting Lucy a look to keep going.

“Well if you’re a wizard, what kind of magic do you use?”

Lucy froze. Her mind stopped, and her fingers started quaking. A numbness started seeping up her legs and her head felt tingly. The fear was returning full force, because she was going to have to tell them. All of her work was going to go straight down the drain, after all the effort she put in to hide herself away. All over a stupid check point on the outskirts of Crocus.

“I’m uh-” She cleared her throat, fighting off the tears threatening to surface again, and then spoke in the softest voice she could muster, “I’m a Celestial Wizard.”

Mark exploded into a grin almost instantly, “Oh a Celestial Wizard! Jonah, that’s what your wife wanted to learn isn’t it?”

_ Wait what? _

These guys didn’t seem to have put anything together as they continued to speak about their personal lives, “Yeah, Serena always wanted to learn but only just got her first key a few months ago. I don’t think she knows how to open the gate though. Maybe she doesn’t have as much magical energy as she thought she did.”

Lucy blinked at the two who were lost in their conversation, “Um, so can we pass?”

The two stopped talking, giving them both a once-over. Jonah looked like he was about to give them authority to cross, but Mark shot an arm out to stop him. He eyed Lucy and Loke in concern, “Wait, if you’re a Celestial Wizard, then you can’t have the right keys to defend yourself. The most powerful keys are the Zodiac Keys and all of them have owners. Lucy Heartfilia of Fairy Tail and Yukino Agria of Saber Tooth.”

“And Lucy Heartfilia owns 10 of them,” Jonah added, “Man that girl sure if something. She did awesome in the Grand Magic Games. I wish I could’ve met her.”

_ No you don’t.  _ She couldn’t help the onslaught of negative emotions that began coursing through her body. It was more than just self depreciation, it was  _ anger _ Anger at these people for talking so fondly of her, as if she was someone worth doting over. As if she was special, strong,  _ worthy _ . She hated it, despised, wanted to destroy this image they had of her here and now because she wasn’t the girl they thought she was. She was a disgrace.

“ ** _Anna_ ** ,” Loke hissed from her side. Lucy shook her head out of her thoughts to face the worried spirit. The two guards were busy in their own conversation, not paying the new wizards much mind. Loke pointed towards her keys secured at her hip, “Call Gemini.”

She physically recoiled, before harshly whispering back, “ _ What?! Are you crazy? That’ll just make me obvious! _ ”

Loke couldn’t quite keep himself from rolling his eyes at her, “They aren’t the brightest, Lucy. Deception is your friend right now.”

Lucy glared at him, not quite understanding  _ why  _ he wanted her to summon one of her zodiac spirits knowing that it would out her true identity. It wasn’t until she thought it over that she realized the last person Gemini had transformed into was Asuka, someone that couldn’t be recognized as a Fairy Tail Wizard by the public. If Gemini was Summoned in the form of Asuka, she could trick these guys.

The tricky part would be summoning Gemini without saying the sentence  _ ‘Open Gate of the Twins’  _ because that would be too obvious. She hasn’t tried to open a gate without specifying what she was doing, but now it wasn’t an option. If she couldn’t accomplish this, then she didn’t belong on that mountain to begin with.

With a deep breath, she pulled the key for Gemini from her best loop. The men noticed her movement and halted their conversation that had moved on to various contestants from the Grand Magic Games. They watched curiously as Lucy outstretched her arm to point the golden key in front of her.

She put all of her focus in summoning the twins, envisioning the mantra in her head instead of speaking it. She put her soul and mind into the summoning and found it causing much more concentration than normal. Without the vocal tether, it took her entire mental capacity to summon them. But she did, and they came in the form of a tiny girl smiling up at two blinking guards.

“Hiya!” The little girl waved up at the two, and even though she knew this Asuka was actually her spirit and not Alzack and Biska’s real flesh and blood daughter, she found the pang in her chest growing heavily. She hadn’t realized how much she missed her.

“Aww this little girl is a spirit?” Jonah kneeled down to meet eye to eye with the girl, “Well don’t you look adorable. You don’t seem capable of hurting a fly.”

“On the contrary,” Asuka spoke, but the intense vocabulary surprised the two guards, and momentarily Lucy and Loke. She had reminded herself that it was actually Gemini talking and not a five year old girl, “I am capable of much destruction you would likely prefer to remain oblivious of.”

“Well,” Jonah coughed out, “That’s a strange little girl you have there.”

“I am not a little girl,” Gemini stomped, pulling their arms to their chest to mimic a little girl pouting, “I am a deadly entity capable of mass destruction.”

“Okay, okay!” Mark conceded in hopes of not riling up the little spirit, “I don’t really want to see that happen. Why don’t you guys just go through, yeah?”

Lucy smiled, bowing in thanks before closing Gemini’s gate, “We’d be happy to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Next chapter is pretty much exclusively Natsu... Mostly ;) Hopefully you all are doing well!
> 
> I wanted to let everyone know I made a Twitter and Instagram if you want to follow me for better updates on the stories! Don't feel pressured to though :)
> 
> My Socials:  
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	8. Lost and Found

Crocus was just as loud and lively as that last time Natsu was here. In fact, it was getting awfully close to being too loud and too lively with the amount of people who  _ wouldn’t leave him alone. _

From the moment he stepped into the large city, he couldn’t avoid the numerous shop keepers and young ladies from flocking him at every angle. He had too many boney elbows jabbed at his side and too many pointy papers poking him in the eye as they begged for autographs, hugs, and various other forms of physical contact. He was getting annoyed of constantly being recognized and badgered by the public for his attention, especially since no one even cared about him like this until that damn tournament. 

He had enjoyed his life being occasionally recognized as a Fairy Tail wizard when he ventured out of Magnolia, but he hated the celebrity status they gave him. He didn’t belong on a pedestal, he belonged on the battlefield using his magic for good. He didn’t mind the praise at Carbume as much, besides the fact that his guilt clouded his ability to accept it, because at least he had worked for it by helping them. Crocus only saw him as the guy that defeated the twin dragons on his own. The one from the guild that came directly from the bottom and showed up every single guild that had wormed their way to the top in the past seven years. They didn’t praise him for saving their city, it was impossible considering the entirety of Fiore couldn't even remember the Eclipse Gate. No, they praised him for winning the Grand Magic Games, as if that’s what his entire existence amounted to.

He tried to politely shake off the crowd without causing a scene, and it worked as eventually the group dwindled down as he worked his way further into the city. A few of them were awfully persistent with their desires, demanding the dragon slayer to give them  _ something  _ after having ignored them the entire time. They gave up over time, because Natsu was not in the mind frame to give in to demands right now.

It didn’t make much sense to him either. His life had changed so drastically in the past year, or really the past eight years if you count the seven he was trapped on Tenrou Island in a temporary stasis. He’d gone on so many adventures with his friends, good and bad. He’d saved Magnolia from Laxus and Thunder Legion along with the rest of the guild during Laxus’s little rebellion. He’d helped protect Wendy’s guild in Nirvana, worked together to save Earth Land from the king of Edolas, fought against Hades and Grimoire Heart on Tenrou Island, disappeared for years only to come back to everything he’d ever known changed for good. His guild mates had aged, Fairy Tail crumbled, and they were the laughing stock of Magnolia. Then he and the rest of Fairy Tail proved themselves to Fiore and the rest of the judgmental guilds, and ended up risking their lives to fight off seven dragons that escaped the Eclipse Gate.

And Crocus only seemed to remember one little event, the fight between him and Sting and Rogue.

He wasn’t left alone until the second hour of his arrival, by then his attendance had lost it’s marvel and he became just as unimportant as everyone else roaming the streets. He caught sight of the large cardboard cut out of him and Gray, arguing over food. There was a window sign of Erza smiling down at the entrance to a shop and another cut out of Lucy perched on the ground as she waved at a basket of Plue plushies ready for purchase.

He let himself stop as he saw her face. He hadn’t seen her in almost two weeks, and one of those weeks he was asleep, but it still felt like too long. His worry and fear has made each day, hour, and minute feel like an eternity. He stalked closer to the cardboard impersonation. Realistically he knew this wasn’t Lucy. Lucy wasn’t made of cardboard, forced to stay in one position for the rest of her life. Lucy is a strong capable wizard with intelligence, not an advertisement on the side of the street. But Natsu couldn’t tell that to his heart that was yearning to hug her, hold her, and make everything right again.

The only stupid decision she’s ever made was the choice to run away, but Natsu couldn’t even blame her with how the guild had handled the situation. But that’s okay. Actually it wasn’t, not until he found her and she hopefully forgave Gray, but he could pretend it was okay if only so he doesn’t break down. 

He took a deep breath, taking in the scent of pretzels, hotdogs, dust kicked up into the air, cheap cologne, fresh stream water, paint fumes, lilies, honey,  _ soft, love, compassion, need… _

Natsu’s eyes dilated, resembling an almost entirely black orb. He took in another breath, stronger this time, and caught the same scents as before, only much more prominent now that he was paying attention. That wasn’t just the scent of the surroundings of Crocus, that was  _ Lucy.  _ She was here, she was  _ just here! _

Maybe she was still here.

He took one last glance at the fake Lucy that was giving him much needed comfort just a few seconds ago, and gave her a small grateful smile, “I’m comin’ for ya Luce. Don’t go too far.”

He dashed from his spot moments later, nearly toppling over a few people who he could hear shouting from behind him. But he couldn’t get himself to care. He had a one track mind filled with Lucy’s scent, guiding him through the streets of Crocus like a hunting dog. He skillfully maneuvered himself between the crowd as the scent got intoxicatingly sweet. It was like he was addicted to it, and it was hard to focus on his surroundings until he found himself face a busy street cart. This is where he got the awful paint smell from, but Lucy’s scent was all over this cart, covering up the overwhelming paint scent with her lilies and honey. If he took more time to sniff the air, he could make out the remnants of Loke’s scent too, and Natsu couldn’t be happier.

He let his gaze scan the area, unable to pinpoint where Lucy was among the people. It was a busy city with loads to do and plenty of people to do it, which meant each street was packed with tourists and locals alike. He looked at each individual person in line, hoping to see her face, her hair, her keys, anything that was distinguishingly Lucy, but found nothing but cautious glances and creeped out expressions at having caught him looking in their direction. He turned in circles, desperate for even a glimpse of her. He tried to pinpoint her location, but her scent was moving with the people, hiding where she may have been or moved too.

He felt his heart drop, panic flooding his system again. He got his hopes up, but he was so positive he would find her here unharmed, healthy, and happy. It was wishful thinking, but at the very least he had hoped to  _ find her _ . Whether she was healthy and happy could be fixed eventually. But instead he got nothing but an empty heart and her lingering scent taunting him with what could have been.

But her scent was  _ here _ . Meaning she was here at some point. And he wanted to bet she probably bought something at this very cart, with smelly paint and funny looking paint brushes. The man working it was servicing another man, handing him some cheap scrap metal with a smile. The line was moving fast, but not fast enough for his liking. He didn’t have the time to wait in line when she could be getting farther and farther from him with every passing minute.

So he did what would probably have had Erza strangling him for, and marched right up to the front of the line. He ignored the loud protests from the other people waiting behind him, and as they got louder, he gave a heavy glare that thankfully had most of them backing down. His eyes were full of fire, passion, and determination that said _ I dare you to try stopping me _ . It had everyone shuffling back, giving the dragon slayer space to turn back to the angry looking cart worker, “Hey have-”

“What the hell, man!” The man interrupted, throwing his hand dramatically in front of him in display of irritation, “You can’t disrupt my business like that! Wait in line like everyone else!”

He was rather short with his head only coming up to Natsu’s chest and was coated in thin layers of soot and paint, likely from the products he sold and worked with. He was probably only a few years older than himself, but he held himself with strength as if to compensate for his small stature. His face was scrunched up causing the veins in his face to stand out against his dirtied skin.

“I don’t have time to wait in line,” Natsu seethed, his voice coming out like a growl that momentarily had the other faltering, “My friend could be in danger and you want me to wait in your damn line?”

The paint scent was so strong at the cart it was almost nauseating. Natsu fought off the urge to gag at the fumes, making his glare look a bit more like a disgusted grimace. He tried to focus on the honey and lilies still winding through the wind, drawing comfort from the smell as much as possible.

“Look buddy,” The man shouted back as he quickly recovered from his shock, “You don’t get to come here demanding things and expect me to follow along!”

“Come on, man,” Natsu groaned with annoyance as he leveled him with a childish pout, “It’ll only take me a minute to ask you a question and for you to answer. No need to get all pissy over it.”

“This,” The man circled his arms to gesture at his stand and waiting customers, “is a business! I have things to sell and people to sell them too. No one is telling me what to do,  _ especially  _ you!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Natsu narrowed his eyes at the man, letting his temper rise again as he was faced with yet another roadblock in his journey. Here he was, close enough to literally  _ smell her _ , and this child sized man was going to stop him?

“It means if you don’t fuck right off, I’ll call the guard to dispose of you. Or better yet, I’ll take care of you myself.”

There was a crowd growing around them as the man squared his shoulders and set his fist in position. The line had separated, giving Natsu room to back up enough for a proper fight if he wanted to. The city was eagerly waiting, almost matching the excitement and anticipation that the Grand Magic Games must give them every year. It was like an addiction to them, they only say their brawl as entertainment.

“Oh really?” Natsu scoffed, eyeing the man in amusement. He was surprised the man was so willing to fight him given his history with Sting and Rogue. It seemed regardless of the amount of shops that plastered his face over their products, this guy didn’t recognize him, “You’re gonna beat me up? You’re like half my size!”

As if to prove his point, Natsu extended his arm straight out to let his palm land on the others head, which only proved to anger him more, “I may be small, but I pack a punch!”

Natsu sighed at the cart employee, rolling his eyes in annoyance before giving him an amused stare, “Alright if it’s a fight you want, I’ll give it to you. I never back down from a brawl.”

The man blinked at him in confusion, obviously not expecting him to give in. He looked side to side at the surrounding citizens that had begun to circle around them in awe, waiting for the first punch. Natsu rolling his shoulders, preparing his fists in front of his face, “So we doin’ this with or without magic?”

Natsu grinned in satisfaction when the guy gulped, letting the fear finally show on his face as his previous cocky nature drained out, “M-magic?”

Ah, so he wasn’t a magic user. He seemed to have a lot of confidence to challenge anyone knowing he didn’t have a single spell to his name. 

“Yeah, magic,” Natsu repeated as if it was obvious, “If you don’t have magic that’s fine, I can fight without fire.”

“I didn’t know you had magic.”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. How had this guy seriously not recognized him? His whole existence just screamed  _ wizard _ . Not to mention he was broadcasted across Fiore for everyone to see. Maybe this guy just wasn’t a fan of the tournament?

His opponent inspected his form, letting his eyes roam over his shoes, tunic, bright pink hair, and finally landing on his guild mark. Natsu could see the moment the revelation struck and his fear grew tenfold. His fists were twitching and his legs were shaking in fear. With the crowd that he had drawn together, it wasn’t likely he would back down unless he would rather face embarrassment. So he gave the man one last chance to surrender, “Or, you could just answer my questions and we could skip this whole thing.”

The other swallowed his emotions, licking his lips in thought. The spectators let their head swivel to each of them, until the man spoke up and everyone turned to him, “What questions?”

“About my colleague. I’m sure you’ve heard about her in the news,” Natsu replied calmly, letting the fight ease out of him with each passing second, “Lucy Heartfilia. She was here.”

“The Celestial Wizard?” The man asked cautiously, “I haven’t seen her.”

“Bullshit!” he suddenly cursed, causing the crowd to watch carefully for the fight they had been hoping for, “Her scent is all over your little cart,” Natsu slowly stalked towards the small man. He looked every bit terrifying as the rumors said he could be, “Think. Blonde hair, pink guild mark, probably has an orange haired guy with her.”

The man shook his head, curling and uncurling his fist as his eyes darted from face to face in search of an answer, “I swear man, I didn’t see her! I would remember if I did, she doesn't exactly blend in with your guilds popularity.’

“That didn’t stop you from not recognizing me,” Natsu shot back with anger coating his voice, but quickly calmed himself down. He forced his agitation to simmer below his skin. He couldn’t lash out here or else the guild would be answering to it. When he sighed and turned his back to the cart owner, the crowd dispersed in disappointment. The man gave a sigh of relief before offering Natsu an apology, “I’m sorry about your friend. I’ll keep an eye out for her, if you’d like.”

Natsu gave him a soft smile, but his sadness dripped into it more than he wanted it to, “Yeah thanks, I’d appreciate that. Um, sorry for like, ruining your business,” He gestured to the now non existent line.

“It’s alright,” he waved it off with a grim expression, suddenly less bothered by his lack of customers, “I’m sure they’ll come back eventually.”

“Well in case it takes a while,” Natsu said, offering him a handful of jewel, “This should make up for it.”

“What?” He gasped, “I can’t take this.”

“I’m not asking,” Natsu pushed his hand closer, hoping his smile brightened just enough for the man to accept. He deliberated for a moment longer, but eventually took the jewel into his own hand. Natsu bid him a good day, turning to walk back the way he came. His mood had dropped significantly, and not even the faces of his guild mates all over the city were cheering up his mood.

He had been so close. He knew she was there, otherwise her scent wouldn't be clouding around him. He tried to take comfort from it again, but it only caused him to shiver as he held in his tears. He shouldn’t have put all of his faith in the scent trail, but he felt he owed himself some slack.

He sighed as he rubbed his palm over his face, pressing into his eye sockets for a moment and grasping his bearing once more. He couldn’t give up after one failure. Aphrosilia told him to check magic shops and training facilities. It was already around 6 pm and he had yet to check any of them. He turned around in a circle, as he was trying to figure out where to go first, when he noticed an elderly man hobbling over to him. At first he couldn’t tell if he was heading towards him or not but when they made eye contact and the man gave him a smile and a wave to come closer, he decided to do as he was told.

He was quick to approach him, letting the man have a chance to rest his legs. He gave Natsu a friendly smile, “Hello Mr. Dragneel. I’m glad to see you recovered after the Grand Magic Games.”

Natsu laughed awkwardly, the games had been  _ months  _ ago. Of course he’d recovered, “Yeah! All healed!”

He raised his one bare arm to show the lack of cuts or bruises, and the man hummed along in agreement, “My, my young man. You sure are an active one you know. Going from mission to mission, and coming all this way to find your friend. You sure are a determined fellow.”

Natsu didn’t have a chance to respond before the old man was talking again, “My name is Edmond Mulberry. I own a magic shop not far from that cart you were at a moment ago,” He said pointing in the direction of the wooden structure, “It’s been in my family for generations. We sell as sorts of magic trinkets.”

“A magic shop?” Natsu perked up at the mention, “Did you happen to see my friend? Lucy Heartfilia? Blond Hair, Pink Fairy Tail mark, Celestial Keys, she might have an orange haired guy with her?”

“Hmm,” he tapped his fingers against his temple, “No blonde girls with an orange haired man, but there was a  _ brunette  _ with an orange haired man. She went through great lengths to conceal it, I would say. She had a cloak wrapped around her body both times she visited me.”

“Are you sure? She had brown hair?” Natsu questioned with concern.

Was it possible that Lucy dyed her hair? He hadn’t considered it before. She always took pride in her appearance, her hair being one of the larger parts of it. The blonde was a staple to her family name, and it was so secret she loved it with all her being. If she went as far as to dye it…

He couldn’t dwell on it and risk letting himself fall further into his own fears and insecurities. He couldn’t help her unless he found her. Once he was within arms length of his best friend again is when he can revisit these worries and figure out what it means.

“Oh yes, my boy. Definitely a brunette. But! She did have a pouch attached to her hip, and judging by the large ring peeking out of it, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was a Celestial Wizard. Call it a hunch, but not much gets past this eye,” Edmond gave Natsu a wink and small chuckle.

“Do you think it’s her? Maybe she dyed her hair?” Natsu hoped this man was talking about his Lucy and not some random girl with an orange haired man.

The man nodded, “She was very mysterious, trying to hide her identity. I tend to be right about these things. I have a feeling your friend was the same one that asked me about Mount Dormala this morning.”

Edmond pointed towards the large Mountain across town, “She was headed there. The mountain requires a guild mark to enter and has a multitude of monsters. It’s a hunting ground for wizards to practice magic.”

“Lucy went there alone?” Natsu pondered, feeling the worry clutch at his chest again. The mountain looks unassuming from a far, but he’s sure that as he gets closer, the dangers will become apparent.

“I would hurry if I were you,” The old man warned, “The farther into the mountain she gets the harder it will be to find her.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. With a quick thank you to Edmond, Natsu took off in a sprint towards the mountain. With night descending upon the city, street lamps began to illuminate the ground and families started to abandon the streets in favor of taking shelter indoors. Mothers were serving dinner and children were playing in their rooms. Fathers were coming home from work and restaurants were serving their dinner rush. But Natsu was running towards a mountain, because that’s where his best friend was.

As he got closer, the city disappeared behind tree lines and Lucy’s scent returned tenfold. Lilies and honey gave him the energy to press forward faster than before, leaving trails of dust in his place. As the entrance to the mountain came in sight, he allowed his body to slow. The two guards stood quickly as he finally stopped, heaving heavy breaths as he impatiently waited for the two men to let him through.

“Hello, do you have a guild mark?” One asked, which Natsu quickly showed to the two.

“Ah Fairy Tail!” He cheered, “Your Natsu Dragneel right? Man your guild is so cool!”

“Yeah, yeah,” He replied breathily, “Our guild is pretty sweet. Can I go in now?”

“Oh, yeah. Of course,” He replied, quickly making room for the dragon slayer to enter. As soon as he entered, he could smell Lucy distantly in the forest. As if he had a rope to follow, Natsu ran through the trees and forest brush, calling for her name. A fog settled over the mountain, making his eyesight hazy, but he refused to let that stop him. He called again, hoping she would hear him. He was getting ready to call for a third time, but an orange mane appeared between the trees.

“Loke?” Natsu asked, letting his grin grow on his face, “You’re here! Where’s Lucy?”

He ran up to the spirit, expected to see Lucy following closely behind. But as he got closer, he noticed the lack of the female wizard and the very apparent anxious face of Loke.

“Shut up Natsu!” Loke hushed him harshly. He rushed passed the dragon slayer, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him closer to the open path Natsu had come from. He remained quiet, allowing Loke to take him where he pleased, and eventually sitting himself beside the spirit on a large stone in the ground.

Loke exhaled loudly as he sat, resting his forearms on his knees. He was missing his signature suit, and wasn’t even wearing the green coat Natsu had grown accustomed to seeing him in during his three year stay in Earth Land. Instead he wore a black hoodie that Natsu had never imagined the man would wear even if he was forced into it. He wanted to question the spirit as to why he dragged Natsu further from Lucy. Her scent was so strong now, and now that he knew she was near, he wanted to run to her immediately.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Loke spoke suddenly, “You look a lot better.”

He supposed he was referencing his near death experience that led to Lucy running away and him being forced into a coma for a week, “Yeah, a long sleep does you wonders. You know, except when you wake up and find out your best friend ran away because your other best friend was a dumbass.”

“I’m glad you came,” Loke spoke suddenly, “But I’m afraid letting you see Lucy might be a bad idea right now.”

Natsu flinched back as if the word struck him like a slap, “ _ What? _ ”

“Look,” Loke sighed, flicking his palms up as he talked, “Lucy hasn’t been herself. I don’t know how much you know about what happened-”

“I know it all,” Natsu was quick to inform him, which Loke nodded in understanding.

“Well then you know what Gray did was fucked up,” Loke said venomously, letting his glare attack the nearest bush.

“I made that pretty clear to him,” Natsu’s face hardened and the memory back at the guild. Of Gray’s apologies and Erza’s regret. Wendy had sobbed into his chest, beggin Natsu’s forgiveness. It was hard to forget when the pain was ever present, “He won’t be doing anything like that again, and wants to apologize if Lucy will allow him.”

“That’s the problem,” Loke said with exasperation, “She doesn’t think he was wrong. She thinks so poorly of herself. There’s moments where I see progress, but it all goes to waste the moment someone compliments or praises her. She didn’t leave because Gray hurt her feelings. She left because she thinks he’s right. She thinks she needs to get stronger and anyone who tells her otherwise is lying to her.”

“So why can’t I talk to her?” Natsu shook his head in confusion, turning to face the spirit, “Would I make it worse?”

“You’re her main source of pain, Natsu,” Loke explained grimly, “Her entire thought process has been revolving around how she feels she almost killed you. For awhile, I thought you would be the only thing that could save her from herself, but I’m afraid it might do more harm than good. She’s not the same person you remember her as, I don’t know if she even remembers how to act like Lucy Heartfilia. She’s gone through great lengths to erase anything that resembles who she used to be. I’m surprised you even found us.”

“No one can keep me from the person I love,” Natsu explained softly, almost too soft to be heard. But Loke did, and he gave Natsu a heartbreaking expression.

“I’m so sorry Natsu, I… I didn’t know. I mean I kind of did. I had my suspicions but-” Loke paused, sighing out his surprise to calm himself down, “I know this is probably hard for you.”

Natsu could feel the tears coming back, but he forced them back. He couldn’t cry right now. Lucy was  _ right there.  _ He was less than a mile away from the girl and he was sitting on a damn rock talking to her celestial spirit instead. Nothing against Loke, but he really shouldn’t be here.

“If I bring you to her,” Loke spoke again, but his voice sounded strained, “And she reacts badly, she might lose her trust in me. And I’m not sure how she’ll handle that. It took me so long to get her to lean on me a bit, to let me bare a bit of the weight of responsibility. Her guilt is controlling her, and if she loses her trust in me then there’s no telling if she’ll trust her other spirits. It’ll ruin her and her bonds with them, and she’ll be alone running herself into the ground until she loses it.”

“What do you mean, ‘loses it’?” Natsu suddenly feared the worst, and his heart really couldn’t take it.

“I mean she might kill herself. By exhaustion, overwork, throwing herself in dangerous situations,” Loke licked his lips, his eye brows creasing as he fought off his own wave of tears, “I don’t want to entertain the idea of it being intentional, but I can’t tell anymore Natsu. I can feel her pain through our bond and there are times when it gets so bad I don’t want to let her out of my sight.”

“It’s that bad?” Natsu whispered, more to himself than Loke. He hated himself for taking so long, for letting Lucy hurt like this for so long. He hated Gray for causing it and he hated the universe for not intervening.

“There are better moments,” Loke explained in a brighter tone, “Today she was acting a bit brighter, making jokes and such. It was only for about an hour but it was something. I was nervous about leaving her to come find you because she’s developed a fear of being alone, but luckily she’s sparring with Capricorn right now so I was able to sneak away and find you to have this talk.”

It did sound like a complicated situation. If he was in Loke’s situation, he wouldn’t know what to do either. His heart was yearning to go to Lucy. he couldn’t leave her to continue suffering. But if Loke was right and his appearance could make things worse, then why would he selfishly ignore that fact and go anyways? It was a selfish thing to do, but damn was it tempting.

He was getting ready to tell Loke he would give her time. That he would stay in contact and let Loke work on this until he thought Natsu could help. He had opened his mouth to speak, but instead of his voice, it was Lucy’s screams that bounced off the tree trunks.

He threw his thoughts to the back burner, immediately coming to a stand. Just as Natsu got ready to run, Loke had disappeared in a flash of light. Natsu threw his caution to the wind, forgetting his decision to leave and jumping through the hurdles that were rocks and bushes until Lucy’s screams halted. He momentarily stopped, fear gripping his every being because he had no idea if the fact that Lucy stopped screaming was a good thing or not.

He kept going, pushing his way through a few trees until he reached a campsite. He tried to catch his breath as he took in the scene before him. On the floor was a large frog looking creature, dead and oozing a blue goo onto the rocky ground with Loke standing atop it and Capricorn directly in front of it. Beside the creature stood a figure dressed in dark clothes, a tattered cloak in a pile beside her feet. Gone was the long blonde locks, instead replaced with short brown hair. Her pink clothes were replaced with dark pants and clunky boots. She had tears in her long sleeved shirt, exposing a few bloody cuts around her torso and arms. She was clutching whip covered in the blood goo, breathing heavily as she glared at the monster that had attacked her.

It was Lucy, and she looked so different. Loke wasn’t joking when she said she wasn’t herself. He could tell just from looking at her that this Lucy wasn’t going to hop back to normal. He was debating on hiding himself or making himself known when she landed her eyesight on him. He could tell the moment the recognition flashed in her eyes. The fear that appeared was real, and it was of him. He could tell she was going to bolt seconds before she did it, but his brain couldn’t process it until she was already rushing through the forest.

“Lucy!” Loke called, attempting to run for her, but Natsu was faster.

“I’ll get her Loke!” He shouted behind him, leaving the spirit to look in their direction in concern, “Let me take care of this!”

Looks like Natsu was here to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys I literally cranked this out in like three hours but then when I went to edit it and flesh it out I felt like it was missing something. I still can't tell what it is but I didn't want to keep sitting on a finished chapter lol. I really hope you liked it! Let me know what you think :)
> 
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	9. A Companion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsu finally reaches Lucy

The guild had been withdrawn ever since Natsu left to chase after Lucy. The news had been shocking. After so long with nothing, Lucy gave the most miniscule trail and the dragon slayer had followed instantly. Though no one was against his sudden departure, the guild was nervously picking at food and drinks in the guild hall since he left. Job posting had been ignored, meaning other guilds were forced to pick up their slack. Everyone was impatiently waiting for some sort or message, a sign that they were okay.

Luckily, Magnolia and the rest of Fiore had been incredibly understanding of their predicament. Their hometown had lent Fairy Tail as much support as they could, oftentimes offering the guild members any passing information they could find out about the two missing members. Saber Tooth, Lamia Scale, Blue Pegasus, and the other guilds Fairy Tail had grown close to were offering their assistance, willing to fill the void Natsu and Lucy left in the guild hall by accompanying wizards on jobs when needed to keep morale up. The Magnolia guild became a meeting ground for other guilds quite fast, usually with a large number of dragon slayers clustered together as they discussed whatever new information they had gathered.

There wasn’t much they could do besides wait and hope that Natsu and Lucy returned unharmed, but that didn’t stop the rowdy bunch of guild members from trying to help in their own ways.

Makarov had taken to resting in the S Class lounge, overlooking the guild with careful eyes. He kept a watch on his children that were taking Lucy's departure harder than others. Levy had a rough couple of weeks, refusing to give up on finding Lucy even after Natsu had already left to find her. She could be found in the library more often than not with Pantherlily worryingly sitting next to her until Fairy Tails resident Iron Dragon Slayer appeared to drag her back to Fairy Hills each night to rest.

Romeo appeared just as distraught as Wendy, mirroring her horror as if he was soaking up her emotions. They became inseparable from each other rather fast and Makarov could see Carla didn’t seem to mind Wendy having a companion her age as much as she acted like she did. The two youngsters clung to each other just as much as they clung to Mira and Erza lately, searching for a stable comfort from their family.

Various other members were coping in their own way, some taking obvious choices to control their emotions and some surprising everyone with their uncommon actions.

Cana had significantly cut back on her alcohol consumption, making today the fifth day she hadn’t touched a drop of the guild’s famous beer. She spent most of her time at home lately, and if the rumors were true she planned to follow Gildarts during his next job request. The guild master surmised it may do her some good to spend time with family, away from the doom and gloom that had wafted through Magnolia. 

Elfman had gotten louder than ever, ranting and raving about Natsu and Lucy’s “Manliness” at all hours of the day. Unfortunately, the constant reminder of their missing members put a damper in his praise but no one silenced him.

Mira had Lisanna under one arm and Wendy and Romeo under the other almost daily. The She-Devil had always been a motherly type, especially when it came to her siblings, so she was sure to keep Lisanna close during the guild's darker moments. Though Makarov could see the sadness looming over Mirajanes head that couldn’t be hidden behind a smile. He had to commend her ability to push it aside to be a pillar for the children, something she was very good at.

His most worrisome bunch happened to be the rest of Team Natsu, who had been reduced to Gray and Erza, and occasionally Wendy, brooding at a corner table most days. While no one blamed Gray as much they did in the beginning, that didn’t stop the ice wizard from blaming himself. Makarov knew the guilt would weigh on the boy for some time, until Lucy could hear his apologies straight from his lips.

Makarov didn’t doubt that his family would forgive the ice mage, after all Fairy Tail had forgiven much more heinous crimes in the past. Though it still left an odd feeling in the air, afterall it wasn’t the guild Gray had wronged. Whether Fairy Tail forgave him or not wouldn’t ease the pain in his heart, that was up to Lucy. And Makarov honestly wasn't sure how easy it would be for Lucy to jump back to herself. None of them were aware of what the brunette had gone through since leaving, but the older man had enough common sense to know the mind can be a deadly battle field.

Erza tried her best to be there for Gray, while also comforting Wendy and Romeo, but her own guilty conscience kept her from fully providing any sense of stability. She was Titania, the Queen of the Fairies, but she was still only a human. One with feelings and emotions that overpowered her own willpower some times.

Makarov was at loss, watching his guild fall apart at the seams without the ability to prevent the downfall. Eventually The town would move on, and their neighboring guild would need to focus on themselves. The Grand Magic Games would come back around and Fairy Tail would have to sit out of the festivities if the gloom wasn’t cleared up by then. Relationships were both strengthening and breaking as the depression cloud filtered through all his children, he could only hope the grief and mourning would be over quick enough for everything to be restored with care by the time Natsu returned.

“Hey Old Man,” A familiar voice bounced against the wood paneling as a figure grew closer to the railing the guild master was sitting on. Makarov didn’t turn to look at the newcomer as the larger wizard leaned against the wall next to him.

“Laxus,” The older hummed, “How are you doing?”

“Decent,” The Lightning Dragon Slayer drew straight to the point, knowing driving around the subject would only end in more of a headache than anything else. It was obvious what the question was hinting at, and Laxus wasn’t as much of an idiot as some of the other Dragon Slayers tended to be when it came to serious discussions.

“And the Thunder Legion?”

Laxus let out a grunt in answer, as he thought over the last few weeks, “They’re okay. Dealing with it about the same as the rest of the guild.”

Makarov let out a sound of agreement, watching as Happy gloomily flew into the guild, headed straight for Wendy and Romeo’s seat by the bar. Mira quietly greeted the blue cat as Lisanna pulled him against her chest for a hug that the feline reciprocated with tearful eyes.

“Do you think actually she’s coming back?” Laxus asked as he watched the scene with his own eyes. He worded it in a way that suggested he already thought about the possibility of Lucy never returning, but even Makarov couldn’t deny that the likelihood of it coming true seemed awfully high.

But if there’s one thing he knows about his children, is that they’re stubborn brats. Lucy wasn’t exempt from that, no matter how innocent she was. Fairy Tail worked hard and never surrendered, even when they were headed to defeat. They gave their all, every last drop of magic power, even when their bones were broken and their flesh charred, if it meant they could protect their friends.

Lucy was a lot like Natsu in that way, always trying to be the best she can be. In her notes directed to the guild, she put emphasis on her need to be stronger to protect those she loves. It’s because they matter to her, it’s because she cares about her friends. She wouldn’t abandon the only home she’s loved so deeply, she just wants to feel like she belongs there.

* * *

_ Dear Master Makarov, _

_ I’m aware you have read or plan to read the message directed to the rest of the guild, so I’ll keep this note short. _

_ Thank you for being a father for me when my own was absent. Thank you for taking me in even with my magic capabilities being so much lower than it should have been. I’m sorry for leaving so suddenly and I hope you can forgive my hastiness. _

_ I do wish to return, if you would permit it. I don’t know when that will be, but if I do return and you point me towards the door I won’t hold it against you. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Lucy Heartfilia _

* * *

“I do,” He stated, but his face was hard as stone as he watched Gray absentmindedly string his straw in his beverage that had melted rings of condensation to the wooden table he sat at, “But it’s a matter of when.”

“Makes sense,” Laxus murmured in a low voice, “I don’t exactly blame her. But with her and Natsu gone it's gonna make the guild depressing until they get back.”

“That’s what I worry about,” Makarov admitted with a sigh as he brought his thumb and index finger to rub his temples, “I don’t wish for my children to suffer, Lucy or the rest of Fairy Tail, but we cannot force her to return until she’s ready. Until then, we are down two powerful wizards, two precious family members. Morale will be low, the air will be tense, but just as before when we lost members to various circumstances, we will have to remain as strong as before in spirit.”

“You seem pretty sure about her coming back,” Laxus smirked knowingly, “Not that I think you’re wrong.”

“I know Natsu is what Lucy needs most right now,” Makarov was certain that the celestial wizard needed to see a familiar face, needed to have someone by her side until she was ready to return, “But the guild’s presence is only going to hurt her more than anything else. I know things seem bleak in the present, but the future holds brightness so long as we create it.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means we need to prepare ourselves,” Makarov stated simply, finally turning to face his grandson with a soft smile, “We need to be strong for ourselves and for our hurt brothers and sisters. Fairy Tail needs to be a place of warmth, not a place of suffering. When Lucy returns, we will be there for her. But in order to be there for her, we need to heal ourselves first.”

* * *

The passing trees were a blur as Natsu trailed after Lucy’s scent. Her figure was blending in with the scenery, making it hard to pinpoint her location with anything other than the sweet smelling lilies and honey that brought Natsu to this mountain in the first place. The sun had long since set below the horizon, making the darkened woods become more of a hindrance. Natsu wouldn’t have much of a problem with his heightened senses, but Lucy on the other hand would find herself struggling to escape Natsu eventually. 

He hated that he had to rely on that in order to get her to stop running away from him.

He could hear her breathing, heavy and rough with barely contained gasps every few seconds. With every other step she was letting out vocal cues that only aided Natsu in following her. The ground almost felt like it was shaking as he bounded over the tree roots and jumped high above the shrubs. He wasn’t far behind her, in fact he could see her short brown hair bumping into the hair in time with her movements. She was weaving between trees, attempting to trick Natsu into losing her, but even she had to know it wouldn’t work. She couldn’t lose him as easily as she wanted to.

He had to force himself to not let that hurt his pride. It wasn’t her fault that she was like this, terrified and hurting. He wouldn’t hold it against her.

He wasn’t sure whether he should let her run until she either tired herself out or gave up, or if he should force her to stop somehow. He wanted to avoid that if possible, because that would only make him feel more like a villain, but he couldn’t see a realistic way she would give in any time soon. She would most likely run until her legs gave out on her, letting her panic drive her to the edge.

Just as he was contemplating his choices, Lucy’s high pitched yelp broke through the rustling wildlife as she went tumbling to the ground. She pulled herself into a ball as she rolled along the forest, letting her limbs take most of the damage. She came skidding to a stop as she landed hard against a tree with Natsu barely managing to slow down just a few feet away. Natsu winced in sympathy, imaging just how painful the fall must have been.

The brunette was facing away from Natsu, cradling her head as little hisses left her lips. Her fingers were delicately pressing along her skull in an attempt to alleviate the stinging. Natsu could see minor cuts littering her exposed skin, trailing all the way up her body until it was hidden by bandages or clothing. It was reminiscent of how they looked after a major battle, with bloodied limbs, torn clothing, and matted hair. It was inescapable in battle, and Lucy was no exception. 

But he hated seeing her in such a state because they drove her there. He hated that she was suffering alone, that she was broken and left to piece herself back together without her family there to walk her through each step. She barely resembled the perky blonde celestial spirit mage that kicked him out of her apartment two weeks ago. She used to be so confident, so happy, so kind and caring.

But now her shoulders were trembling, her confidence was broken, she was frozen in fear and she still hadn’t turned to face Natsu.

She had to know he was there, but he was hesitant to startle her. He never was one to be overly cautious, considering he destroyed the town of almost every mission he’s ever been a part of, but he was trying something new, something that meant he needed to tread carefully through this issue. He didn’t want to screw this up, because this was his best friend, hurting and scared.

“Lucy?” He tried his best to make his voice soft, unthreatening, as he took a slow step forward.

He could see the flinch instantly, but he tried to keep it from affecting him. Lucy was still sitting on the ground, hiding her head in her arms protectively as Natsu approached her. She had yet to respond to his presence, and Natsu wasn’t going to force it. Instead he sat himself down right behind her, giving about a foot of room between their bodies.

He was here, just inches away from her, yet it felt like a mile. He could reach out his arm and pet her hair, hold her in his arms, rest his forehead on hers as he tells her how amazing she is. He can tell her how much he missed her, how important she is to the team, to Fairy Tail, to him. His heart was racing as he tried to conjure the words to say to the girl he’s been searching for. 

“Luce?” He tried again, his voice shaking slightly at the end.

“Don’t-” She choked out suddenly, startling the dragon slayer enough to nearly jump in his own skin.

Lucy was shivering, yet at the same time she was burning up so much her face felt numb. Pinpricks of heat flashed through her body with the light shudders jostling her limbs, occasionally rocking her head to the side when the force jumped through her arms. The ground below was cooling her skin, trying to sap the warmth right out of her body but the heat remained, suffocating her as she tried to remain calm.

At first she thought the culprit of the sudden heat was Natsu, but she could feel it rising in herself. Like the blood in her veins was magnetized to the surface of her skin, letting all the warmth burn her with furocity.

She was curled up in a protective ball, yet she could feel Natsu sitting behind her, too close to her liking. 

He was injured, sick,  _ dying  _ and it was all her fault. He was supposed to be at the guildhall recovering, going on jobs with Erza, Gray, Wendy, and Happy, the perfect team. She left him behind to be treated, to live his life without her weighing him down. He was supposed to be asleep for a week at least, had it already been a week? How had he recovered so quickly?

He was  _ here. _

_ Why was he here? _

The warmth Natsu radiated was overbearing, mixing with her own overwhelming heat. She wished she could take comfort in his presence, wished she could be excited that he was with her again alive and well, but the fear she felt at seeing him again prevented her from a happy reunion. She didn’t deserve his comfort, his warmth, his kindness or his heart. She deserved to suffer alone, in the shadowed wilderness until she could become a wizard worthy of Fairy Tail, one Natsu could be proud of.

Until then, she didn’t deserve to see him.

Her body was achy and quivering with exertion, heat floating to the surface of every inch of skin until she couldn’t even feel her fingers grasping at her arms anymore. It reminded her too much of Jonathon’s magic, too much like the isolating burning pain she had become accustomed to that she wanted to rip her skin apart.

It almost felt like she was going crazy, like she was moments from passing out or even dying entirely. Air came in short gasps that never reached the depths of her lungs, black tinged the outer edges of her sight, her nails had dug into her wrists but the sting of punctured skin and blood did nothing to jolt her into awareness.

In the back of her mind, she could recognize she might be overreacting, she might be freaking out a little more than was warranted, but she couldn’t tell that to her shaking legs or her racing heart.

“-ease. Luce it’s oka- s’just me,” Natsu’s voice sounded muffled, distant yet louder than Lucy had remembered him being.

“Wha-” She tried to respond but was cut off by a rough cough that left her breathless, forcing her hands to catch herself from falling forward into the dirt below.

Her eyes shot open at the sudden shift, landing on her blood coated fingernails as she dug them into the forest floor for stability. It was thick and dark and red,  _ so red _ , trapped under her bare nails. Suddenly she could feel everything, the tears in her wrists, the tension in her muscles, the ache in her chest and the large arms around her body.

Natsu was wrapped around her from behind, his chest plastered against her back as he gently rubbed down her arms. The feeling was coming back to her now, and the heat that was burning against her skin was dying down and being replaced with a comforting warmth as his calloused hands scratched against her. He was muttering things into her ear, though most of it was gibberish as he tried to gather her attention.

“Can you hear me?” He asked once she twitched underneath him, “Can you breathe?”

She couldn’t, not well at least, but she didn't know how to portray that other than to shake her head as much as she could manage, which ended up being so slight Natsu barely noticed it.

“Okay, uh,” He trailed off and his hands slowed down as he thought through his predicament, something Lucy might have found amusing a month ago, “Maybe you should turn around. You’re facing a tree.”

The sentence confused Lucy enough to knock her consciousness back a foot. Because yes, she was being smothered by a tree, surrounded by all angles, but she hadn’t noticed. The dangling tree vines and the ground bushes tickled her skin, giving the warmth she was feeling a strange twist in sensation. Natsu pushed one of her shoulders as he tried to position her body to lean against the tree bark. She allowed him to maneuver her, finding her strength to be waning as she paid more attention to her shallow breaths.

Natsu was touching her so softly, like she was delicate, breakable, and she knew she should hate it. She should be screaming at him, furious and disgusted with the treatment, because she should take care of herself. It wasn’t his job to baby her, to take care of her, to  _ save  _ her like a damsel in distress.

She was Lucy  _ Goddamn  _ Heartfilia and she needed to woman up.

But Natsu’s expression stopped her from lashing out. He looked so scared, terrified, and nothing like the confident fire breathing Salamander she was used to. His eyes were wide as he raked down her figure, taking in all the damage she accumulated. He crouched in front of her, hands outstretched as if ready to grab her if needed, but also hovering as if he wasn’t sure what to do. 

And she would be lying if she said she didn’t like his calm, soft demeanor sometimes. It wasn’t something you got out of Natsu often. Usually he would joke around, break into her apartment, play pranks on her and insult her playfully on a daily basis. He saved these intimate moments for scenarios when either of them were injured or in danger. Like When Acnolgia was about to decimate Tenrou Island and all the people on the sacred ground, when Flare brutally defeated her in the Grand Magic Games, when Lucy was imprisoned by the Royal Kingdom, or even back when her father had paid for her kidnapping.

She secretly loved his serious side just as much as his playful side, and she felt guilty for wanting to experience it again. She felt guilty for being happy he was here, for yearning for him to hug her and tell her everything was going to be okay, because she didn’t deserve him like that. Nothing was going to be okay because he almost died at the hand of her failure. 

She couldn‘t hurt him again.

“Hey,” his voice came out a bit higher than she was used to, tinged with worry and breath as he tried to make his own breathing pattern louder and easier to notice, “Breathe like me.”

He waved his hands in front of her gesture in circles as he gave deep breaths that Lucy tried to mimic. The first few cut off too short, making panic ring through her brain but Natsu was quick to instruct her again each time she lost her place. It was after a few minutes that her lungs began working normally again, and with the air returning the tensions in her muscles slowly released leaving her limbs shaky.

Natsu had stopped speaking, taking a seat in front of the girl. She knew at this point she couldn’t run away, he wasn’t going to disappear and it was stupid of her to think she could outrun him, but the temptation to hide was still strong. 

But then again, running away and hiding like a child isn’t strong. It’s something she used to do, something that reiterated just how weak she was and still is. She hadn’t grown at all, in fact it feels like she took a step back. She’s never felt so confused, as if she was facing death just from running away from a problem. This was new, something that she needed to fix before it snowballed into something much worse.

“Lucy,” Natsu called to her, “Can you please look at me?”

She didn’t want to, because if she did she was almost positive she would cry. And crying was weak. But he was  _ Natsu _ , she couldn’t just…  _ not  _ look at him. He chased her out into the woods, tracked her down from Magnolia, and calmed her down after she ran away from him. 

Didn’t she owe him just a decent amount of respect?

She forced herself to tilt her head up to look him in the eye, and it was like a dam of emotion broke in her heart. She felt the tears before she realized they were brimming at her eyelids. The last time she saw him he was bleeding out with sizzling magic tainting his skin, making him look like he was in a fight with a demon straight from hell. It was a horror she never realized could happen, that Natsu could one day die and never come back.

But now he was healed, healthy and fit as supported by his will to chase after her. He looked completely fine, better than he should be after the near death experience. In fact, the only thing that seemed off was the nervous energy he was displaying as he tried to figure out the right words to say, which Lucy could contribute to being her fault.

“Luce,” He whispered her name again, disbelief thickening the air between them as he took in her form. She knew she looked a bit roughed up, but it was nothing compared to their normal battles. It shouldn’t surprise him that she was a bit cut up, dirt caking her shoes and twigs tangled in her hair, but he still stared at her with concern and care. He reached out for her hand, the one bandaged and hiding her guild mark, which she flinched away from without a second thought. She had to ignore the hurt that passed through his face for a split second before being replaced with a small smile as he pushed the feeling down, “I missed you.”

She choked back her desire to reciprocate, to tell him she wanted to see him ever since she left Magnolia. She missed his toothy smile, his wild hair, his cheeky personality, his fiery attitude, hell she even missed his reckless behavior. But admitting that would just hurt more than leaving it behind. She can’t go back, not until she was on par with Wendy at the very least, “I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize,” He was quick to interrupt her. His gaze turned hard but not in a cruel way, pushing sincerity to the forefront of his tone, “Nothing was your fault.”

“Don’t lie,” She snapped back as the anger began to rekindle inside her, but she tried to real it back. She didn’t want to fight, didn’t want to raise her voice at her friend because that’s the last thing he needed after everything she put him through, but she couldn’t hear anymore lies, especially when Natsu didn’t understand what really happened. If he did, he wouldn’t be here trying to comfort her, “You don’t have to protect me Natsu. I know when to admit I fucked up.”

“I’m not lying,” He challenged, an edge pushing into his posture but his voice remained soft yet sturn, “Have I ever lied to you?”

She didn’t know how to answer, because technically  _ no  _ he hadn’t ever lied to her before, at least not about anything important. But this situation is so much more complicated, so much more complex than anything else. This was life or death, this was putting her best friend at risk because she was too much of a baby to learn to fight for herself.

“I’m not trying to argue with you,” Natsu sighed, desperation shaking through his core as he tried to convey to Lucy how wrong she was about everything. He could see what Loke meant now. The walls Lucy had built were thick and covered in barbed wire, but he was especially hard headed, “But I mean it when I say it wasn’t your fault.”

“How are you so sure?” The brunette narrowed her eyes at the dragon slayer, “You didn’t see how that wizard attacked you. You didn’t feel the heartbreak when we thought you were gone. I put you there, and it’s my responsibility to accept that. I should have been able to stop him, not rely on you to save me.”

“But you don’t rely on me!” He shouted suddenly, careful to keep his irritation out of his voice. The only thing Natsu was truly irritated with was the situation, and maybe Gray still, but never Lucy. She was suffering, and he would never willingly blame her for a situation that wasn’t her fault, but he also wouldn’t allow the toxic thoughts to plague her mind if he could help it, “You were facing one against five and four of those guys went down because you’re a badass! And it was my choice to help. I would have done the same for any of our friends.”

“You don’t understand,” Lucy whispered, curling her fists into the dirt they were sitting on and letting it mix with the blood soaked into her nails. Natsu eyed the bloody scratches dragged around her forearm with concern, he wished he could get Lucy to calm down enough to let him help her.

“What don’t I understand? Explain it to me, Luce,” He pleaded. He stared at her bandaged hand longingly, wishing he could hold it against him, wishing he could pull her into his chest and reassure her like he used to. But he had a feeling that wouldn’t be enough to fix things this time around. She was closed off, just like Loke said, and he had no idea how to get her to start opening up again.

“I’m a liability, Natsu,” She spat out in disgust, making Natsu wince as he realized the disgust was pointed directly at herself, “Every mission you take me on, every battle you have me by your side is just another opportunity for death and failure. Gray was right about me, I’m not strong enough for Fairy Tail if you have to constantly come to my rescue. I need to learn to fight for myself for once.”

“Gray is an idiot,” Natsu declared, scooting a bit closer to the brunette as she instantly began shaking her head in disagreement, “No, he is. He was wrong about you, everything he said came out of a place is fear. It wasn’t okay for him to hurt you like he did.”

“It doesn’t matter if it hurt me, because he was right!” She shot back, looking every bit like the fiery Heartfilia he was used to. It almost made him feel nostalgic, if only the anger was pointed at him for breaking into her apartment rather than at herself for something that wasn’t her fault.

“Luce, would I have come all the way from Magnolia to find you, with only a note you wrote us to guide me, if I thought you were in the wrong?”

He watched as the confusion began to fog her mind. She pinched her eyebrows as she tried to piece together that information, because it didn’t fit in with her current agenda.

“You would,” She mumbled, “Because you’re Natsu.”

He had to smile at her for that, even if it went against the point he was trying to make. Yeah, even if Lucy had somehow villainously turned against him, had shot that magic at him herself with the intention to kill, he would have still sought her out. He would have still tried to make sure she was okay, and help her in anyways he could. He was always a crazy man, especially when it came to his family, his friends, his… Lucy.

“But I didn’t just do this because I’m Natsu. I did this because you’re Lucy,” He tried to reach out for her hand again, this time reaching for the unbandaged one. He mentally cheered when she allowed her limp hand to fall into his. 

He couldn’t help but notice the hand that was bandaged was the one her guild mark was imprinted on. He couldn’t only hope it was intact, that she hadn’t erased the mark in haste and emotional turmoil, but he couldn’t be sure. Her hand could truly be damaged, and the bandages were covering an injury he wasn’t aware of. But that was only a hope that he was beginning to think might be just that, a wish for something untrue.

He gently raised her hand into his lap as he let his thumb rub comforting circles over the skin, “I can’t have you hurting all alone.”

Lucy seemed to give up her argument after that, keeping her gaze down as she remained in deep thought. He figured she was probably trying to make sense of his words, trying to put the pieces in her puzzle. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Natsu letting Lucy sift through her thoughts until the awareness returned to her eyes. He was using his thumb to brush against her wrist just below the scratches she made moments ago by the time she looked at him again.

“Does this mean you’re not going back to Fairy Tail?” She looked defeated, like she already knew the answer before she asked it.

“I’m not leaving you,” he responded sincerely, making his grip on her hand just the slightest bit tighter.

She nodded in understanding, clearing her throat as she still avoided Natsu’s gaze, “I hope you know I’m not going back.”

He forced the disappointment out of his features. He had a feeling it would be hard to get her to leave with him, but it still left him feeling a little hollow that she had made it known so blatantly that she wasn’t going back to Fairy Tail.

“Ever?” He asked, fear trickling into his question as the idea of a Lucy-less future cemented itself in his mind.

“I’ll go back one day, just not today. I need to prove myself before I can show my face to the rest of the guild. I need to train, to get stronger.”

He wanted to argue with her again, to tell her that she didn’t need to prove herself. He wanted to nail it into her brain that she was strong, loved, and appreciated. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and carry her back to the guild hall himself, but she was a shell of the girl he knew. Doing that to her would be the same as crushing the little bit of trust she had in him, the trust that let him hold her hand.

He realized that nothing he said right now was going to get through to Lucy, nothing was going to change her mind as much as training would change her outlook on herself. What she needed was support, she needed someone to believe in her. And if that meant Natsu would be spending a few weeks, or even months, away from the guild in order to help her find herself again then he would do it. He would sacrifice whatever he needed to in order to be there for her, in order to help her build her confidence again so she could return to the bubbly blonde he loved so much.

But as he looked at the brunette hair across from him, he had to admit he loved this version of Lucy just as much. Her hair may be a few shades darker, and her bright revealing clothes may be replaced with a dark and inconspicuous outfit that let her blend in to the surroundings, but she was still Lucy. Appearance meant nothing, because eventually they would be old and gray and telling the next generation of their escapades as young wizards.

Who cared if Lucy was a brunette for a few months? She was still his Lucy.

“If it’s training you want, I’m all in,” Natsu smirked down at Lucy as she whipped her head up at the dragon slayer, “I’m always ready for a challenge. Why don’t we train together?”

“You want to train with me?” She asked in awe, as if she hadn’t thought of this outcome before, “You’re not going to force me to go back to Magnolia? Back to Fairy Tail?”

“Of course not,” as he spoke, he could see the relief pass through her like a tidal wave. Instantly her body relaxed, letting her shoulder slump against her torso, “I’d never force you to do anything. If you don’t want to go back to the guild yet, I’ll stay with you until you do. We’ll do this together, just don’t leave me behind again okay?”

“I’m sorry I left so suddenly,” She tried to apologize but Natsu was quick to stop her.

“I don’t hold anything against you, Lucy. If anyone should be apologizing, it’s Gray. And he will when we get home, but he’ll just have to wait for a bit.”

“He doesn’t have to apologize,” Natsu frowned at her response.

He knew he couldn’t expect her to believe his words, couldn’t expect her to drop the self hated she’d developed during her long journey, but he could wait for her. He could be by her side each step of the way until she was healed. It was going to be a challenge getting her to accept that she wasn’t weak, that she was a strong capable woman with many talents and strengths, that she was a valuable asset to Fairy Tail.

But he always liked a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW HI! I know it's been awhile but I'm finally back with Fairy Tail!!!
> 
> So, as for Lucy's little panic attack, I really hope I portrayed it okay? I always try to take examples from my real life to make things as realistic as possible, and that is something I experience when I get anxious. I know things can be different for different people, and I wanted to make it clear what really happened during that attack for Lucy.
> 
> The heat was literally all apart of her anxiety, not from any residual effects from Jonathon Barsoni. I don't want anyone thinking she's infected again or something lol but the feeling did freak her out and push her panic a bit more because the heat felt similar.
> 
> So anyways! Now that Natsu found her, we're about halfway through the story! We're gonna see some power upgrades and then it time to head back to the guild! Once Lucy decided to that is :)
> 
> My Socials:  
[Twitter](https://twitter.com/Reltic_)  
[Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/_reltic_/)


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